Sinus surgery

Worrying about the aftermath of my upcoming sinus surgery on Oct 26. I hear there will be blood coming out of my nose for 24 hours, and it will be packed. Apparently, it is not as painful as a tonsilectomy at age 30, but I am afraid I will feel claustrophobic. I would like to simply be fed soup and sedated the 48 hours after surgery if anyone knows a fairly reputable drug dealer in case my surgeon will not leave me in comfort. Granted, I have a high tolerance for most medications. But, I had 2 huge holes in my throat following the tonsilectomy, and vicodin was not even taking the edge off. I was MISERABLE for 2 weeks and then just crappy for another week. I asked for more or different pain meds, and the said no. I want to get something in writing or at least a verbal agreement that i would not like to suffer. Is that so much to ask? I'm not asking for a Keith Richards-style morphine drip. Just use some modern technology to keep me comfortable while I heal. And I hope this will end the 10 years of chronic sinus infections that have progressively gotten worse. I don't ever get tonsilitis, anymore. That's great news. I was pretty sure it was lung cancer or brain tumor until I got my imaging results back this week. Nothing bad in the lungs, just bronchitis and only the symptoms of chronic sinusitis inflaming those passages.

Why am I awake and typing? L'Shanah Tovah a mes amis Juifs!

There is never enough time to do anything in life, is there? There is time to do what we absolutely have to do, go to the bathroom, eat, drink, work. There must be exactly enough time to do exactly what we should be doing or time wouldn't be the way it is. When I find myself wanting to get HH or CH settled into an activity so I can go do something, I remember it is stupid. Then, I have to talk myself down off the ledge that I placed myself on, "stupid." Then, I remember, this is the ONLY thing in life to spend time on. BEing with each other as much as possible. It doesn't matter if the to do list isn't done. It's not a moral failure to have a long list left, it's a moral victory. We've avoided making this home improvement since Hank was born, just enjoying his wonderful little 3 year-old self. I sometimes feel too overwhelmed and sad about how extremely ephemeral it is. But, I know that misses the point, too. {Not going to walk down the "stupid" road, again). Enjoy in this moment the moment that has been freely given to me and my family. It is delightful to be around Hank and Charlie. Even when they challenge my patience or I am very tired. It's never not a joy. Of course I want more kids. The baby stage is challenging, but it's so short over one's lifespan. Once you get to enjoy every moment of babyhood with intense adoration and attention, a few years, and it's over. They never need you like that, again. They don't, and they shouldn't. Embracing the present and embracing the coming changes without panicking about them. Simple, but not easy. To enjoy Brad with delight like I enjoy the kids. That is a challenge. I am sure equally true for him. Strange how much the person you made the kids with becomes a complete enigma and powerful need to receive affection from. I thought it would be more casual. Like, you do your thing, I'll do mine, and we'll meet every once in a while. Ours does do his/her own thing, but not knowing what the other one thinks the first one should be doing. I do have opinions about what I think Brad should be doing, but I try to ignore them and keep them to myself. But, I always yearn to have the "yeah, you get me, and I get you" connections that we had tons of before marriage and here and there in the past 9 years. I want to model our excellent communication skills for the kids, but also so that we can enjoy each other in a way I think is possible for families.