Sunday, December 31, 2006

amateur night

Be careful if you go anywhere on the road between today and tomorrow morning - the amateurs will be out.
I have done quite a bit of emotion-focused coping this week regarding school. I am going to be the PhD with the most organized bathroom, closets, and possibly the cleanest house. I am in a cleaning out mood. I threw away a bunch of expired tylenol, etc from the bathroom cabinet yesterday. fascinating.
I am going exercising with Marie this morning, then I plan to spend the next 2 days finishing my stats. I was telling Brad - I have taken several stats classes, but only in the last one did we use the computer to do the calculations. I did value learning the concepts and why and when to use what. However, now that it is crunch time, I only want to know how to get the computer to do what I want. Terminology differs, etc.
Aunt Barbara sent us a Christmas cactus. It's going nuts.

Saturday, December 30, 2006

feisty exchange?

AP headline says Saddam had "feisty exchange" at gallows. Don't you think we all would be "feisty" before being hanged? What did they expect him to do? He is likely insane. He was likely a terrible person who tortured and murdered 100's of people. I have so many problems with the outcome of his trial, however. And I still do not think we, as civilized people, should a)kill him b)hang him or c)put the damned execution on tv. I saw a little of 20/20 last night, and they had already named the event, "death of a dictator." That really makes me want to puke. But, I cannot believe that we in the United States of America have the death penalty. We are no better than Medieval Europe. Or than some other countries in the world we would label "backwards."

Been working on my data. Good and bad news. A little confused as to what to do. Applied for a job at DSHS. Pretty pessimistic, but also just going to put one foot in front of the other.

Enjoyed TH's visit. As BH and I walked home from dinner, I said TH brings a different energy to our house - in a good way. BH and I are both quiet, and TH is quiet, too, but still another person to interact with is pleasant. And TH makes the place better than when he arrived, an extra. Who wouldn't love that? Another pro for kids. I could not stop myself from trying to persuade him to move here when he is done with school.

Going to try to continue to put my nose to the grindstone for the next week.

Friday, December 22, 2006

back in black

going tomorrow to pick up my 11 year chip. this is a good time for me to go to a meeting because the twins are driving me up the wall with I don't knows and I don't cares. I know it is my problem and not theirs. my part is going to the hardware store for bread for the 10000th time. progress, not perfection.
having a nice time for the most part. got some work done on my diss. unfortunately for me, the sample is very low on ATOD use. good for the school district. although, I suspect there was some underreporting. boo.
this time 11 years ago I was on my way to a meeting. made a bad pit stop and ended up having a terrible night. so terrible that I had a moment of clarity. it always pleases me to hear that amazing things happen from terrible things.
I don't believe God micromanages every aspect of everyone's life 100% of the time, but I believe God was micromanaging my life that night. and I don't know why I received the Gift, but I am grateful I did.

Monday, December 11, 2006

in the sangre de christos (cristos)

excited because I swam my fastest 100 m free time yesterday in Santa Fe - 1:26 during a set of many, and I did it a couple of times. this is almost exactly the same as my freaky fastest 100 yd free time of 1:17 I did during the summer of love with JH and MD.
having a good time enjoying snow, getting up early, eating awesome food, and exercising. tomorrow morning I am going to get up a 4 am so I can go to the gym I like where the people are the ultimate hippies. last year I overheard a conversation in which the gym regulars were lamenting about using energy to "heat their wooden boxes", i.e. use gas to heat their houses. Brad and these folks are definite earth ship inhabitants. tomorrow we are off to Red River. no internets, but I am hoping to get some skiing in. I used to LOVE to ski. I went 2-3 times a year every winter. maybe now that I am not giving my money to IMNA, we can go again, sometime. there are few physical feelings sweeter than carving a beautiful S curve or hopping down moguls without falling down. sex, swimming fast for me, ok cuddling, soft blanket naps in the winter. those are about equal in pleasure. some high sensation seeking, some extremely low.

Friday, December 01, 2006

long time no write

1. Opposition to Walmart building at Northcross Mall.
Brad and I attended a meeting with 400 of our neighbors last night who concur.
Here is a letter you can send to Austin City Council authored by Brad. Impressive.

I am writing to voice my opposition to the proposed urban Walmart on the site of the current Northcross mall. As a ten-year resident of Austin, I support responsible, neighborhood-friendly growth at Northcross and throughout Austin. I appreciate all the work the mayor and the city council has done in recent years to foster quality development. The revitalization of downtown, the Mueller redevelopment, the Huntsman site, the Triangle development, and planned high density, transit-oriented sites are just a few examples of recent high-quality development that have enhanced the quality of life in Austin. The proposed 220,000 square foot urban Walmart, however, is incompatible with the shared vision Austinites have for their city

The proposed Northcross Walmart Supercenter would be the second largest development in central Texas. Only Ikea is larger. Ikea is located on I-35 on the outskirts of a suburban community. The proposed Northcross Walmart would be located in a semi-dense urban neighborhood unsuited for retail development of this scale. I understand Lincoln Properties’ site plan predicts no increase in local traffic while an independent analysis predicts a tripling of local traffic. This is absurd. On this basis alone, the development should be halted.

Austinties oppose Walmart because Walmart is bad for our neighborhood and bad for our world. Walmart has a long, documented history of:
- increasing local crime
- harming local businesses
- decreasing surround property values
- increasing traffic congestion
- reducing local employment
- suppressing local wages
- increasing dependence on city and state government services
- polluting
- illegally employing children
- destroying the middle class
- enabling the exploitation of the poor around the world

Please confirm that you will direct the city manager to suspend approval of the Northcross mall site plan.

More info at

2. Intramural meet was a success. Swim meet participants = high sensation seekers! The whole thing was very exciting. You wait for your event. You watch the other events. Your event = extremely exciting. It was a psychological victory, if nothing else. I did go 39 high for 50 breast which got me 5th place out of 10-11 20 year olds!

3. Stacy and Steve's wedding this weekend. It is going to be a romantic weekend getaway for us. I am looking forward to it. Our Thanksgiving 5 day vacation was also extremely pleasant and relaxing.
I am sure it is I who is less anxious or something, but as a couple, we are doing very well. It seems to me we are both trying hard.

4. Texas Invitational Swim meet continues this evening. If I am not too tired, I am going to go.

5. Coach Steve cancelled this morning's practice. I am going to ride my bike inside.

because 6. it's cold outside!!!

Thursday, November 16, 2006

intra mural

don't call it intermural, please.
I am headed to the J, then am MAKING myself attend and participate in the intramural swim meet. 50 breast. this is the only event I speculate I will not lose by a lot.
my goal is not to come in last. I went off a starting block 3x yesterday for the first time in my life. all were successes. self-efficacy for going off starting block is high. I hope this will be a healing psychological experience as my first and only other swim meet experience was around age 9 or 10 and was unsuccessful. it was at SMU in the indoor pool. 3 things clenched my non-participation: starting gun, deep water, and starting block.
finished revising my proposal today. that was an early Christmas miracle. I had been making remarkably little progress really ever since the grant debacle.
now, on to the data!!!

Wednesday, November 01, 2006


I have diagnosed Brad with the flu. He had sudden onset of achy-ness and fever. He has been at home in bed all day. He won't take any vitamin C or fever reducer. I suppose fever is adaptive if one can stand the discomfort, but he is clearly in much discomfort. It is sad. I, selfishly, hope he has the flu for which I have been inoculated. I have had a flu shot for the past at least 10 years, so surely he has one of those. He clearly has the superior immune system, however, because he hardly ever gets sick. Apparently, this is one of the reasons I was initially attracted to him, and he to me, that we have very different immune systems, making for our super-Aryan babies. FREAKY. I read that in Getting the Love you Want by Harville Hendricks. That is an awesome book BTW. That being the part about the immune systems, not about the blonde-haired, blue-eyed breeding. Or possibly it was in How to be an Adult in Relationships or The Truth about Love. I am the only one of us who reads these books, however, I will take more than half the responsibility for our lack of communication skills. Well, sometimes. I have had lots of group therapy and regular therapy to learn the "language of feelings." But, the problem when one of you speaks French and the other speaks Japanese is obvious. Anyway, whoa, extreme tangent. But, I suppose I generally go from one non-sequitur to the next, don't I? ADD.
I have decided to sleep on the sofa. I wonder how it will go.
I had thought about, entertained the idea of, swimming 50 breast in the intramural meet. The best time I can remember off the wall in the short-course meter pool is 51. That is one of many, and not rested or anything. 2 week taper, right? haha This seems relatively fast to me. However, in converting to short-course yards, that would put me at around 45, which would put me in 15th place in 2004 (out of 15!) That seems extremely slow to me. I don't think I want to lose by that much. Additionally, I have never done a start off a starting block. I should take some courage from my former student who entered himself in 3 events, never having done a start, period, off the block or otherwise, including the 200 free. He thought he had come in 3rd or so, but instead, had lost count and had only swum 150 yards. After a lengthy conversation with the lane judge, he finished the last 50 at least a minute behind the last finisher. That was very brave. It is my last year of eligibility...

Saturday, October 28, 2006

black celebration

bh and I received our first used, retro cd purchase. I have already imported it to his itunes and put it back for sale on amazon. it was one I wanted - depeche mode - black celebration. I was listening to this album over 20 years ago. that is freaky. I suppose it gets freakier the longer one hangs around. I listened to the tape on my sony walkman about 100 times while riding with gary, judy, and cynthia coffman all over Germany. depeche mode are, of course, english. so, when I started singing, coupled with the fact that rhett miller sang with an english accent, I assumed one was supposed to sing using an english accent. in particular, when I sang depeche mode 'somebody' at the talent show in 9th grade, wearing a homemade tie-dyed tee shirt, my blue ten-hole doctor martens, a jean mini-skirt, and my egalitarian skinhead haircut, I sang it with an English accent. and one more thing, I played my classical guitar and finger-picked it using the Travis pattern.
I ran this morning long by myself for the first time in a long time. I listened to the end of morning edition and car talk. that was amusing.
I swam a lot yesterday. 6000 meters. I am an addict. more more more.
happy to see the signs for ba ba ba barbara ann radnofski and ted ankrum all through Brikerwoods, Tarrytown, and Pemberton Heights. the rich folks in Austin are Democrats.
someone needs to let barbara ann know, however, that the beach boys song the announcer refers to in her commercial is not BAR BAR BAR BAR BARBARA ann. it's ba. ba ba ba ba barbr ann. fyi.

Friday, October 27, 2006

force of good

bh and I had a very interesting discussion last night about the state of the world. interesting that my dad recently tried to convince me of the same thing. we decided that essentially good does triumph over evil, and that the world is progressing to a more and more enlightened and peaceful state. there are however, regressions towards evil such as the dark ages, the crusades, Hitler, Islamists, many more, I am sure. we agreed that women's rights took approximately 1000 years, black rights took 100-300 years, give or take your region, so certainly gay rights will not take even that long. the stonewall riots were in the late 1960's. it is no longer a social taboo to be gay. there are certainly hate crimes based on sexual orientation, but these have fortunately become fewer and farther between, and there is federal and state level legislation set up to prosecute those crimes.
I posited that all change is catapulted by crisis, much as internal, individual change is. bh said maybe gay rights won't even take a crisis. most young people favor gay marriage and think it is really stupid to legislate oppression.
I think that I do become sad and angry about things that happen in the world. recently, some mf arsonist started that fire in CA. firefighters dead. incredibly sad. many sad events.
however, I think I am so self-centered that any unhappiness or depression I feel is merely from self-absorption, and not from feeling sad about the state of the world. I think feelings about the state of the world are a necessary burden that engage people to take action to change things. I can see that change is a very constructive use of anger and disgust. I think the only reason I have ever changed anything was due to a crisis on some level.
meanwhile, I am trying to walk in the correct direction and do the next right thing.
I waited in line to check out at HEB for a good 15 minutes. I had great victory over impatience and read People. I didn't know Jen and Vince were on the outs.

Thursday, October 26, 2006


bh and I are bonding over the music of our youth. he downloaded a smiths album we have been listening to over and over. if we keep it up, however, we might reach clinical depression. ...let me let me get what I want, lord knows it would be the first time...
I also got out my records. it was cool to see them. we bought a little turntable to make mp3's from. very cool. sex pistols, depeche mode, violent femmes, the clash here we come.
I heard a musician interviewed the other day who mentioned that as music listeners we no longer have the visual stimuli records provided. she put pictures of herself dressed up in sexy outfits from the 1950's to address that void. still, cd pics are not nearly as cool as a big, fold-out record with all the liner notes, etc.
when cds came along, I never thought records would leave.
I was trying to remember college without a computer.
how did anyone ever write a dissertation??? they must have had 10-20 references instead of 100.
I am waitng on data from one more school. cannot make myself revise my actual proposal to reflect the changes. it's painful. I know I need to, I want to, I sit down, open it up, look at it, think about it, can't do it. tomorrow....
clients this afternoon 4-7, so I am going home for lunch, etc. yes, it's 1:20.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Chris Bell for Texas Governnor!

I am early voting for Chris Bell ASAP. He is eloquent, intelligent, and knows about state governmental processes. He is also pro-choice, anti-school voucher, pro-alternative energy. He is against gay marriage. Boo.
All the candidates are, however. I voted for him anyway and will bombard him with correspondence when he is elected.
#2 Civil rights and desegregation were once thought of as liberal ideas. I am now calling myself a moderate because the first step in making justice restorative, education effective, using stem cell research, gay marriage, alternative energy, women's rights, etc, etc, etc normative is viewing them as such.
This week, however, at the suggestion of dad, I am not listening to NPR.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

don't feel like it

I don't feel like doing ANYTHING which is good because Marie called at 6:15 to tell me she was too tired to run. I was 10% bummed/90% relieved. I don't have clients until 12:30 due to Sukkot. therefore I went back to sleep until 8:30 am! I know, I have really turned back into a teenager. swam at gre yesterday morning with some friends who are former swim students. then, we ate bagels. it was fun. girl time. I walked/ran at Town Lake on Thursday with another new gf. I never want to go before I go, but I am always glad during and after that I went. my mom and I talked about this the other day. I almost never want to begin an activity, particularly social ones, but once I get there, I am glad I did. very weird that experience cannot change that thinking.
BH and I went on a fun top-secret mission yesterday. not yet accomplished, but making headway. we also went by to pick up his refurbished bike he built that he needed some help putting the chain on. it's neat. he spent a lot of time sanding it and putting it together. it had been sitting outside up against the fence for over a year. it was inspiring.
this week will be pretty short because I am headed to big D to visit the family and go to the fair on Thursday. it is my one fried food/year. corny dog! I don't think I am going for a caramel apple this year. I like them, but the last one I got was not very good. the ones at senor murpy's in sante fe are the best caramel apples of all time.
I didn't enjoy watching most of the game yesterday. as I mentioned watching the tech/a&m game, it is easier to want texas' rivals to lose than it is to watch texas try to win. the second half was more pleasurable. ga. that was a lot of interceptions. brad came up with the hypothesis that the reason why people immediately focus on the next game or championship, instead of resting on the laurels of today's accomplishments, is that they, too feel anxious during the game, that there may not be victory. that is my #2 pet peeve about sports commentators. my #1 is that football coaches, players, and commentators rarely use the word, "ball;" they almost always say, "football." no shit it's a football; we are watching a football game. just call it a ball. we know what kind of ball it is. ga.
we also went to HEB during the first part of the game. it was interesting to see who was there - the punk rock kids, women, and many more black people than one normally sees at that HEB. that HEB is dominated by students of all colors, Latino families, and very few black people. we overheard a conversation that reminded me of a story Steve told me when he worked at a Pawn shop.
A young woman came in to the Pawn shop and was looking at rings. she looked for a long time and said, incredulously, "ain't you got no rings without no diamonds?" Steve thought about it for a minute, and then said, "yes ma'am, that is correct."

Friday, October 06, 2006


sick of tweaking my proposal.
went to steve's this morning. I kind of like not being chaffeur because I can stay as long as I want. water temp was PERFECT.
WU 200 Fr, 200 K, 400 Pu
6x50 Dr/Sw (Fly, Bk, Br) 2x on 1:10
6x50 EZ/fast Fr on 1:10

3x(3x50 desc 1-3 Fly, Bk, Br. 3 is all out and time it.) all on :15R
my Br was the fastest. FREAKY. I think I was about to cardiac arrest after 50 all-out fly at the end of 3 with :15R
each 3x50 followed by 300 EZ Fr. the slowest 300's of all time.

40x50 K
1-16=every 4th fast on :60
1-12=every 3rd fast on 1:05 on Bk
1-8=every other fast on 1:05
1-4=all fast on 1:05

CD 250 mix
back up to 5000 m. neat.

got a flu shot yesterday. not sore, really. was SUPER sleepy yesterday afternoon. could be unrelated. my eye is twitching indicating I am tired. I am going to veg tomorrow while I thoroughly enjoy watching the TXOU game.
going to seminar this afternoon. REALLY don't want to.
Brad REALLY didn't want to go to work today because everyone was complaining. I can relate. met with my 7 year old on Wednesday. it is cool. it is also cool not to have one with me all the time.

Saturday, September 30, 2006

way to go, Tech

I have to say I enjoy seeing Texas' rivals losing much more than I enjoy watching Texas play. watching Texas play is too tense because I want them to win. unfortunately, vaguely hoping someone will lose is not very tense, but just pure fun. and, while my late Grandfather and second cousin are A&M alums, A&M is simply a huge rival of Texas, and I am a 3x tea sipper. additionally, we do have several Tech alums. Tech was awesome against A&M. Robert Johnson scored 3 TD's. whooo knew. I read on wikipedia all about football and various positions while watching the game. this, after 25 years or so of trying to enjoy and watch football. picking the dolphins as my team because I like dolphins, and I have always disliked the cowboys for some reason. all the men in my life, God bless them, have failed to give me adequate information regarding the rules, the positions played, and body types and sizes best-suited for each position. the Tech players also happen to have awesome arms. similar to the awesomeness of David Robinson's arms. however, *David Robinson, the admiral, does have the best arms of all time (including deltoids)*.
the Texas game is not on tv. boo. maybe I can watch OU or Arkansas lose this evening.... watching OU lose to Oregon was totally awesome, as I think I mentioned.
so there are offensive linemen, defensive linemen, defensive linebackers. running backs line up behind the quarterback or next to him, and they get the ball handed to them and they run. I got the running part, but I never got the difference between them and the wide receiver. he is often called a FL which I forget what that stands for, but there can be mulitple wide receivers. they usually line up to the right of the quarterback. this makes so much sense. the rest of the offensive line cannot catch or take the ball. they are just supposed to protect the QB and make room for the running backs to run through. very interesting!!!
I urge you men, who know the rules of football, to take a woman, eager to learn, under your wing and explain these eccentricities to her. don't let her waste years puzzling over your excitement about incorrect calls, offsides, penalty flaga, etc.
geez, I wish I had gotten an LASP this semester.

Friday, September 29, 2006

happy bday, bh!

swam this morning at lost creek for the first time probably in a month. between marie being sick, my getting sick, my being sleepy, and my being afraid of cold water, I don't think we have gone since August. #1 my flip turns gets messed up when I go from 25 yd to 25 m and back, again. #2 there is no way I ever swim as fast by myself as I do when steve tells us what to do.
WU 400 swim, 300 kick, 300 pull
6x50 1-3 EZ/build, 4-6 EZ fast on 1:10
8x200 1-4 100 FR fast, 100 BK/Fly x 25's. OUCH. 5-8 100 FR fast, 100 IM. OUCH. I did them all on 4:30.
3x(2x100 kick on 1:40, 2x100 FR on 2:00) all with fins. yeah, except marie kills me because she can kick faster than I can.
CD 200 EZ
=4300 m. arms = tired.

sinuses felt better after swimming, but I have been poking my face for the rest of the day. ouch. they are stuffy and achey. dr. eskew told me to use afrin for 3 days. it feels so good to use it. you are not supposed to use it for more than 3 days in a row. it is addictive. and lord knows, I can get addicted to anything.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

boo reaucracy

don't worry about your tax dollars being wasted on academic research. I imagine there will be no competition for this dissertation research grant because it is such a complicated process to submit the grant. you need a Ph.D in bureaucratic run-around to know how to submit the thing. I am really frustrated and needed to take a venting break, but I didn't want to actually call anyone and talk on the phone or email because I realize this is a luxury problem. I would really like to cry, however.
I visited my mentee yesterday. she is 7. I was impressed with the school. it is clean, small classes, students' art on the walls. I am hoping this endeavor will help keep me in today and in gratitude. I realize it is supposed to be helping her by my imparting some wisdom or guidance or something. I imagine it is just my undivided attention that will be the most useful to her. even if I answered in chinese.
in other complaints, my sinuses still hurt. it's sad. I did sterilize some water to resume my neti pot. I put a 1/4 teaspoon of salt for 2 cups water. this didn't burn or anything so I am guessing is dilute enough.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006


think I might possibly go crazy. made my 5 copies of my grant and 5 colated sets of appendices to take over to the office where they sign and send them. I have been in communication with them for several months. turns out in May, probably seconds after I downloaded the ms word docs, they posted new forms. the forms are identical to the old ones except that in the footer they have an unpdated date. therefore, I may have to make 5 more sets of colated copies and appendices and take them over on Thursday. it's due Oct. 1, so it's not down to the wire. good.
in other bad news, I think I have a sinus infection. I have been irrigating with sterile saline, but now I am out. I was keeping ahead of the ragweed, etc, but I guess I am now behind. fortunately, I had a full stash of antibiotics from last spring, so I started those this afternoon.
I can't find any medical professional who will confirm or deny that the saline needs to be sterile. several docs over the years have told me to snort water in the shower up my nose. it seems this would be extremely unsterile. I called the UT nurse helpline and she had never heard of any type of sinus lavage. what the who.
I was using this wound wash stuff that was sterile saline in a can, but it is kind of expensive. I thought about using contact saline because it is sterile, but I read on the internets that it may contain preservatives that irritate the sinuses.
I welcome your medical advice.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

L'Shanah Tovah!

I am looking forward to the High Holy Days this year because they fall over a Saturday/Sunday coincidentally. I def need a break from the spinning classes after last week. I think I did make progress last week, because I only obsessed about the other instructor and one annoying participant for less than 24 hours. oy vey, progress, not perfection.
I was just looking up the spelling for happy new year in Hebrew, and I found a site that has expressions for Jewish holidays. "have an easy fast" is the appropriate greeting to someone on Yom Kippur. it said, "don't wish someone happy Yom Kippur. it's not a happy holiday." I thought that was kind of funny. instructions for gentiles. don't wish someone happy day of atonement.

allergies = extreme boo. don't feel like working on my proposal. ears stuffy. head stuffy. rag weed = boo!
5 minute rule. Brad is out riding, of course. I have no idea where my discipline went that used to get me out EVERY Saturday morning to ride for 4-6 hours. I wouldn't schedule anything on Saturday mornings because I wanted to ride. today, and most of the Saturdays this month I have slept until 7-10! am. today, I got up at 7:30, reluctantly, but Rockit was too loud.
I guess it's just OK.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Hair here.

Hair gone.


proposal went fine. I was clearly nervous when I started, but once we started discussing it, I felt very comfortable, and it was fun to talk about it with them. I guess I was traumatized by the ex phys peeps more than I realized because the HED peeps really are sweet. I guess that is how they gained the FFF nickname - fifth floor feel-gooders. I have to change a few things really to make it simpler. not a big deal. and I think it will be very elegant. I am still glad I learned how to do SEM, but I am not going to use latent variables, I will use path analysis. I can still use SEM software though which is so EASY to do the calculations and effect sizes and all that stuff. neat.
I was going to go swim, but I DON'T feel like it. I guess that is OK. Although, I have only swum once this week, and I haven't been to Steve's in a couple of weeks! he is going to think Marie and I are cheating on him with another coach.
she has been sickie and I have been afraid of potentially and actually cold water. next week we head back.
I have a sinus headache, but other than that, am happy!
I feel so much more confident about the next step which will be the defense in the spring. doesn't seem like it will be too bad. if they all agreed on the study to begin with.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

definitely freaked

I am officially completely nervous about my prop pres. officially. it will be great to be completely sleep deprived and nervous by the time Friday gets here. I just remembered to reserve a computer and projector for the room. DUHHHHHHH. I know that room doesn't have a projector or a computer. thank you, Lord. and, yes, I know that God sent me a telepathic message to get that done because I didn't remember.
I think if I had received ANY feedback on it up until this point, I might be a little less nervous.
I keep going over the worst case scenario: they all say it is the worst proposal they have ever read and the worst presentation they have ever seen. I have to rewrite it. that wouldn't be so bad. if they really thought it was terrible, they would probably give me some really specific instructions on what to change.
I also have my grant proposal all printed out with a letter for them all to sign so that I can schlep it over to OSP via Kinko's to make 5 copies and send off to Maryland.
wow. these are luxury worries.
come down off the ledge.
pretty day today.
I wish they would quit saying it's going to be cool, however.
it's cooler.
not cool.
back off to the J. DO not want to go. oh, well.

Sunday, September 17, 2006


OU loss to Oregon = awesome. the dorky northwestern Oregon students were AWESOME. they were so excited. we watched the last quarter during dinner last night.

if you wanted to carry on a conversation with someone, would you go to a group exercise class? no, you could go ANYWHERE else in the gym. anywhere else in the world. when you go to a group exercise class, you go to exercise and follow the instructions of the instructor. is that crazy?

no, it is crazy to become mentally obsessed with 1 in 14 people. THAT is crazy.

brad and I did some heavy lifting to move the drawers out of the truck into the new shed addition. seems to be what weight lifting is really for. to be able to functionally lift weights. I think I am going to be sore. I hope brad will opt to sometimes drive the lexus. I feel bad driving his dad's car. he should get to drive it. and, now I can see out the back of the truck so I can drive it in the parking garage.

watching joseph campbell. apparently, it's our culture's judeo-christian framework upon which we build our values and daily rituals that separate us from our true consciousness which was more eloquently and adaptively articulated by the hindus and later buddhists. that the earth is our mother, and each night we die with the moon and each morning are reborn with the sun. and nature is something to be embraced not viewed as a knowledge of evil. makes sense.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

stinking it up

I guess now that we are #8, we don't get to be on network tv. stink a link. guess we will be kveting it. or waiting until tomorrow. major applewhite is an offensive coach for rice. I always thought he was in the military. no, his name is major.
not so SMRT.
brad said the biggest travesty about those crockett HS defensive football coaches being put on leave was that a HS has FOUR defensive coaches. I concur.

Friday, September 15, 2006

we're just dumb

yes, it must be that powell, mccain, and the rest of us just don't understand common article 3 from the geneva convention of 1949. we just don't understand that what the president is proposing are simply necessary clarifications of the law. yeah, who was it, probably churchill, eisenhower, I am guessing, that came up with those laws. they just weren't thinking ahead.

Thursday, September 14, 2006


when a person has REALLY bad cramps and doesn't feel good, his/her face hurts from allergies, and he/she is moody, this person does not want to decide what to eat for dinner. especially when the aforementioned person decides on dinner 364 days/year.
just wanted to let you know. in case you were wondering.


in case anyone was wondering, I am having really bad PMS, or PMDD, although it is not pre, it's during.
it stinks. I feel like wrapping myself in fleece and curling up in a ball. eventhough, it's hot outside. I shouldn't have watched the weather, because they set my expectations for this cool front unrealistically high. if I had been surprised by it, I think I might have perceived it as cool. I know, who cares! I just don't feel like doing ANY of the things I have to do.
I went to deliver consents this morning to HS #2. it was a pretty rough place. I have been really grateful lately that one only has to attend high school once.

Monday, September 11, 2006

I found what David Letterman said about Sept.11 very poignant and true. I am paraphrasing. Something like "we are told this act was performed by some religious zealots. They did it in the name of religion. How will that ever make any goddamned sense?"
I have seen many of the online movies regarding other motives and scenarios regarding the World Trade Centers' collapse. Some seem to have compelling evidence. However, it is unfathomable that they are true. It is easier to believe, although unbelievably absurd, that the attacks were in the name of religion.

In my insignificant life...
Hand delivered my proposal mail this morning. I feel relieved and excited. I also feel afraid as I have received very little feedback on it other than Lana proofreading a draft or so ago for grammar. I think it is interesting and well-done. However, I am afraid I have missed something huge, or something along the lines of 'they are going to find out' I am not smart.
Taught 2 swimmings this morning. Have 2 this afternoon. I have 8 hours of clients tomorrow. Got done with my proposal just in time. It is challenging for me to be positive, authoritative, watchful, and relaxed simultaneously. Especially while trying to learn 120 names. It all comes together after a couple of weeks, but the first few are intense.
I am REALLY trying to maintain an attitude of service and gratitude. I remember each morning, then I realize mid-way through the day that I have forgotten. I can't believe I am still human. It seems after practicing this for 10 years or so I would be sweeter, calmer, and more perfect. If I were perfect, I wouldn't need God's help. I think that perfectionism has been the most plaguing character defect ever. It permeates every aspect of my life. The BB says the worst culprit is fear. I suppose perfectionism is rooted in fear. OK, I'm done.

Sunday, September 10, 2006


printing my proposal to deliver to my committee tomorrow! it is freaking me out because I am afraid once I have them all done I will find a grammatical error or something else dumb. however, I am also really sick of reading it over and over. it's too bad so many trees have to die to be in academia. but, I am so glad that the typewriter is obsolete. and there is this thing called ENDNOTE.

one of my spin participants said you can pay to ride in a fighter jet. now, you know what to get me for christmas....

planted my fall "garden" yesterday in a bunch of pots. we have a small section of sun on the south-facing side of the house, so I planted vegetables in half and flowers in the other half. I also planted some herbs in tiny pots. if anything, it is cute. especially once the pots of dirt have some green stuff in them.

marie and I cancelled our sunday afternoon swim date for about the 1000th time. we often plan to swim on sunday afternoons and 99.9% of the time one of us is too tired. NW closes at the end of the day today. now, we will have to brave steve's or the J's cold waters. if they J would quit aerating, that would help. it has been getting in the low 70's at night. no need to aerate!

watching B on IMlive. she is out of the water, but that's all I can see. it's always a good thing to make it thru the swim, though.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

fighter pilots

well, I think I have a new career aspiration. 4 F/A-18 Hornets have been flying around the stadium to practice their flying around the stadium tonight. they flew right over our house this afternoon and at the start of the game, we are guessing from kileen to san antonio and back. too bad you have to be in the marines to fly these things. they were really cool. maybe someday our military will be purely for humanitarian aid and I can travel in a fighter jet helping people adhere to physical activity and not smoke.
brad told me smoking kills 500,000 people a year. I didn't know that. I thought the no.1 killer was CVD. it is, but almost all smokers develop CVD and those who don't, get cancer. smoking is the leading cause of preventable death in the US. about 40,000 of those deaths are of non-smokers who die from second hand smoke-related CVD, cancers, and respiratory diseases. as a smoker of 10 years and non smoker of 9 years, I can't believe anyone would ever smoke. the only people dumb enough to start smoking are teenagers, case in point. seems like if we could prevent teenagers from ever starting, we might have something. meanwhile tobacco companies have been increasing nicotine in cigarettes over the past 6 years. good job. how could you ever sleep at night?
should be printing out my proposal. efc: emotion focused coping = update blog, watch football, drink hot tea.
bm is doing IMWI tomorrow. go, b-dog!!!

Sunday, September 03, 2006

the usual

we started our usual texas football weekend with tailgating at 8 am (game at 11). brad painted his face just like he always does for home games, but this time, to look like vince young. I think some people mistook this minstrel idea and were offended. you know how much brad loves vince young, and he misses him terribly. consequently, brad had a little too much md 20/20, and we had to walk him and his bike home at halftime. when we got home, we was passed out in the backyard clutching his vince young and bevo stuffed dolls with the radio blasting the post-game show.

we actually had our usual brad rides, mh does whatever. I slept until nearly 10 am yesterday! that is probably the first time in over 10 years. we got new glasses and picked them up today. brad's are really cool. mine, of course, make me look smrt.
looking forward to doing a lot of nothing tomorrow. it's not 1000 degrees outside, a pleasant reprieve.
getting things done for my proposal presentation in 3 weeks!!!

Friday, August 25, 2006

I don't know why everyone thinks Jean Schmidt doctored her 1993 Columbus marathon photo. Marie ran 3:19 at age 40.

Oh, here's our friend Stacy winning IM HI.

Monday, August 21, 2006

I guess I was out of the loop when the healthcare workers in NO were charged in late July. It is completely disgusting that those who risked their own lives, not to mention comfort or health to take care of the infirmed, (whom everyone else had abandonned) would be charged with a criminal offense. PLEASE, if I am 70 years old and a DNR, the hospital is flooded, no fresh water, no electricity, it's over 100 degrees inside PLEASE give me morphine and midazolam. Where was the law enforcement after the levees broke? Shooting at people trying to leave, already left themselves. We should all be so fortunate to have truly selfless people to take care of us during a disaster if we could not take care of ourselves. Ugh, it is digusting!!!!,0,6607636.story?coll=la-home-headlines
LA Times article from July 21.

In non-news, I got my diss survey up and running online. Still waiting on person #5 and now, September to roll around. Wouldn't it have been wonderful to get it done BEFORE classes started, like when I emailed all of them in early August. Oh, well. Obviously it's the tiniest blip on the radar of importance.

Johnny was a naughty boy, but Johnny is no more, for what he thought was H20 was H2SO4. HS chemistry. Apparently, the new airplane bombers would have died from sulfuric acid inhalation while assembling the bomb inside the airplane bathroom before the over an hour it would have taken to assemble the bomb with the chemicals they brought. So, apparently, it is not necessary that we have trashed all the creme de la mer and evian water before boarding. But, doesn't it make the Republicans look herioc to stop the terrorists before they get us again.
I suppose I am susceptible to the culture of fear just as much as anyone else, but it is disgusting to try to manipulate us into believing that what we are doing in Iraq is OK because we are preemptively stopping war or being attacked.
I can't believe the world has allowed the US to preemptively stop war essentially since we declared independence.
I know I said it wouldn't be so bad to be a tea sipper, but apparently the apple doesn't fall very far from the tree as Blair and W are bff's.

Well, some news is we saw Andy Roddick at Austin Java. Did I already tell you that? He is tall.
He won his first big tournament of the year today. The UT swim alums are breaking their own WR's left and right. Texas invite is this fall. It's pretty neat. Although, I don't know many of the current collegiate swimmers.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

ready to move

bh and I had a great vacation. met up with th in santa fe. hiked up santa fe baldy. it was not TOO tough, except the last mile was 1000 ft ascent. the net ascent was only 2000 feet - from 10 to 12, but the round trip was 14 miles. except that bh and th are part mountain goat, and have hearts the size of grapefruits, and mine is the size of a tangerine, I think. then we drove up to leadville. it was pretty awesome. we hiked up mount elbert - the easiest route was a 5000 foot ascent over a little over 5 miles up. from 10 to 14.5. round trip was around 11 miles, I think. the footing was easier, though. we were above tree line for a long time. the views from the top were pretty spectacular. leadville, itself was awesome. they have a 12 mile asphalt trail that circumnavigates the town, coffee shop with soy lattés, and a lap pool. the houses are cheap and unbelievably cute. most built in the late 1800's. we ate at tim's high mountain pies 3x. 2x pizza, and once an amazing sub sandwich. stayed at the historic delaware hotel. it was historic, but not too historic - running water in the room, etc. drove back in one day. not our plan, but it worked out. really enjoying each others' company. that has been wonderful.

back on the bureaucracy train trying to get 6 adults in a room together to listen to my proposal. I can see why people quit this thing before it is over. I have been able to see at many stages why people quit. I suppose it is not an intellectual feat at all, but a feat in perseverance and stubbornnes. thank goodness I am unbelievably stubborn. I had always viewed that as a defect.

felt emotional today during spin class when U2's "one" came on. kind of goofball, but I was overcome with sadness. still very unhappy with what all the goverments and militaries involved are doing in the middle east. I don't know what I can do about it. brad told me the san marcos convenience store owner, who is pakistani, gets harassed by the san marcos pd, a professor from texas state, and various patrons. I am so increduluous that these things happen in 2006???!!! I suggested we call the ACLU, but she would be run out of town, I suppose. she is unbelievably nice. it is irrelevant, but she is a non-practicing muslim. how inoccuous is that? her phone is tapped. rest assured your tax dollars are being spent listening to her talk about her family, their medical problems, and the store for hours on end. good job, w!

marion jones suspected of taking EPO. if these pro athletes really are taking drugs, would someone PLEASE tell them which drugs will actually enhance their performances. jones and landis should switch docs if they are guilty. maybe I am naive, but I think landis is innocent. I have no idea why a sprinter would take EPO, so I think Jones must be innocent, also.

bff neil walker was on the relay team who set the new WR in the 4x100 free at the commonwealth games. pretty cool!!!
saw other bff shaun jordan for the second time in a row while I was wearing my shaun jordan swim camp tshirt. guess we are cosmically tied... I really don't wear that tshirt very often!

Tuesday, August 01, 2006


look at a picture of floyd landis. then, look at a picture of barry bonds. one of these things is not like the other.
I was going to post some, but don't feel like going thru the trouble. but, do you get my point?
floyd's 2nd test comes back saturday. I will be shocked if it's true that he took steroids. if he did, he really needs to get a new doc. that would not help his cycling performance.

lana is here visiting. we are having a nice time. we took brad's computer to the mall today. we spent longer at the mall than we have in years and bought nothing. weird.
we have walked at the lake after I exercise every day so far.

48 hour cease fire that lasts 12 hours. huh.

despite the state of the earth, I am feeling better. I guess individuals have to do well to make any change, so I am not going to feel guilty about it. brad got a letter back from kay bailey yesterday. he had pointed out that she opposed clinton's going to somalia, and supported bush's going to iraq. she said that conflicts without an end date needlessly endanger our soldiers' lives. hm. she didn't respond to her contradictory statements in the letter. at least someone from her office wrote back. I believe if enough of us write to them and tell them what we think, surely they will listen. or VOTE. I realize this is probably unrealistic. but, otherwise, I go back into existential meltdown.

Friday, July 28, 2006

dark cloud slightly lighter

well, if you are wondering what to get me for christmas.... it's a subscription to multivariate behavioral research. just in case you were wondering. who knew I liked research methods? not I. but, I do!
lana and I went to my offfice today. got my grant proposal updated. just need to do a couple more things and I can send it off. once I get committee approval!
sent them all an email yesterday to try to begin the ball rolling to presenting my proposal. I now see that the ball rolls much like a bowling ball pushed by an ant uphill through sand. ok, maybe not quite that bad, but I didn't get any response from 3 of them, yet.
looked a lot for a job yesterday. many jobs for DSHS (TDH). many. a professor I asked was optimistic and said it was a matter of timing. to me, time is one my side because of my skills. I have a job that I could work more at for a period of months. this seems totally reasonable to me. is it, in fact, unreasonable?
she also said I could work for the city. it also seems to me a school district would be a reasonable option.
I felt very anxious looking. of course the ones I found were for today, this week, etc. a few looked REALLY cool. but, those will be gone. this is how I felt looking for a house. I can see why I have not yet looked.
anyway, trying to talk myself down off the ledge.
afterall, I am healthy, bh is healthy, family is healthy. ok, physically, not mentally, clearly!!! I can run, although my leg is a little irritated so I am biking tomorrow instead of running. I have a great roof over my head. I never miss a meal. I think I need bigger hand paddles to swim with, that's super cool. bh and I are going to the mountains. trying to get reexcited about that one. my house is not being bombed.

I don't categorically support any government under all circumstances. I have been talking with my peeps about the middle east situation. it seems many categorically support a country no matter what it does. I don't categorically support anyone or anything no matter what it does. if brad started bombing people, even if they had bombed him in the past, I would not categorically support him. I would still love him, and I would support him as a person, but I would not support his bombing people.

found out some more old friends died. Alex Magocsi who used to write for the Observer and Mark Durham. sad.
I guess this is what happens the longer you stay alive. it is hard to think this will get easier, especially as people closer and closer go. people say that births balance it out, but I have never felt that.

we did have a birth, however in the fam. d&d had girl #2. very cute. all are well. that is good news.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

et tu, floyd?

I really hope it's not true. I don't know enough about thyroid meds to know if that is a plausible answer. Or the hip meds. I think I could have grown a beard while I was on the prednisone, but I don't know if the dose I was on would have been considered performance enhancing.
I just hope the B sample comes back neg.
geez, over the edge today!


when the importance of something is very high, and there is another variable I can't remember, motivation required to do it becomes very high. it's an exponential relationship between the 3. I have the article in my office, and I am at home.
not getting any school work done. I did reorganize a couple of things, clean, laundry, other little things I had been putting off because I have been working so hard on my diss.
had a discussion regarding my career plans. feel very depressed. feel very unable to concentrate. feel very hopeless. yucko.
I was really rocking along, and now I am having an existential melt down. yucko 2.
lana is coming to visit. "we" are going to knit and work on my diss. that is, if I can get my brain to reboot.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006


I guess it's from drinking iced tea all morning and staring at the computer.
#1 I had a set of arrows drawn the wrong way in my SEmodel. DUH!
#2 I am getting a negative variance I can't figure out. It is impossible to have negative variance. Duh.
#3 I have a standardized regression weight greater than 1. Also impossible. Duh.
2 and 3, however, I cannot figure out. they will have to wait until another day. this afternoon is clients. tomorrow, clients. last day of swim lessons.

Monday, July 24, 2006


brad said now when we ride people will yell, "floyd!" instead of, "lance!" yes, they will. he is certainly a more humble and likable fellow.
got an actual SEmodel to run today. the fit was pretty terrible, but I used my own data, drew the model, and got the dang thing to run. I am pretty excited.
noise in bmont is a little disturbing to my deep thought. fortunately, the workmen quit around 2 pm. must me nice to be contracted by UT. today I was entertained by the escalator repairmen who were enjoying wham!, kool and the gang, and a duran duran. it kept going, but I cranked my organ hymns. fairly amusing.
lifted weights with bh yesterday at the J. sore.
did you see the sunday talk shows? bush press secretary? ugh.

Friday, July 21, 2006

go, floyd

yesterday my yahoo news had a headline lance and bruyneel knew landis couldn't hack it. today it says landis can probably win. I like to make headlines in retrospect, also. got to watch quite a few stages at my parents' house. alp d'huez was pretty cool.

there has been so much going on in the news I haven't had time to comment.
it seems so blatantly and painfully obvious that bush is a total incompetent based solely on the stem cell research bill. yet, he continues to add more evidence on top of that. either life is sacred or it is not. embryos that would have been used to save lives will now be destroyed, or as he thinks of it killed. how could that make any sense? he supports the death penalty - strike 2. and there is that war.
one time at the 7 am gary h. talked about getting upset by the news. he said his sponsor told him the newspaper was not for him to read. I kind of agree, but I also think that we can handle things when the wind stops blowing. I wrote letters to my senators and representative about the stem cell bill. I am not sure how they ended up voting (or if they voted at all.)

coach steve won't be at practice today so I am going over to the J this morning. I hope the water is 80 or above. the masters coach there thinks freezing is better. I am banking on the 100 degree weather to undermine his evil plot.

got a lot of work done in my office yesterday. I am in super clean-out mode. got stuff like that done here on wednesday.

consumer note: don't buy an appliance from sears. our frig quit working last week. I had bought the extended warranty when I bought the frig. they couldn't come out to fix it for 2 weeks. they said in order to get reimbursed for our food spoilage, we would need to keep the food to prove we had food in our frig. yes, most people don't keep any food in their frig. poor brad called probably 20 different times including the times to the "direct service line." he kept getting hung up on, transferred, put on hold. finally he talked with a manager who "escalated" our call. why should a repair need to be escalated, and why do they not have enough technicians so that people don't have to wait 2 weeks? the guy came out on wednesday and fixed it. he didn't want to see our trashcan full of food. we also took pictures of the food before we threw it away.
anyway, just a word of warning. who knew they would suck so bad.

Friday, July 14, 2006

big d

in big D. played last night. had fun. remembered most of my own songs. had some help. that part was fun. saw some folks I hadn't seen in a LONG time and some that I hadn't seen in a while. it was nice to see everyone. I felt loved. cool.

gave my 2nd cousins swim lessons yesterday. it is easy to teach kids that have been indoctrinated with don's lingo. shark nose bubbles, giant pizza circles, and aloha ears. no wonder they looked at me like I was speaking Japanese.

heard the word Doran 2 is here. congratulations!!!

haven't gotten any work done, but I have gotten to enjoy the company of my parents. that is pretty cool.
riding inside watching the tour on their cable is fun. makes it easy to push on the trainer. got to swim at the landry center and am going again. was going to go to the dallas J, but it is far. the bapists are close to my parents house.

speaking of baptists, my dad said the baptists have the best hymnal as far as religious music goes. I guess I have to agree that there are some classics, but I love me some anglican organ music. how great thou art, his eye is on the sparrow, and were you there are pretty awesome. but o, God our help in ages past and a mighty fortress is our God totally rock.

mother and I have some serious missions today. getting packets of condiments at a store near fair park and hot dogs from costco. we both enjoy doing those things.

Thursday, June 29, 2006


made a 96 on my last stats test. isn't that awesome? especially because I am taking the class pass/fail.
well, I think it might be a first for me.
enjoyed the dry-er weather which now appears to be over.
steve's pool was 75 on wednesday morning. too cold!
cc swim team is winding down. I wish I could adopt my little 6 year old. I don't think his mom would appreciate that. plus, I would have to bring him up to my office during the day which I don't think he would appreciate.
bh and I are having July 4 hangout day on Sunday because I will be working on my last SEM test on July 4.
thinking about vegging in Dallas in a couple of weeks. awesome.

Sunday, June 25, 2006


Just got a reply regarding my exercise dependence survey email soliciation that was pretty funny. This lady said she would be happy to fill it out if I told her how I got her email address. If I didn't reply to this email, she would report me to "internet security." I imagine Al Gore must be running this deparment. It is actually legal to send someone an email asking them to participate in academic research, FYI.
Many are ironmanning today. Checking on folks online. Everyone looks good so far. I feel relieved to not be up there. It would be WAY too much with summer school, clients, munchkins, sleeping.
Had our munchkin meet yesterday. Had to scrap the relay because of the rain. Everyone did well.
Finished my take-home test! Going to work in the yard this afternoon.

Thursday, June 22, 2006


I have lots of data for my exercise dependence study. woohoo. people are complaining about internal consistency reliability. if you say strongly agree for I like to run, and strongly disagree for I like running, I know you are cuckoo and will not give your answers as much weight. see? I hope I can get 200 from the online survey. that would be awesome.

for the record, the windows remote server is a HUGE pain in the neck. AMOS software is giving me grey hair. other than that, things are peachy.
swm meet for the little guys on saturday. then working on my SEM test.
only two more weeks of both after tomorrow. wow.
was getting run down, but I rested yesterday, and today feel perkier.
had a send off dinner for marie last night. I imagine she will kick ass at IMCDA.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

An old friend, Mark Bynum, passed away on Thursday. Young with a young family. Unbelievably sad.
I hadn't seen Mark for about ten years, but I always remember him having a smile on his face.
When Mark lived in Austin, he had a dog named Fritz, often called Fritzy. He told me the dog didn't like girls. (The dog had apparently been taunted by girls earlier in its life.) I thought I could fool the dog, so I tried lowering my voice to call the dog and walked over to the dog like a guy. Did not work. Pretty funny.
We visited lots of lakes and springs one summer - Krause Springs, Hamilton Pool, and others I don't even know the names of. Lots of floating on tubes and drinking beer.
Mark let us stay at his ranch while we were getting sober. I remember his driving us into "town" which consisted of a gas station with a sandwich shop to get a sandwich. I think the sandwich was especially good because I hadn't been eating much, but it was a really good sandwich.
The family requests that charitable donations be made in his name. Communities in Schools, 6707 Brentwood Stair Road, Suite 510, Fort Worth, TX 76112. Keep praying for his family.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

like a normal person

ran yesterday morning on the street pretty much like a normal person. I did 9 min run, 1 min walk for 40 minutes, then ran the rest of the way. no leg pain at all. back is a little sore today.
summer school class going well. getting a little handle on spss. material is not challenging so far. it's the dang software. but, I found a TDH job online the other day for researcher that said must be proficient in stats analysis, etc., so here I go becoming proficient.
coaching the little kids is making me want a little kid. my 9:15 spin class this morning said, "hi, miss meredith." when I said hi to them. I told them about the little kids, and they said, yes, they love you because you didn't get them up early, make them eat and get dressed to get to swim practice. still, they are cute and sweet. a few in particular. one little girl hugs me hello and goodbye every day. an 11 year old boy tries to tell me weird stuff, and it's funny, and a 5 year old I am in love with. extremely precious. finish school, let Brad go to school, and then some offspring, I think.
saw al gore's movie yesterday. inspired to commute on my bike when I have time. inconvenient, it is. seems unbelievable we are where we are, but seems doable to get to where we need to be if we can REMOVE the republicans from congress and the white house. ugh.
went to costco yesterday and tried to remember that, with the exception of me, most people don't bring their brains to costco. this helped me understand the driving and parking in the middle of the aisle. or at least to hate the game and not the playas.
next sping I am going to get ready for "so you think you can dance tryouts." awesome.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

gay terrorists

read about the national gay marriage ban/flag burning amendment - in the interest of securing our nation's values. SO many problems with this. if you want to secure the sanctity of marriage, execution for people who get divorced. number 2) all those boy scouts who burn old flags as a service to us will go to prison, now. why are we moving backwards on civil rights, freedom of speech, not to mention world peace? is it not 2006?

had a good long weekend. lots of house projects progress. leisurely ride with bh, yesterday. awesome. running easy with marie this morning as she DOMINATED her age group and the masters' age group at cap tex yesterday. we got to sleep a little late, today.

have my regular work day of clients today. 8 hours. it's not too bad broken into 2 halves.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006


the same cuckoos who elected GWB must have called in and voted on American Idol this year.
I reiterate that Elliot Yamin is awesome and by FAR the best vocalist on all 5 seasons of the show. I have watched at least 20 minutes of each season. this season I saw quite a few. Elliot was awesome on the Burt Bacharach medley of the finale.
at least the girl was hot. the guy that won, can't sing, is a goob, and is nc (not cute).
possibly one of the darker moments in American history.

good news is I got subjects for my diss study!!!
it's a secret, I guess. now, all I need is IRB approval, do the pilot, and present to my committee. that's it.


happy bday, TH!!!

last week coach steve kept asking me if we were staying on the intervals he gave us. I kept saying yes. then I said I always stay on them unless you go crazy. there was a crazy kick set shortly after that.
today, more craziness. I said we needed to get the crack out of steve's coffee. I am not sure he knew what I meant.

WU 300 fr/dr/fr/kk on 6:30 no fins. yeah, came in at 6:45 on the first one and 6:5x on the second. drilling & kicking with no fins during warm up = extremely slow.

12x50 kk (on :60 desc 1-3, 4=3 pace, 5 ez, 6 all out. x 2)
200 ez swim

3x(3x50 on :50, 1x100 on 1:50, 4x50 on 1:30 coming in at :45). first 50 was :47 - as fast as I have ever gone. slowest was :52 which would be WAY over the interval. most were :50 which is NO rest. I think he forgot the pool was 25m or possibly forgot who marie and I were.
250 ez swim

2x(3x100 on 1:45, 2x100 on 1:50, 1x100 on 1:45 pull). totally doable. he said that was not the right answer. ?

12x50 kk (1-3 on :70 at :45, 4 ez, 5-6 on :50 at :40 x 2)
CD 150 ez
=5000 m. tired.

I lifted weights yesterday, too, so I can't lift my arms very well right now.
there was a cuckoo at the j yesterday. I figured he must have ptsd from wwII pacific front. doesn't really give him an excuse to be a total asshole, though.
got lots done on monday. hoping to repeat.
thinking about how to seriously relax this weekend. I think we should start by sleeping in on monday. whoa.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006


spurs lost. duncan had career high 41 points. what else can you do?
dreamed I was going to be working at cvs a few shifts a week. the only good thing was Neil Walker was also going to be working there, and also right outside was the ocean, so you could swim on your 2-5 minute breaks - in a 5 hour shift.
yeah, weird. he hadn't told everyone about his gold medals, yet. he just told them he had been a mahogany salesman for the past 4 years and was really advancing in the company.
getting ready to run at the track with marie. trying to get some coffee working.

Monday, May 22, 2006


ONLY swam 3000 this morning. Felt like going home and taking a nap after my clients this morning, but instead went to Steve's. He took pity on me and didn't kill me. Dr. B asked me if I was training for 2008. That was a good one. I guess not, now.
Tried to do my own thing and relax this weekend with minimal success. Did make it to a meeting in the other room. Finally, a good meeting!!! The topic was detaching. Wow. I shared. Now, how to apply it really life.
Speaking of application. At my office today. Blindly stumbling through SPSS. It is funny how all those stats classes really don't help at all with actual data. Maybe funny is the wrong word. This SEM class is supposed to be applied, so I hope I can learn how to do it. If only I had some subjects from which to collect data and apply it.

Saturday, May 20, 2006


#2 Elliot Yamin is the best singer American Idol has ever had. Versatile, doesn't over sing, beautiful timbre. As if Debbie Gibson having the number 1 album in the US wasn't proof enough that we, as Americans, have TERRIBLE taste.
Just discovered Michael Bublé. Whoa. Hot and a gorgeous voice. Better than Harry Connick because he puts modern intonations on those standards. He is already super popular in Canada, Europe, and Australia. Well, at least the Beatles caught on here. OK, off to swim at Barton. Trying to get some coffee in me because last week I had to take a mid-swim bathroom break. It is really hard to get a wet wetsuit back on, FYI.

Friday, May 19, 2006


I guess W got out of taking American history at Yale. Has he completely forgotten that every person who came to this country for all intents and purposes immigrated? We stole this land from the Indians by brute force. Brought other immigrants over by brute force, and now we are talking about building a fence, wasting more money on national guard troops. Although the rest of the world prohibits us from emigrating away, we, of all countries, should let anyone who wants to, come here. Did you see the SNL skit with Al Gore? He bugged me, but the skit is funny. I heard Ira Glass ragging on Kerry. Kerry was not wishy washy. Intelligent humans who form an opinion based on information often change their their minds based on new information. Ga.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

in your face

I don't know to whom I would say in your face, exactly, but I got the evaluations from my aerobics classes, and I just want to say, "in your face."
3. The instructor provides modifications/options for exercise
• she is very very good and precise in her instruction
• she also asks who has what type of injury, then streamlines exercises for those people.

4. Adequate safety and alignment cues are given throughout the class?
• Meredith is one of the few instructors that does this.
• very strong at this.

7. The class is well organized and flows smoothly
• very streamlined and focused

12. Overall instruction provided by this instructor
• Meredith is awesome as well!

Although I think I do a good job, it never gets old being told you are "awesome."
Just wanted to toot the horn a little bit.


slept until 6:45 today! yes, it was similar to a teenager. I was supposed to swim, but I think I am going to ride inside easy and watch some er. did you know er is on at 3 pm weekdays? I have been taping it this week.
found an AWESOME website the college of engineering puts up that designs web surveys for you. it was like discovering the wheel yesterday. I think I will do another exercise dependence survey online. surely I can get all those tri geeks to fill it out for me. I thought about an incentive drawing. any ideas? maybe a jack and adam's gift certificate.
saw my pt yesterday. she wants me to try to quit sticking my butt out. it's funny. I did leg press on tuesday, 3x12@ 300 lbs. but, I can't sit down and stand up without over-arching my back. well, I can, but I was sweating doing it. I do keep my belly button pulled in when I do leg press, but I guess it is different. so one of my new exercises is body weight squats keeping my spine in neutral. I always thought I just had a little sista in me. I can't dance, but I can feel the 2 and the 4.
feeling better about the rec sports thing. it is always better to sleep on things. ALWAYS. 24 hour rule. yesterday I was angry and hurt. today, I just feel a little bummed.
brad and I did our really fun thing. it was fun for me. got some insight. oddly, it was a big epiphany about why I am the way I am. I think this is a good jumping off place, but not the end. yes, it is very helpful to know WHY I am the way I am, but the main thing is to heal, and to learn HOW TO DO IT DIFFERENTLY. I feel hopeful I can and we can.
off to enjoy a little george clooney.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006


supposed to meet with a professor today. I guess he forgot. went up to his office, not there. emailed, no response.
the upside is that it got me up to school. here I am in my office working hard on my blog, organizing my desk, and checking email. (I did get some real work done, too.)
irritated with rec sports. I religiously attended the required cont ed meetings for 3 years. I didn't go this spring because I finally decided to break away in the fall. now, the requirement is supposedly semester by semester, not year by year. so, I will not be subbing there this summer. mother had a spiritual spin to view it as a gift. it's just one of those "I'm not fired, I quit" kind of things. I guess that's the root. e g o. and feeling a little underappreciated. I did an awesome job for them for 3 years, and to say goodbye, they sent me an email saying I would not be back in the fall. anyway, it's dumb. I just thought writing it down might remove it from my head. out out darn spot.

think I should do another exercise dependence study with a couple of different scales. could have run this by the professor who wasn't there. definitely going to use scantron this time!

swam 5000m again this morning. now, I don't want to do anything other than 5000m
the main set was pretty good.
WU 300 fr/dr/fr
400 frkk/bkkk x 50's fins
6x100 pull last 25 build on 2:00

I. 5x(2x100 on 2:10. 200 fast on 4:00). I was happy my 200's were around 3:20. that is fast for me.
II. 3x(3x50 kk desc 1-3 on :60, 2x25 ez kk on :40, 3x50 all out on 1:30)

CD 400 IM dr/sw by 25's
250 pull (the extra 50 was my idea. who could swim 4950? not mr. monk!)

headed to pt this afternoon. fib feels good today. point 4 on a 1 to 10 scale of pain. I just BARELY notice it's there. brad and I are doing something fun, too. sore from lifting weights yesterday. I was happy I could do dips. that was neat.
this morning I was thinking about the movie the life of brian - the song at the end. if jesus can sing "always look on the bright side of life" while being crucified, surely I can get my attitude together. my default prompts are "what about me?" and "this sucks." reprogramming is ongoing.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

meant to put this one up last week. I liked it and not too tough. gre outdoors chlorine is screwy. felt itchy and burning on skin when I got out. boo.

WU 400 Fr
300 K
500 Pu
200 Dr

I.200 Fr
4x100 IM
300 Fr
6x75 fly/bk/br
400 Fr
9x50 IMR
500 Fr

II. 3x150 Pu desc 1-3

CD 300 EZK
200 EZ Fr
=5000 yds

got to 22000 m last week. awesome. running SOME. it is hard to not do what I CAN do versus what I SHOULD do. ran some with marie this morning on the track. it was no problem to run pretty fast, but now my fib is a little achy, and a new little irritation emerged in the front of my hip. lateral hip feels fine, though, so maybe that's progress. still loving swimming a lot. I feel like a swimmer. funny.
trying to get things done around the house and RELAX. this is challenging. my brain. not motiviated to do some things that have been waiting for me to do around the house all semester, yet I have a hard time sitting still and/or just being. this morning I tried to think of things i LIKE to do. I like to have a really clean house, and I like to be organized. no, those are not things I like to do, but I am willing to use a means to get to an ends. therefore, the workout post, and cleaning off my home desk.
going to the other room some. I know how to detach in anger and frustration. I have no idea how to detach with love. except maybe from my grandmother, or someone I love who doesn't have a strong emotional attachment.
one of my clients helped me realize all my women friends are very self-sufficient. very interesting. I want the fruits of those relationships, so I know I need to cultivate them. those are places of safety and comfort. where to get my needs met. I have a hard time discerning what is a reasonable expectation and what is crazy. then, the next step is to know that just because it is reasonable doesn't mean that it will be met by one person, or one person in particular.
it is funny how when I dodge growth opportunities they do go away for a while, then they come back. I thought I had already figured out what Meredith likes and what her core values are, what she is willing to live with and what she isn't. this one I didn't dodge, but ironically has reemerged on a new level. things to seek God about.
if life were eating cake all day, I wouldn't need God's help. easy to remember sitting at the computer.
lots of clients today. tomorrow back to school.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

on my way to 21000m

took justin to swimming and cdl for his burfday. didn't know you could eat vegetables for breakfast. they were good. we couldn't figure out exactly what kind of "milk" was with the oatmeal. they definitely don't drink real milk.
WU 300 fr, 300 kk

2x(3x25 catch up regular, 3x25 catch up from shoulder, 1x75 catch up from elbow - most like swimming)

I. 3x300 dec 1-3 on 6:30 - this was over a minute rest even on the 1
2x50 ez on 1:15
3x200 all out on 6:00 - this was also tons of rest. steve said go fast
2x50 ez on 1:15
3x300 desc 1-3 same

2x(3x100 kk desc 1-3 :10R, 50 ez, 3x50 desc 1-3)

CD 300 pu, 100 IM

if I swim 3500 yds tomorrow, 5m on friday, and at barton sat I will be at all time high.

walked/ran yesterday. seriously got my speed walk on. ant tibs are SORE. no leg pain by fibula, though.
going to shoot for tomorrow, but not if I can't dorsiflex my feet.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

turn down the heater

did I sleep through spring? it is seriously hot outside. I taught coached swim at noon. I was the only one trying to get away from the sun. it's funny how after it's too late people try to protect their skin from the sun. my oldest triathlete was wearing sunscreen at our 6:30 am workout the other morning. it was cute. her skin looks great, though.
definitely going to have to do some reforestation. gave my 20 copies of my revisions to irb. I told the person I gave it to my proposal was about the destruction of the giant sequoia. he didn't think it was funny. the box was kind of sweaty, so maybe that's why he wasn't smiling.
thanks to help from dr miller made some serious progress in spss. now I just need to figure out exactly what procedure I want to use. it's interesting how easily that proposal got by irb when I had NO IDEA what I was doing. now that I do, they are micromanaging me. boo.
ran this morning at the same time marie ran. 5 min on/10 min off. I got some serious power walking in. leg and everything felt great during. I notice it, now, but on a 1-10 pain scale it's barely a 1. I just notice it. of course, the injury recovery schedule I found said do (10 walk/5 run)x2 and I did x4. I know, but I had already run some, so I wasn't really starting from scratch. going to swim at coach steve's in the morning. swimming outside at gre on thursday. then back at coach steve's on friday. if barton is open, supposed to go early on saturday. I am getting my IM on, again. finally I have a granny fly, again. I had lost it briefly.
well, I am going to head home and change out of this sweaty outfit into a different one.

Monday, May 08, 2006


it is great on campus today. quiet, cool outside, peaceful.
swam at gre outdoors with john.

WU 300 fr/300 kk/300 pu
4x75 fr/dr/fr
4x50 dr/fr
4x25 fr

I. 3x200 IM
300 pu
3x50 kk

2x200 IM
200 pu
2x50 kk

200 IM
100 pu
1x50 kk

CD 200 kk
200 IM ez

=4000 yds
the water was hot!!!
messing around with spss today. going to pt later. brad and I walked at the lake yesterday. I watched the second half of the spurs game and fell asleep. last night brad said he didn't realize he was married to a man. haha. a gay man trapped in a woman's body.

Friday, May 05, 2006

ups and downs

better today. played with spss a little this afternoon. entered grades. swam at the tsc this evening due to storm this morning. got up at 4:30. checked the radar. another one coming. back to bed.
lana left this afternoon. it's funny the way we both have separation anxiety. got to see my bf neil walker at the tsc. I gave him another b&m wedding water bottle to give to his wife. funny. I should give him some to give to his other Olympic gold medalist friends.
it was nice swimming for about an hour, then the governor (splashy mcsplasherstiff) got in next to me, and other people split with me. I am normally fine with splitting, but I was in the middle of a challenging set with a lot of fly. I tried to be nice eventhough I didn't feel nice. I wish I could tell the governor I have democrat tatooed on my left ventricle.
going to swim at barton in the morning with marie and justin. it was open today, so if it's not stormy in the morning we should be good to go. definitely going to a meeting in the other room tomorrow. the other thing I need to work on is on page 69 of my book (the 3rd edition).

WU 300 fr
300 k with fins fr/fly/bk
300 pu
8x75 fr/dr/fr

main set I got off
building a 200 IM:
25 fly
50 fly
50 fly/25 bk
50 fly/50 back
50 fly/50 bk/25 br
etc up to 200 IM. it said :15R between each, but I took closer to :20 on most of those long ones.

then back down but thank God not all those 50 flys, again
200 IM
25 fly/50 bk/50 br/50 fr
50 bk/50 br/50 fr
25 bk/50 br/50
all the way down to 25 fr

there was another main set, but I was pooped.
cd was 300 k, 100 IM ez, 100 fr ez

Thursday, May 04, 2006

ugh. sad

I am sad today. don't know why. maybe combo of mother leaving, classes over, brad is 100 million miles away. I liked these classes ok, but I think if I want to keep in touch with anyone, I will. there are a couple or three people. I feel like I was a spaz with my classes this semester. I guess I freak about all change. yet, I also get bored. trying to get in a place of graitude. there have been a lot of deaths around here lately. not people I knew, but once or twice removed. thank God we all have our health and some of us have our sanity. I guess most of the time I am fairly sane. I played water polo with my 2nd triathlon class. it was challenging and fun. it was funny though, because I didn't call turnover on touching the ball with two hands. the woman who was reffing while I was playing called it on everyone including me. it is hard not to do. I cannot do that egg beater kick, either. guess I need to practice. that is the first time I have ever played after teaching swimming for 4 years. I have really made a lot of progress in my swimming and teaching skills over the years. that is good.
get to go swimming in the morning if a tornado doesn't hit us tonight.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006


I was feeling sorry for myself yesterday! Feeling more hopeful today. NPR is the great grateful maker.
Have you heard Steven Colberts' speech to WH press dinner? It was pretty awesome. Had a great and challenging swim this morning. 5200m!

WU 300 fr/kk by 50's with fins
300 pu
3x100 fr desc 1-3

4x[4x100 fast :20R, 2x50 ez :10R]
(All were around 1:38-9. That was good for me. We circled.)

100 IM
2x50 fly/fr
200 IM
4x50 bk/fr
400 IM
6x50 br/fr
(400 IM was slow, but not the slowest of all time. Not telling the time!!!)

400 pu ez

8x50 odds ez/build, evens ez/fast
200 ez

Tuesday, May 02, 2006


I can see, now that I am coming out of the fog of the semester, once again, that I keep myself busy so that I don't feel my feelings. I think that I used to drink over being lonesome. I know I did. I see that I teach aerobics, have clients, teach swimming, teach triathlon class, work on my dissertation, exercise, there certainly must be more, to avoid sitting still.
I think I will try to see how I have made progress in this area rather than beat myself up about there I go again. Step 1 is quitting rec sports. Step 2 is saying no to a volunteer thing. Step 1 is teaching for Don Crowley. OK, fine, but it's only 2 mornings a week for 6 weeks. I do feel less lonesome than in the past end semesters. I think that other people struggle with this phenomenon. Maybe not in the academic year kind of way, but I hear that others work on balance. So, maybe it is one of those things like someone to pray for - something that I need God for. And probably some outside help, which I am getting. Haven't gotten to the other room, yet.

Friday, April 28, 2006


having euphoric recall about being 21 and 22. I was not having a good time looking for the elusive, ephemeral drunken evening. yet, looking at people's facebook pics makes me compare my insides with their outsides. yes, it does look like fun, but I didn't ever have actual fun doing that. yes, it is titilating, but it was not fun to play games and try to be coy in the mating game. being hungover, blacked out, passed out, not fun. I never drank one beer in my entire life. even as a 12 year old. I also "dated" more than one dude. not fun.

swam 4500m this morning.

WU 400 fr/dr/fr/dr
300 pull
200 fr/dr
100 kick
50 fr

1-5 EZ
6-8 desc
9-10 holding 8 pace
11 all out

11x100 kick same as 200's

CD 150 not free

supposed to storm tonight and tomorrow morning.
we might swim in Barton in the morning if it isn't lightening.
found my buddy jonathan through google. get to meet his SON and visit with him and his wife next week.
wanted to reconnect with my old buddy stewart lupton. maybe I will put that out in the universe, too.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

I ran I ran I ran I ran I ran I ran

and I felt good. it was fun. don't know how far. don't know exactly how long it had been. ran/walked with the jcaa tri ladies.
it was fun. I am happy.

Friday, April 21, 2006

listening to music

had a yen to hear tom waits tonight. thought about jonathan cole. got to see him about 6 years ago, I guess, in dallas. met his wife whom he met in japan. wonder how he is. he and chesley. chesley and I literally slept together - slept in the same bed. ok, passed out. they came over for dinner one night with amy dreiss when I lived on enfield. I made spanikopita. I slept in chesley's bed another time. I met them through jennifer/grace and luke/curtis. what sophistocated, wild days. chateau neuf du pape or something like that. rolling drum tobacco cigarettes. listening to tom waits. reading henry miller. and eating at les amis. jonathan first told me about gillian welch. funny.
yes, I am up late!!!

too cold!

water was too cold this morning after all that rain. I was a big trooper and hung in for the whole workout. I never really got warm, though.
WU 4x100 Fr last 25 build
4x100 IM Dr Fly and Br

6x50 Fly K on bk arms down fins
6x50 Br Ez/Build
6x50 Bk K fins
6x50 Fr Ez/Build

3x(3x100 Fr descending 1-3, 2x100 Bk/Fr :10R!)
still cold!

3x300 Pu all 5:05
still cold! but not cooled down because I was trying to stay warm.
oh, well

dad has been under the weather big time. I am assuming he is doing better because my mom hasn't called to tell me otherwise!
have clients this morning. going to office this afternoon. motivation=LOW
enjoying the rain. going to a meeting in the "other room" tomorrow. strongly suggested by several people.
I filled out a survey about social support the other day. I realized my jewish mom clients are probably the strongest source of social support because they all know how to talk about their feelings, and they all know how to hear me. they can be very objective because I am not their kid, and they have had lots of therapy. I was kvetching about them kvetching, but I really get a lot more from them than I give. supposed to go to the baseball game tonight. brad didn't seem like he wanted to go. he has a meeting that he doesn't remember what time it starts, and he doesn't know how long it will last. when I asked if he could ask his boss for an estimate of start/stop time, he seemed irritated.
insanity is doing the same things over and over expecting different results. I wish I knew how to do it differently. I am finally in enough discomfort about it that I am willing to try anything.
this semester I have noticed my controlling "tendency" (let's be gentle) with my students. this is somewhat adaptive because it's deep water, danger, etc, but I can see that I have a hard time finding a balance. this is one reason why I think I am afrad to have kids. how will I ever let go and yet still provide guidance. what a hard line to walk.
one client told me about mentoring a kid who has an incarcerated parent. wow. there's not much fine tuning, there. just show up and talk and play.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

sit down to read this

From what I have heard on the news, I agree with Perry's budget plan.
Increasing cigarette tax, taxing businesses, these sound like the smart ideas of a democrat.
Reforming CPS, giving raises to teachers, again, ideas you would only think a democrat could come up with.
But, no.
I totally disagree with him on gay marriage, the death penalty, funding for prisons. But for the budget, his ideas make sense.
I know, it's weird.
Other reasonable Republicans: John McCain.
Yes, that is the end of the list.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006


got in 5000m this morning. we circled. I am liking it. I am the middle speed. Chris is faster and Scott is slower. Scott is a sprinter, but is nice and let's me go 2nd even on the short stuff. Mark broke his collar bone.
I am REALLY feeling apprehensive about riding outside.

got to eat at Frank & Angie's with Stacy and Steve last night. they are both really liking their jobs. that is great news. I was anticipating more good news, but not yet....:)

students turned in nutrition lab. I am always amused by the alcohol consumption. amateurs. or underreporting. one person didn't underreport. I think I still could have drunk him under the table in the old days. all we need to find out is a keg of shiner and a time machine. thanks be to God I don't have to be 23 and under ever again.

WU 400 free
400 K fins
300 pu

I. 8x[(200)(100)(50)(25) in a row = all the 200's first, then all the 100's...] R:15 btwn the 8's, 2:00 between each leg. 1-2 moderately fast, 3-4 faster, 5-6=all out, 7-8 easy.
(effort level increased, but my 25's didn't change time much. that was funny.

II. 12x50 K fins. 1-3, 7-9 EZ/build, 4-6, 10-12 EZ fast

CD 300 EZ Pu


mac OS 10.4 has this feature called the wizzard. because brad is obsessed with weezer, I started calling it the weezer. last night we were having dueling weezers to see who had found cooler ones. he definitely had - a weather radar won. there is one that has a daily bible verse. I clicked on it and it was the verse that says that husbands should love their wives because it is similiar to the way jesus loved the church... so, I read that to brad. bible church goer that he is comes back with the one that says wives should submit to the husbands - that's the next verse. funny. good one, bh.
up early this morning. no reason. glad the tstorms passed so I can swim outside.
I swam on monday at the tsc. I was happy I stayed in the water as long as I intended and got a good workout. it was less hectic than trying to rush down to lc in between clients and teaching, so I think I will do that for the rest of the semester - about 2 weeks, I think!

Friday, April 14, 2006


things to be grateful for:
light holiday traffic
awesome parking spot due to holiday
no clients due to holiday
my own office with mood lighting and my own thermostat
all day npr on wbur
had a great swim

construction noise!
MS Word/formatting this $%^& application

swim was
WU: 200 free
500 K with fins
200 dr/br

2x (100 fast, 100 mod, :20R. 2x50 EZ, :10R, 3x200 descending 1-3. 3 is all-out :20R) :30R between whole sets

8x50 fly K on back arms down, fins
6x50 br
4x50 free all out

CD: 2x300 pu dps
100 EZ

taking my guitar in to get it to play the correct notes all the way up and down the neck. don't know if that's possible, but worth a shot.
going to work until 4ish.
riding with marie in the morning. I hope she doesn't kill me. surely it won't be harder than riding with BRAD.

Thursday, April 13, 2006


"When an alien lives with you in your land, do not mistreat him.
The alien living with you must be treated as one of your native-born.
Love him as yourself, for you were aliens in Egypt.
I am the Lord your God." - Leviticus 19:33-34

I stole this from another blog. It's a good one.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006


Terry Gross had a duo on yesterday called "What I like about Jew." It was funny. They wrote a song that summarizes the Seder. "They tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat." We are not going to an official Seder this year, but I would like to have one at home. I am hoping I can find the ceremony online as well as the recipes. I'm not going to make the gefilte fish, but I will make some haroset and matzah ball soup. Mmm.
Swam this morning.
WU 200 free
400 fly kick on back arms down/free kick x 100's fins
200 pull
8x50 free kick EZ down, fast back

3x400 pull. :20 R There were 4 of us in the lane. Mine were all under 6:30. Group pressure, I guess
8x100 Fr with fins EZ/Build/EZ/Fast x 25's. :20R

300 IM
2 x 100 Fr
200 IM
2 x 100 Fr
100 IM
2 x 100 Fr
R:15! Ugh after the 300 IM

CD 150 Kick with Fins Bk/Fr/Bk
150 Swim with Fins Bk/Fr/Bk
100 EZ

Shoulder is a little irritated. Not going to swim tomorrow or Saturday, so I am not shooting to top the distance record, yet.
Saw a PBS thing on China last night. Really felt grateful that we can talk bad about our government and that they hear us, even through eavesdropping. As corrupt as it may be, we have it REALLY good. That is not an excuse to become complacent, but I also think I need to sit in a place of gratitude! Going to try to get some work done this afternoon after I teach and make myself stay until 7 to go to the Alderson lecture. I will not be wearing business attire. Oh, well.

Saturday, April 08, 2006


swam 19,600 m this week. that is by far an all time high. I would guess that is close to an Olympian's daily workouts. 2x/day @ 10,000 m a time. the only other thing I did was ride about 40 miles, though. and teach 2 body sculpt classes.
went to part of the water polo tournament after swimming and riding this morning. team crush is back on. o, to be a piece of lettuce in a water polo team sandwich.
tomorrow is long day at the j. the spinning trouble maker has been at it with a vengeance. she is seriously getting prayed for.

Friday, April 07, 2006

A reasonable op ed from the amarillo paper.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

yards are shorter

swam at gregory this morning. yards are shorter than meters. fast 100 free was 1:24. Still not 1:17. I have no idea how I ever did that. It was at the TSC with Justin pacing me. He was in the other lane, though - I wasn't drafting. I think I could have gone a second or two faster today, but not 7! Fast 100 IM was 1:39. It was extremely pleasant in there until about 7 am when everyone started coming in. I had seeded myself in the medium lane when I was the only one in the pool at 6. I figured that was not correct for gregory, but my paradigm is that I am medium.
DRC sent IRB to actual IRB so that I may get on the April docket. I didn't know I needed to provide IRB with 20 copies of my proposal. I just happened to email the DRChair and asked if there was anything else I needed to do now that she sent it through. It is very interesting, this whole thing. The NIH/OSP/IRB triumverate is an ironcurtain of red tape. Welcome to a life in academia. Are you ready? Go.
I plan on riding my trainer when I get home. Coach Steve told me swimming will help my running while I can't run. While I don't exactly believe that, I am really enjoying swimming right now, so I am going with it. Hopefully my lats will get huge.
800 IM

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

swim workout this morning. challenging. so challenging that I didn't quite make all the intervals.

WU 200 free
400 K fins
3x100 IM on :10R

4x100 on 2:00 fast turns
4x100 on 1:55 fast from flags
4x100 on 1:50 last 25 fast
4x100 on 1:45 strong/fast x 50's
all free. staying on the interval. the last 4 were essentially a 400 free as fast as I could go at that point

4x200 IM :30R

6x50 fly K on back arms down fins
6x50 breast K
6x50 back K fins
all on :10R

CD 400 pull, 100 choice.

Went back to the chiropractor this morning. It is funny the people I tell I am going either have a strong, categorical opposition to chiropractors, or they love this particular one because he helped them so much. He, himself was in a bike accident that almost killed him, almost lost his leg. Now he rides again and has won big races. Wow. No more complaining about 3 more weeks off running!

happy bday, lana!

my mom is one of 5 or 6 people who reads my blog, so shout out to her. holla. happy birthday. 49. wow. teenage mom. that must have been rough.
and today is 4/5/6. at 1:02:03 am and pm it is 123456 today. whoa.

woke up WAY too early this morning. no reason. didn't get much done. balanced the quicken. made myself a latté. unfortunately, while my new starbucks latté maker does make drinks that taste just like the one I like from starbucks, it sounds like a freight train is coming in the kitchen for about 5 minutes that it takes to steam the milk. 3 days in a row brad has been amicable about it. unlike me who gets irritated when he doesn't put the towel/sound barrier up to muffle rockit's 4 am wakeup calls on the weekends. no, even I don't like to get up at 4 am on the weekends.

went back to the chiropractor yesterday. saw the life-size xrays of me from head to below my knees. it looked like it was a wonder I was standing upright at all. several noticable curves in my spine from the frontal view, and my cervical curve is not really there, lumbar curve is huge. pelvis is tilted and rotated. seems to make sense why I might have problems. but, why now, I guess is the question that can't be answered. he did the "adjustment" which took about 5 seconds. he likened it to unscrewing a rusty bolt - we have to do a little at a time. the thing he is trying to fix is at my sacroilliac joint. funny that the night before I was having pain there and had forgot to tell him that I sometimes do have pain there. anyway, I had some doubts, but his knowledge and sensibility have won me over so far. in three weeks I am going to pt for "unloaded" running - they can harness you into a treadmill and have you just bear 1/2 or more of your body weight. pretty neat.
meanwhile, I am swimming a lot, and biking some. I think I will be ok not running 3 more weeks. just going to be SO grateful when I can run, again. before the injury, I was trying to be mindful of being grateful that not only do I have 4 limbs that work well, but I can do all the activities in life that I want to do. this is truly a minor setback. I don't think I have been too whiny, so far, but I want to continue as such.
re: the starbucks machine. brad said, do you really think starbucks would sell a home machine that makes drinks exactly like the ones the sell in the store? I said yes, because people are lazy. he said people? I said yes, and people does not include me. of course.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

did I mention I don't like to save daylight?

Made myself get up a little earlier than necessary today to try to ease into this thing. It was hard.
Rode to Kyle yesterday. It was essentially 30 miles hard, 30 miles easy. Very windy from the south on the way down. I was pooped when we got home.
I am very happy I don't teach at the J this morning. Last week I had a little epiphany during class that it's like Groundhog Day (the movie). You get to have the exact same experiences over and over so that you may be your best at them. I also think taking breaks is good. I was more patient with the tri ladies last week. I hope my patience continues to grow. I guess I have identified my pet peeve in life. I am explaining something, someone is talking to their neighbor instead of listening, someone asks me a question that I have already answered had they been listening the first time. Why does this make me homicidal? Well, I guess that's my problem. Take breaks! 18-60 year olds do it, so there is no escape. Must adapt!
I am going to ride the trainer this morning and watch my taped Thursday night TV. BTF. I don't have to leave until 10:10 am. Whoo hoo!