2 things

I was going to sell another Sanrio item on eBay due to the success of the the sale of a plastic notepad holder I have had for 20 years that recently sold very well. I listed the stuffed animal, but it didn't sell, possibly because I forgot to change the category from Little Twin Stars. I don't know who this is. Anyone?



While trying to identify it on the Sanrio website, I started thinking I don't want to sell it. Millions of Japanese females can't be wrong.
I recently learned the term FOB from the urban dictionary. It stands for fresh off the boat and is a slightly derogatory term used by Far-east Asian-Americans to describe those who have recently emigrated. Used in a sentence on UD, "You look so fobby with all that Hello Kitty gear on."

I bring this ease of influence up because in my class on Tuesday, first of all, they talked!, but secondly, they talked about our 1st debate topic, "should drug laws remain restrictive." Five students presented the debate to us last week and did an excellent job. It recently occurred to me (I am slow) that drug laws are meant to protect us from ourselves. If that is the case, why is alcohol legal and marijuana illegal. Overdose from alcohol (death) is not uncommon. Overdose from marijuana is not possible. Yes, the risk of DUI/DWI is theoretically the same, however, marijuana, usually, makes people simply fall asleep, eat, or giggle. I don't think the incidence of DUI of marijuana is anywhere near DUI of alcohol. Of course, marijuana is illegal, so the comparison is not exactly fair. Anyway, we collectively agree that children, tweens, in particular were influenced by tv ads and popular culture images and ideas with which they are bombarded. Having certain drugs remain illicit would be adaptive for them. However, having alcohol and tobacco be licit is definitely maladaptive for them, at least certain ones. I remember being 12, 13 and looking at Cosmopolitan magazine, and thinking this is what adult women are reading, and this is how they act. With no self-respect, of course, tobacco ads were still Virginia Slims and "look how awesome I look smoking," kind of thing. Not that all my friends smoked, but the ones I wanted to be cool and rebellious like, did.
We mentioned "Just Say No," and I argued that one reason it was ineffective was that it addressed a situation that rarely occurs. Kids are not presented with drugs, nor do they need a refusal statement. As I mentioned in class, people who are drug dependent are not going around trying to share their drugs. They are not that magnanimous. If anything, they would say, "keep your grubs off my drugs," or something to that effect.
I was mostly sold on the family systems theory of maladaptive risk-taking, but after class I am convinced that that has to occur within the American culture of sex, drugs, and rock n roll, AND in the person who has the physiological and psychological predispositions to engage in maladaptive risk-taking.
The other point I meant to make here, is that the federal government protects us from ourselves with illicit drugs, but CVD is #1 cause of morality in US, and over half those deaths are from preventable causes like not eating transfat, high fructose corn syrup, like eating 9 servings of fruits and veggies/day, like getting 3-5 hours moderate intensity PA, and not smoking. The federal government does not restrict us or mandate us much in any of the other areas that clearly determine our health. Therefore, it is illogical for us to spend our own tax dollars on something that doesn't harm us as much as other things that do harm us a lot. Know what I mean?
I'm in a hurry this morning.
Have an awesome one!!!

excuse me, while I diatribe

Woke up this morning, to my alarm, angry about our healthcare system. People have anger because it motivates change. Sometimes I forget why we have certain negative affectivities. My situation is minute, obviously. Minutia. But, I was dreaming about decorating a bas-relief that illustrated the history of Nelson Mandela just before I woke up.
I have had maxillary sinus pain and a stuffed up ear for over a week. Went to a "new" but older doctor at Dr. Lamy's office last week. He was absolutely the antithesis of healthcare. Just wanted to employ his agenda and listened to nothing I said. Complimented me, hollowly, to pacify me, which was easier than normal to do because I wasn't feeling well. But he didn't listen to anything I had to say. Told me to do all the things I was already doing. I had attributed some tooth weird-feeling I noticed yesterday to not flossing a night or two last week, but no, I think it's referred maxillary sinus pain. Why would it be only on top if it were a flossing issue? What doctors don't get is, we patients have deductive reasoning, too. We have intelligence; we have experience. We have the benefit of experience with our own bodies! Here are the symptoms I have experienced many times. Many, many times. I agreed to do what he said (which was to continue to do what I was already doing, except, I was doing something more effective, additionally) because I was doubting my self and my experience. Not smart. Experience, being in the same place I have been before, in Health, in Spirit, in Life, is worth something. It has value. It doesn't mean one can predict the future, or that one has expertise in an area, but it does mean, I have been here before, and I know what I did that worked to change it! So, now, I have maxillary sinus pain that is in my upper jaw. Way to go, Dr. Harrison.
I had an appointment with my ENT, but he had to cancel and reschedule, and I haven't called back, yet. Yes, I will call this morning.

Meanwhile, I don't know which other quack to call. The problem with good doctors is that they are much harder to get into. My quacks, I can see the same day. If they will listen to me long enough, I can usually tell them what is wrong with me.

I will spare you all my opinions about prescription drugs. Although, I will tell you, I don't like being treated like a drug-addict when I request a drug that requires a prescription and has any efficacy beyond that of an over-the-counter drug. Yes, I am a recovered drug-addict, but in the over 14 years I have been sober, I have had ZERO desire to use a mind-altering chemical for recreation. ZERO. Yes, I have used prescription drugs as they have been prescribed. Some of them are mind-altering. Have I gotten high? No! Far from it. When I had my tonsils out, I was taking a narcotic, hydrocodone, suffering in great pain while taking the maximum dose. Called the doctor, my doctor was not on call, of course, and the on-call doctor would give me nothing else. Same thing with episiotomy. I realize it's all a liability issue for them. I don't have any sympathy for that. I am an individual. I am an individual with whom they have some history. If I wanted a drug to get high, (which I don't, and haven't for a LONG time, by the Grace of God and a Program of Recovery!) I would call a drug dealer. I would not call a doctor! Thank you. You have listened beyond what you should have been subject to. I am pissed and uncomfortable enough to take more action.
Meanwhile, finally had some alone time with BH where we were mostly both well. Despite my stuffiness, I don't feel bad. He is very good at having alone time, although it is often harder to get him to agree to do than it is to get a prescription drug from a doctor! I can enjoy HH's cuteness with 110% adulation when I have had a little break every once in a while.
Unfortunately, there were few leads at dv, though I had clearance to go. Got in a fancy 2-step and WCS, but other than that, it was a lot of basics of every other dance. Sometimes fine, but sometimes boring. At least not condescending. And talked with some follows. I suppose that is good to do from time to time.
Got my test written for my class. I think it is good and fair. I spent quite a bit of time on it. I wonder if all professors think this about their tests and power point presentations. I know Ed loved his .ppts. I am ok with that, except he wrote them in the early 1990's and still used them in the early 2000's.
Done. Done. Done. Life is good. These are luxury complaints and observations. Anger motivates change. It's not bad or wrong. Thank you, Mary S.

Love is strong word

Loving teaching my class. It is awesome and fun.
Had a lesson with DID, yesterday. It was good. Going to go back to training with him for a C&W comp sometime in the future.
Had a good lesson with Carlos, too. I feel unfreaked out dancing salsa with him. He is teaching me a shine and a couples pattern. I want to learn some new routines.
I feel like I have cheated on DIT. I know it's silly. Given up on DPB.
Going to cover some dresses in rhinestones.
HH goes back to gymnastics today.
He is loving his school, too.
The only think I don't love is parking. My appointment STILL has not processed, so I am parking in the garage at hourly rates. Ouch!

I have a class to teach

Sewed my sweater patches on to my tweed jacket. Or was it tweed patches on to a sweater? (Homer Simpson's bout as a community college teacher). Can't say who, of course, and it's not Colt McCoy, but I do have 1 current and 1 former Longhorn in the class. I have to say, I am totally star struck, but have kept cool so far (one class period). Didn't talk long enough yesterday, but seemed to keep everyone's attention, and I think it will be a good group. They were awake at 8 am and smiling. I hadn't been to the 9th floor of Bellmont since they put carpet in front of the elevators. And the 10th floor is no longer an abandoned sleeping lounge, but the undergrad advising office. It remains the place where furniture goes before it is put to rest.

We have all been sick: Hank and I with sinus infection (about #5 for me this season), I with bronchitis, Hank with bronchitis, Brad and I with stomach flu. Stomach flu was über boo. Brad and I realized we had it around 11 pm Friday night. Thank God my dad answered the phone, brought us phenegren, and took Hank home with him. Brad and I emerged from our excretions and comas around 12 pm on Sunday. Haven't felt much like eating since. I had made a beautiful cabbage salad with grapes, carrots, and homemade peanut dressing for lunch. Needless to say, that sounds absolutely disgusting, now. Brad had eaten Newman O's just before bed. That will keep him out of my cookie stash for a while.... Didn't get to perform at Lone Star, consequently. Danced a LITTLE Friday night. Hope I didn't spread it.

Been "watching" Twilight I downloaded from iTunes. Over and over. It plays in the background. I don't watch it except every once in a while I flip over to watch scenes. The prom scene. R Pattz' performance is Oscar worthy. He has been overlooked as an awesome actor, probably because he is so beautiful. I think Kristen Stewart does an awesome job, too. Although, one way she indicates hesitation (breathing, haltingly) becomes less endearing after 20 or so showings. Can't be faulted for that, really. I STILL haven't seen New Moon. Guess it's gonna be video for MLMH!

Love it!

Wow, I wish he were my mayor. This IS how social change happens. After self-reflection and examination, slowly, and one person at a time.

My 2009 commentary by Meredith Hodgkinson (and some random dreams)

I heard a political analyst interviewed on NPR recently call Supreme Court Justice Sotomayor's statement to a group primarily of Latina law students, "I would hope that a wise Latina, with the richness of her experiences, would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn’t lived that life," 'stupid.' I think most of the commentary and reporting on the comment was ignorant of the fact that a) She was trying to inspire some young women of a particular ethnic background and probably SES. We, as news media, or as a society, don't give anyone else a hard time (politicians and Supreme Court Justices included) for trying to inspire people based on their experience and the experience of the majority of their audience. b) She was alluding to a comment made by Supreme Court Justice O'Connor, who said that, "At the end of the day, a wise old man and a wise old woman reach the same judgment." Ignorance drove most of the criticism of Sotomayor's comment. Justices are CONSTANTLY examining precedent, and Sotomayor has proven no different. And as Justice Scalia said, "There is no Catholic way to cook a hamburger." Sotomayor wasn't saying she would rule in favor of Latinos, but simply to point out she had an Ivy League education and an interesting life experience growing up as a "Newyorican." Would not life experience benefit anyone doing any job?
I enjoyed this commentary.

I would also like to address the backlash regarding President Obama's race. President Obama has not made an issue of his race. He is, in fact, bi-racial. In the US, we have a history of viewing individuals who were even 1/4 black, as being black. Now, this bi-racial individual is labeled "black." (I don't know if he self-identifies as black or bi-racial). The US has a long history of enslaving black and bi-racial people. No, we don't do that today, but it is significant, that we, as a country have moved from a completely oppressive system to electing a president who is "black." We made note when Justice O'Connor was seated. The US has a history almost as long at oppressing, while not enslaving, women. It is significant that in the same century women gained the right to vote that we have a woman seated on the Supreme Court, that we had a viable Democratic candidate for the office of president, that we have a bi-racial president. These are big deals. While we strive for "color-blindness," it seems more adaptive to strive for "color-seeing-acceptance." Let us be women, black, gay, green, and acknowledge it. It is obvious we don't make decisions solely on the basis of our differences. We don't even have to embrace our differences, but I plan to.

I was dreaming I went BACK to ESD, having a PhD and take a few classes I hadn't done well in. Linda Biderman was working there in admissions. Gloria and Marianne from UT were also working there in the administrative offices. I went to this class that took me forever to find. I had to run down to the building because it was about a 30 minute walk. I took off my yellow uniform shirt and ran in my sports bra and skirt carrying the shirt in one hand and Hank in another. There were a bunch of fast food restaurants in the building before I got to the classrooms. Hank had gone up to a salsa bar for a restaurant and took the scoop and scooped some into his mouth before I could catch him. I apologized; he loves salsa. Once I got to class, it was very crowded, and people were frowning I had Hank. I wasn't going to stay in class if he cried. The teacher was a man I had never seen and was an asshole. His lecture was very disorganized and confusing. I thought, "no wonder I didn't do well in this class. If it doesn't get better, I'm not taking it, again." He and I got into some arguement when I told a girl it was ok to cry. Actually, I said, "it's ok," to her at the end of an exercise in class. He had brought in his wife, Lisa Loeb, to do some role-playing with her, her baby, and this gal. I don't recall exactly what it was, but it upset the girl. I told him he wasn't a psychotherapist. He said, actually he was. He had 5 degrees. (Trumps my 3). I said, well, this wasn't a psychotherapy session. Agreed.

A couple nights ago I dreamed my mom had appendicitis and my dad wouldn't take her to emergency. Dave Breihan happened to be at my parents house to take care of Hank while I took my mom to Presbyterian. They hooked her up to a scanner kind of like Idiocracy meets Brazil (movies). I was giving Dave instructions about how loud he could have the radio on with Hank asleep. I figured we would make out when I got back home. haha.

Brad and I had the same dream the other night. I don't recall what it was at the moment, but we dreamed we were in the same place on the same night. Ooooooo.

Happy new year 2010!

Here are some showcase pics by Raman Evazians.

Lindy blues team

The move that launched 1000 arguments / me dying inside.

And a few of me and Tommy.

Where does my leg go, exactly?

Ah, there it is!

Fancy!

THE PIVOT TURN

Hey, I'm still standing erect!

Remembered to let go!

How I wish that you were mine...(We danced to Ma Cherie Amour).

I think it was 100% fun. I even succeeded at putting my own eyelashes on. What a personal victory.

Been having dance withdrawal, but been enjoying family time. Our internets have been down since we got back from Dallas. It has kept BH from working after work, and he has also been especially his charming self. I have enjoyed his company, a lot.

Been watching Curb Your Enthusiasm on DVD. It kind of makes me nervous, but he's pretty funny and reminds me of myself. Did I already mention that?

I went to bed around 8:30, but woke up around 3. Finished the paperwork for our FSA submission. Got these showcase pics scanned in. Worked on charitable donations for our taxes. Go, crazy sleeper! I hope I get a nap in, later!!!

I am obsessed with rhinestoning most of my possessions.

I want to go with the tan bikini with rhinestone net covering for my next costume. Unless I am PG. Or unless I am very PG, and it will be more ok with me that my thighs look bigger. Just kidding, sort of. I love my functional body. OK, love is a strong word. I AM very grateful for the body I have. It works great, and most of the time, I do like how it looks. I appreciate it. And, noone is perfect. But, everyone is perfect in their imperfections!

For the new year, I don't have a new resolution, per se. I resolve to continue to be vigilant about living one day at a time and sometimes 5 minutes at a time. Each nanosecond is a gift and an opportunity. I forget that most of the time. Hank helps.

I should resolve to listen to my thoughts less. For example, when my brain tells me not to leave the house, after the other part of my brain already decided we were, I should ignore the not leaving part. I resolve to be mindful about that and consider trying it. Or, maybe I should put a little less pressure on myself for out-of-the-house activities. For example, instead of adamantly making a declaration that I will go to deja vu, I should say to myself, "self, you have always enjoyed deja vu, consider attending this Sunday." Then, I will say, "thank you for the suggestion. I will consider it." Just kidding. Sort of.

2010 sounds like the future. I hope your future is awesome!

so grateful

Back to "normal" with everything. Showcase is over. It went awesomely. I was surprised how well it went. I am ready for another dance project. My friend and I are back to fine. I wonder about my sanity and my motives. It's a dance. I think I might be an egomaniac with an inferiority complex. (Just kidding, I know I am).
Got a sweet card and presents from DID and DIT. Took some bachata, country waltz, two-step, and triple two lessons, yesterday. I hope I get to a lot of classes starting in January. DIT approved me for level 2 on the country classes.
Going to Dallas today for a few days after working for 5 whole hours this morning. Good thing I woke up so ridiculously early before the alarm.
Enjoying renting Curb Your Enthusiasm episodes from Netflix.
Enjoying a new awareness about reality with others. (It seems when other people are doing or are stuck in what I want to avoid, I am able to see it, and without judgement, see the solution). Maybe, someday, I will be able to do this for myself.
Grateful for 5 minutes at a time. And one day at a time.

guilty pleasures

Something that entertains me, even in the darkest hours, is to read English written with poor grammar, or by someone for whom English is a second language. It crack me up when nothing else will. I ordered some books from amazon.fr. I hope a French person will enjoy my musings.
J'ai acheté deux livres en français a amazon.fr. [I don't have the accents for all the letters. That probably won't be very funny]. Je n'ai jamais lit aucun de livres de Jackie Collins, mais, je pense que le genre de ces livres est comme ça. Je n'aime pas les livres de romance en Anglais, mais, je veux parler français, encore, donc j'ai pensé que lire d'etre une bonne ideé.

dress rehearsal vids

Thanks to Claus for videoing for me.
Had a tough day, yesterday.
I'll have to put the Lindy one on YouTube. It's big and long.
I did better with the smiling, and I didn't say sorry when I messed up. But, my arms were super goofy, and I almost fell over at the very beginning. My little pivot turn was TOO zealous. DIT was SO sweet. He is awesome!

Approaching the Rumba

TOTALLY messed up the spot turn (forgot to let go of Tommy). Need to get my shoulders back. Smile bigger. Hips are getting there, and the feet. And my arms are coming along. Ready for dress rehearsal on Saturday!!! The only thing I feel nervous about is can I "act." Like getting into the drama of the dance to make it entertaining. I hope I can do it. I see what Richard means about making it big. It could be bigger. I need more flexible hips. Working on it.
I'll put a picture of my dress up, soon!

up after dream

had such a detailed and crazy dream this morning. I assume as a result of my breaking up with DID, yesterday. I actually didn't do it myself, to avoid wishy-washily ending up not breaking up. it was almost as yucky feeling as breaking up with Reed. something sick, I suppose. according to the 3rd party who did the communicating, DID was very understanding. consequently, we are not doing the cha cha at showcase. now, just the Rumba with DIT, which is coming along, the LB team, and a half of another thing. decided to go ahead and get up to get some writing done on my secret novel. wrote down the whole dream, first.
LBPB and I are becoming friends, and it is helping me look at him while dancing. last week, I quoted Blue Velvet to him (Dennis Hopper) to ask him not to look at me while dancing. it was even funnier that he has not seen Blue Velvet. but he looked just over my ear, and it was cracking me up. but I could look directly at him. haha. we have a LOT in common. a LOT.

swing turned salsa dress success

Wore my black swing dress for the black and white salsa bday party for DID and Becca. I thought BH looked annoyed when I left, but maybe it was my imagination. Because he wasn't annoyed when I got home. wink wink nudge nudge say no more...
Didn't get to do that much dancing, but got a little in and felt pretty coordinated.
LB team practice was fun Sat. LBPB 2-stepped me a little between our lindy and blues practicing. That's fun with moments of success. I wish I could go to 2-step class. LBPB said he may resume salsa. That would be fun to practice more, too!
I am VERY sleepy this morning, however. Still have debris in my sinuses as does Hank, but we are both continuing to improve. Poor little guy can't loogee. I have no idea how to spell that. He does go over to the edge of the porch when we are outside, however. And he cutely makes a spitting noise and the body and head movement of spitting without actually spitting.
Busy morning. 2 peeps at J, 2 peeps at their respective houses, to Don's, to JCAA. 6 hole hours of working outside the home!

Robert Pattinson mags

December issues of VF (more pics up here, recently) and Bazaar are out with RPattz on cover. I already read both, and learned nothing beyond what my cheaper and trashier OK magazines told me. I am SO glad I don't read fashion magazine, anymore. It makes me so much more peaceful and self-accepting. All those air-brushed legs, butts, and faces. And products I don't need that are a waste of money.
And, they pretty much showed us all the pictures on their websites. Well, they still got me to buy 2 magazines. Touché!
One more boring story. Yesterday, Sarah was trying out a $1700 competition dress (she a pro and a teacher at Go Dance). She looked absolutely beautiful. She is always beautiful, but the dress was skimpy, but not slutty, and the C&W tan boots looked great with the dress. And she just looked amazing. I was very happy I could appreciate her beauty without thinking, "I wish I looked like that." Didn't occur to me. That's progress!

too early

Some people stay up too late; I get up too early.
Think how much money the world could save on coffee if we simply got adequate sleep...
Yeah, heavy.

My nose is waking me up. Went to doc, again, yesterday. My GP, who is probably over 65 and semi-retired knew what the latest research on sinus infections was. Impressive. He said most sinus infections are viral, but he gave me 5 days of antibiotic, anyway. I told him I didn't have prescription insurance, so he gave me samples. Fascinating, I know. But, nice. I'm also using Veramist nasal spray, Astapro nasal spray, Claritin-D. When I went to fill my prescription for cough med (so I can sleep without drainage, which did work for 6 hours).

I wanted to buy more Claritin-D because I knew I was running low. Not low enough, apparently, because she could only sell me 5 tablets without exceeding my limit for pseudoephedrine products. I know meth use is a terrible epidemic, and if the ingredients are readily available, that makes it easier to make. But, geez, people, your drug dependence is screwing with my sinuses! Plus, meth is yucky. (haha, as if making your own meth using cold medicine isn't a bad enough problem). I would guess people who make it themselves sell it, too. But, I don't know. More on that subject, I heard an author speaking about meth use in the midwest. He told the very tragic story of a guy who made meth in his house. Accidentally set his house on fire. Was burned. When police came, he asked them to shoot him. They didn't. He lived. Has no fingers. Ugh. SO sad. And, now is back on meth. UGH, so sad. So grateful to be sober!!! Thank you, God and Universe.

I googled meth use biography ohio and got this book review. I think this is the book. Another blogger. Hello, other blogger. Is your mom the only person who reads your blog, too? (And BMM, thank you for your patronage).

Had lessons with DID and DIT, yesterday. I had warned DID via facebook that I might be a little vulnerable. I don't know if he had read it before our lesson or not, but he was nice. And, although I felt like I was starting over cha cha at times, I also felt some improvement. I have a hard time telling what are rubber-bandy arms and what are too loose or too stiff. I NEED SOMEONE WITH WHOM I CAN PRACTICE.

Lesson with DIT was also fun. Tried the dress. I am going to rip and sew a slit up the right side to show off particular parts of the routine. Thinking about getting a new sewing machine.
Any product suggestions? Maybe google ads will give me some. The hug is actually get a lot better. It looks good. It's just getting out of the hug I am having a hard time with. I get my foot stuck on DIT's foot or I look silly taking my arms overhead. We are starting to add arms styling, one of which is me running my hand across his chest. Just seems silly and weird to me. But, he's the teacher, and I will defer to his expertise. DIT is so sweet. I don't think I have ever seen him even get irritated. And it doesn't seem like he's faking being happy. He said sometimes he does feel grumpy. He must be able to get out of it pretty quickly. Unlike DID and I - M O O D Y.
BH is moody, too!

Hank's been sleeping on his mattress at night. He fell off one night, and I put him back in our bed because he was irritated and I wanted to go back to sleep. I mentioned moving back downstairs to Brad. We could use the upstairs as an office/rec room. Put the tv and sofa up there, in addition to our desks. We could use the armoir thing as a divider. Wow, that is a good idea. We need to update the electrical and put in insulation if we move down here, though.

Anyone know a cheap electrician? Probably not. The guy we used to wire the shed, who did a great job, BTW, was not a full-blown electrician. I.e., he was supposed to work under someone else's supervision. Of course, to get there requires a certain number of hours working under the head electrician for quite a bit less money. He was doing that, too to get his hours in. I saw him on the news getting busted for placing an ad on craigslist. Fox news, I'm sure. I understand the reason the law is in place, but if an individual decides to use a craftsman, he should be allowed to choose him, knowing how qualified (or un) he is. Maybe our guy is full-blown, now.

I know, this is a boring post today. Well, no news is good news.

Flickr

I organized my flickr photos better this morning. Important stuff.
Woke up too early due to my sinuses running.
I feel fine. May go back to doc to see if antibiotic is actually working.
See if this works. Remember, it's an archive. EVERYTHING including the dog's dog and the dog's kitchen sink are there.
flickr

Annoyed with myself that I am letting what I think someone else's feelings about me are is occupying my thoughts and feelings. Reminder: do not yell at self to tell self to stop thinking about something. Dear Meredith, You are ok. You are doing the best you can. I like you. You are nice. Take care of me. Don't yell at me. Love, Self.

Get to have lessons with DIT and DID, today. Going to try out the rumba dress a little.

without don henley

Last night made a little progress by just withdrawing when BH was in a mood. Without airing all our dirty laundry, this is the same place we have been since before we got married. It occurred to me this morning, beyond staying adult, which is going a little further than withdrawing, although in the moment I think I was relatively adult last night, I can be an advocate. It is challenging to stay adult and to not take it personally. However, I think I can do that. Beyond just struggling to stay in the present is, what does BH need from another person? It is clearer than ever that it is not about me, and is very much like -ism. The Jekyll and Hyde description from the Book comes to mind. And the Lovesong of J Alfred Prufrock for some reason. "That is not what I meant at all, that is not it at all." That's all I wanted to process with you, world.

In other news, read some of the Positive Discipline book during Hank's nap yesterday. Decided to put him on his mattress after he fell asleep last night. He is still there.
I was worried I was doing something to reinforce whining or eating cookies for lunch, but I don't think I am. Just like with the other situation, stay present, and don't take it personally. Oh, yeah, and be loving. I think I can do that, too.

Started a new bone health class at the J, yesterday. Seems like it will be a challenging and fun group. Also going to start back with the NC traveler next week - 2x/week.

My New Favorite

DanceShopper.com

Latin Music and Dance Notes

Been meaning to make note of these things for future reference:
From the Capitol City Salsa Festival - Dancers and Dance Groups I enjoyed:
Majesty in Motion from San Diego - super polished, I saw 2 couples
Salsa Y Control from Boston: didn't get to see them, but I heard they are awesome
Mi Ritmo Dance Company from Mexico: fun and raunchy super fast salsa dancing
Yamulee Dance Company from Bronx, NY
Paladium Mambo Legends: Freddy Rios and Mike Ramos: WOW
Connally HS Latin Dance: missed them, but saw them getting ready. They looked 25
Semeneya Dance Company from San Antonio: big troupe
reKreation Dance Company from Houston: huge group of kids hip hop influence
Jazzy Dance Company from Austin: DID and company. They were so awesome. Their spins and costumes. I like the song, too. It sounded familiar. I will ask DID what it was.
Troy Anthony was MC, but apparently he dances with his wife, Jorjet. She danced with another partner. They have a son about Hank's age. I think they live in New Orleans.
Oliver Pineda from Sydney: He did a barefoot solo. He was amazing.

Notes from Latin Music Series on PBS: (I probably have many names misspelled)
Enjoyed the first 2 installments the most - the birth and history of mambo and salsa

Mambo and Afro Cuban Music = "Jazz on Top/Traditional Cuban rhythyms on bottom"

I had not considered the African roots from recent history that permeate Cuba. People who look "black" to me, speak Spanish, and seem "Latino" to me that are Cuban. I was a little puzzled as to why Cuban and Puerto Rican immigrants in the 1950's congregated in NYC. Why not somewhere closer, like Florida? Was there more discrimination and less of a community established there at that time? Due to travel options by boat? It seems, although the rest of the country was still backwards and segregated, in certain neighborhoods in New York City, e.g. El Bario, "minorities" were able to live relatively freely, although, in pretty much poverty. And it seems there was an acceptance between the African and Latin ethnicities. And then us whiteys wanted in on it at the Palladium. Midtown Manhattan nightclub frequently by celebrities and the origins of the mambo (salsa "on 2")

Song Watermelon Man - Mongo Santamarin
Song Boogaloo Blues - Johnny Colon
"Boogaloo" as origin of salsa music
Song I like it like that - Pete Rodriguez
Song El Malo - Willie Colon, trombonist, cool, young kid from El Bario, NY, now a producer
lots of funny record covers playing up "gangster"
Singer Hector Lavoe - died from AIDS 1993 - an interesting voice that sits well among the instruments for salsa - timbales, trombones, congas, clave. I guess he was a heroin addict. I guess that is how he got HIV - from intravenous drug use. He wore super 1970's suits, and looked kind of dorky, but in a cool way.
Cuatro player Yomo Toro made Christmas album, La Muerca with Willie Colon
Bill Graham - Jewish musician and dancer

Barbara Craddock - original Mambo dancer
Millie Donay - original Mambo dancer
Cuban Pete - original Mambo dancer, Roy Hernandez reminds me of him
Auggie Rodriguez and Margo Pato Ronay? - original Mambo dancers

Jerry Masuchi - founder of Fania Record label - assembled movie - Our Latin Thing, Anacaone - La Canterra
I got the sense that it was thought he was kind of a scoundrel, although, they never came out and said it. He died in 1993, "a rich man." Apparently some of the All Stars, including one who had written over 300 hits for the Fania All Stars, had to work a second job as a postman to make a living.
Ruben Blades - Panamanian lawyer turned singer, collaborated with Willie Colon. Has a beautiful voice, and was able to create imagery in Spanish lyrics that people enjoyed and could relate to.
Celia Cruz - Cuban singer later brought into Fania All Stars
Cheetah Club - Fania All Stars - "Birth of Salsa"
Johnny Bachecko
Roberto Rodriguez
Larry Spencer
Barry Roger
Reynaldo Jorge
Adalberto Santiago
Hector Lavoe
Roberto Roena
Johnny Pacheo
Orestes Vilato
Bobby Cruz
Santos Colon
Cheo Feliciano

Hello, World in November

Been busy with sick Hank, sick me, lots of personal training, cleaning, cooking. I think that about covers it. Oh, and reading any and every trashy magazine with anything related to Robert Pattinson or Twilight or Kristen Stewart. And fantasizing that I am the one and only fan that would not be irritating. I won't scream, I promise!

Regarding the recent tragedy at Fort Hood, I saw the breaking news broadcast and was so incredulous and sad. I said, "geezzzus!" And Hank said, "geezzzus!" Not at all funny, but kind of funny Hank picked that word to repeat. I tried to get him to say, "shit," yesterday, but no go. Don't worry, CPS, I won't be doing that, anymore!

Not pregnant. Kind of glad I don't happen to be pregnant this month so I don't just look fat for Showcase, but it wouldn't have been too fat. I would have just had some breasts.
The thing about the tank top is, I am not worried it's TOO sexy. I am worried mine doesn't look sexy at all! They went away I am telling you. This is prepubescent bs! OK, I'm fine. Not a big deal in the Universe. Just a very very minor irritation that was caused by the greatest Joy in my life. No Big Deal!

Can't wait for New Moon. Downloaded Midnight Sun (first 12 chapters). It can't be printed! LAME. I was able to print 2 chapters off some crazy site, but it took 9 million years, and I was getting grey hair. Those 2 chapters were great, though.

Really going to try to get to deja vu tomorrow night. Wanted to go last week, but was too tired.
I think I am done being irritated with DPB about not going. He's got his own stuff going on. Not about me AT ALL. And I really really really don't like it when I allow an irritation to come out sideways. Plus, it's a delusion men and women can be good friends. It's true if a man wants to be good friends with a woman, it's because he hopes, someday, they'll have sex. I know I have blabbed about this a lot, but it's an old idea I keep taking back. I, as a woman, can be friends with anyone, but if a man doesn't want to have sex with you, and he is straight, he is not going to spend very much time or energy on you. I don't think that one is right and one is wrong, I just think we are two different animals that sometimes communicate on some level that satisfies each of us. The rest of the time, we are puzzled with each other. I think Brad still thinks I can read his mind. "You have to verbalize your wants and needs. I don't know what they are from moment to moment." I know what the look of blankness usually means, but I don't know where it's coming from or what I should do differently, per se.

Dear XY's, we XX's need to be told, in words, what you want, what you need. I know we can't expect to hear how you feel, but maybe a happy or sad from time to time. We also need you to tell us the same things over and over again, because we forgot. Yes, you proposed, and that means you wanted to marry us, but in our minds, you could be fantasizing about divorce or anything other than being married to us since about 1 week after we got back from the honeymoon. Know what I mean? Please, humor us, just a little! We will sincerely try to lay off the waterworks when you say anything that could possibly be considered critical of us or anything in our general vicinity that is a direct reflection of us. : )

I was going to do some dance drills and finish watching The Recruit, which would SUCK without Colin Farrell, BTW. But, I am going to sleep. Sleepy!!!