Wednesday, December 31, 2008

don't ask why

BH was extremely sweet last night when he got home from work.  He was later than usual, and I announced that the baby would not be getting a behavioral cue from me to assume catastrophy.  If he gets the biological, well, I'm sorry.  He also gets a biological dose of my wit.  But, I am not going to pass down assuming the worst.

Regardless of that comment, BH was extremely sweet, and my first thought is to ask, why were you so sweet.  I realize that is not going to come across as very sweet, and it is really irrelevant.  So, instead I will say, you were so sweet.  I felt very loved.  I still feel loved today.  And, not to be too new-agey, but I felt so much positive energy flowing from you.  I felt very positive, too.

I started reading this book The Way of the Superior Man.  I read on DID's facebook that it's one of his favorite books of all time, along with some other Man selfhelp-type books.  I looked at them on Amazon, and decided this might help me understand the XY's.  (Some women Amazon reviewers and on the jacket said it had been helpful to them.)  It is ok, but he repeats himself a LOT.  (YES, I do, too, but I am not writing a book, yet.)  He uses the word ravish WAY too much.  He calls the woman "your woman."  That one really bugs me.  And, his solution to the "crizaazzy, unpredictable, non-sensical, emotional woman," is simply to have sex with her.  Ravish, of course.  And he uses this phrase, "push your belly up against hers."  This brings to mind an image of a fat, hairy, sweaty belly mushing into this poor, beautiful woman's flat tummy.  I don't know why.  The good points are he suggests a man (and I would add, everyone) needs to connect with God or Universe or whatever, to determine his Purpose in life, beyond his career, his spouse, his kids.  I totally agree, and that is promised in the wedding vows we took.  Be you, with God, then be with me, then lets make kids out of our love.  And he suggests that if a man is spinning his wheels in career or especially if he is not connected to his purpose, everything else in his life will suffer. I think that taps into an archetypal concept to which I cannot relate, but am beginning to grasp, that a man feels he should be strong and competent for his family.  Whereas for a woman, the concept is the nurturer.  Off to teach, but more of my book review, later.

Monday, December 29, 2008

happy sad

I put Hank in the swing, gave him milk in a cup, and he is asleep.  For 25 minutes so far.  I can't believe I have never heard a mom talk about mourning weaning.  I know it doesn't mean he doesn't need me anymore.  And I still have 5-10 pounds of milk in my C's.  But it is the beginning of the end.  A good thing.  I would really like to walk through the sadness and joy at the same time without trying to distract myself or deny the "extreme emotional upheaval" I didn't believe the book about.  And, no, I personally don't want to nurse a baby who can unbutton my shirt, but I do not have judgement for someone who does.  I am almost back to my fighting weight, although my old jeans STILL do not fit.  Also, OK.  I hate to have to give the C's back, anyway.
Now, I can write those 2 books  I have had in mind for the past 10 years.

yesterday today

yesterday, woke up feeling freaked out for no reason about nothing.  walked through the morning as if all was calm, and it passed.  this morning feel calm and optimistic, but I woke up about 3:30 am.  I stared at the kid for about 30 minutes, then decided to get up and list more crap on eBay and craigslist.  I am about to go ride the spin bike.  
I MISS DID and dancing.  New classes don't start until Jan.  The most recent DVD's I have gotten from Netflix are stinky.  I did get a Salsa CD for Xmas, so I danced some to that.  It is fast, however, and my turns stink at anything faster than 60 bpm.  I exaggerate.  
watched Gone Baby Gone over the weekend.  it was good.  that little Casey Affleck is his own man.  doesn't turn me on like bb Ben, but few do.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

new year's eve

I have never gotten along with new year's eve.  For a while it was mutual hatred, expensive dry- cleaning bills and broken hearts.  Now, we live with mutual civility, but we keep our distance.  The first few new year's eves I remember were the dick clark ball-dropping extravaganzas.  big whoop. now, I am sleepy.  then, all of the sudden my expectations sky-rocketed to untenable heights fueled by John Hughes movies where the mildly attractive girl ends up with the hunk she hardly knows.  we all know how ugly it got when I had my own fuel, so I won't go there.  in sobriety, I have tried to sneak into the new year, pretended nothing would be different the next day.  (psst...nothing was different.)  now, I acknowledge it's coming.  just try to be grateful and stay in today.  it just bugs me, that, before one holiday is over, planning for the other one is already in the works.  at least it is at Walgreen's.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

I'm 13

I turned 13, yesterday.  In some ways, I feel 13.

I miss DID and my dancing classes.  I tried some DVD's I had recorded from Netflix today, but they are not even close to dancing with DID or even some of my classmates.  Last time I went to Salsa class, I was very impressed with the progress some of my fellow beginners had made.  Classes don't start, again, until the beginning of the year.  Boo.  I have not yet raised enough capital from eBay to buy more lessons, either.  Double boo.  Maybe Santa coming to everyone will trickle down to mon store.

It kind of bugs me on a deep level that in dancing women follow and men lead, but at the same time, it doesn't bother me at all.  One of my classmates, Catfish, asked me if I wanted to lead.  I said yes.  He thought that was hilarious.  But, why can't we take turns leading?

I am watching It's a Wonderful Life for the 1000th time.  It never gets old to me.

I have written all my thank you notes for Christmas gifts.  I am going to have an open house in January, and I need to send out invites to that.


Sunday, December 21, 2008

non sequiturs

I am feeling freaked out for no reason re:Christmas.

We are starting to wean Hank.  It's going to take a while.  

I am bummed I won't have any dance lessons or classes for a while - at least until after the new year.  I have clearance, however, to move into Salsa II and Cha Cha II group classes.  I am very excited.

I am selling some old concert tshirts on eBay.  I have already sold 2 for the sum of $60, total.  This is probably a net of $20, which, with inflation is probably a net of $0.  But, I have made a Japanese boy and a German girl happy with some 1980's garb.

I LOVE the cold weather.  I have been hot since about 3 months gestation with Hank.  I used to always be cold.  Now, I can walk around the 68˙ house with my tank top, shorts, and knee socks on.


Thursday, December 11, 2008

Jesse's girl

I feel so dirty when I hear them talking cute.
I wanna tell her that I love her, but the point is probably moot.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

everyone loves DID

I am now facebook friends with Dance Instructor David.  He has the great company of Michael Phelps, Jessica Hardy, other Olympians I don't know, and some actual friends.  Judging from DID's wall, he has a large following of women who like/love him.  I have to say I am one of them, in the brotherly way, of course.  I think that dancing holds at least 2 or 3 layers of onion that will someday be peeled away.  Oh, what a large onion I have.  I think I am just now beginning to reveal the 1st of the 3 dancing layers, but I do feel like I am making progress, physically and spiritually.  Maybe someday I will be able to watch myself in the mirror, dancing, with him in the room, watching, and not hide behind shyness or fear of looking foolish.  Maybe someday.  The other great news is I may be ready for Salsa II.  Oh, boy!!!

Monday, December 08, 2008

recurring dream

The only recurring dream I used to have was the high school and naked or pajamas or I have to go back even though I have a PhD, graduated high school, etc.
I have been having this dream lately where I am somewhere, and I am trying to leave, and I keep going in all these wrong doors.  [Trying to leave using the wrong door.  I wonder where I am trying to leave.]  
Last night I dreamed I was trying to leave my dance place (didn't at all look like my dance place.)  I keep going through door after door.  I finally get to what looks like the foyer.  I finally get outside and am looking for where I parked my mom's car.  I keep looking and looking down each side street I think I parked on, but I can't find it.  I try the keyless entry to get it to honk.  I do that a few times.  Suddenly alarms go off and everyone is running around.  Turns out, the car had a few packaged of microwave popcorn inside.  Apparently, the horn honking set the popcorn popping.  There is much ado about this.  Lots of smoke.  Lots of popcorn in the parking garage where I parked it.  I have some friends sneak me into the garage because we think the garage attendants will try to detain me.  Some guy participant tries to pick a fight with me.  I call the police and they detain him.  My "friends" all get in my car with all the popcorn and insist it would be better if they took my keys and cell phone, drive by and pick me up later.  OK.  Takes me a long time to get out of the garage.  Deep wells and crazy staircases.  I sneak out with some other track teams because suddenly I am with a lot of runners.  I walk and walk thinking they will come by and pick me up.  I am thirsty.  Find some punk rock kids with a lemonade stand.  Drink a large glass.  Lie down and rest.  Then, it's night time and I am in the middle of a bar/music festival.  Some nice people buy me a drink.  I think, well, I have been sober almost 13 years, but a few sips will be ok.  [I get that one, I am coming up on my bday, and I usually have some drinking dreams, prior].  Finally, the festival is over.  We get to leave.  I walk against the foot traffic.  Past the drag queen group, past a group dressed like scary devil people who talk like teenagers (giggly).  I decide to help them clean up the festival by dragging long boards and sorting them into piles by size.  [Totally lost with these].  Looking for my dancing teacher/Mr. Walsh, my 9th grade American history teacher, who is very sought after by lusty women, not by me per se.  Can't find him.  Alarm goes off.

Saturday, December 06, 2008

Friday, December 05, 2008

not going to be perfect, yet

I was a little disappointed with myself after my lesson today with DID.  I realized on the way home that, although one expects excellence from oneself, it does not mean that one will achieve instant excellence.  DID said if dancing were easy, everyone would do it.  I am getting hung up in some cha cha moves.  I do feel successful with my salsa, so far.  I am trying to persuade BH to accompany me to salsa class on Sunday.  I went to rumba class last night.  It was very challenging to get myself to go at 7 pm, but once I was on my way, I was happy to be going.  I would have bet our lottery winnings that my instructor was gay.  He is engaged to a woman.  What has happened to my 7th sense?  I enjoyed feeling like one of the coolest people in the room.  On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is the least dorky, and 10 is the most dorky, I usually feel like I hover around a 6 or 7.  Last night, I was definitely a 1 or 2.  They are all extremely sweet, however, and I greatly enjoy the company of dorks.  I have a new friend named Catfish.  He swims at Barton Springs most days.  I made him laugh by telling him the hard time I have being a follower is rooted in feminism.  I thought it was mildly amusing, and I certainly am the one who thinks I am extremely hilarious, but Catfish out-enjoyed my wit.  I was going to go to the salsa/merengue open house, but it starts and 7:30, I got up at 4, and I am too tired.  I was thinking meringue was spelled with an i, but that is the dessert.  The dance has e's.
As usual, I ramble.  Peace.

Dear P-e Obama

Dear President-elect Obama,
I love you.  I am so excited about the next eight years, your cabinet, the US behaving ethically on the world stage, a NCAA football championship playoff series, and the change in DC that will surely manifest under your leadership.
However, I urge you to add a comma to your slogan.  Yes, we can.
Yes, we did.  Yes, you are awesome.
Let's change Washington DC, not the King's English.
Love, Meredith


Sunday, November 30, 2008

Friday, November 28, 2008

on Broadway

Now that I am learning to dance, there's no stopping me from realizing my dream of playing Anita in West Side Story.  Hey, if Natalie Wood can play a chica, so can yo.

Hope you had a great Thanksgiving.  Ours was mellow and very pleasant.
The kid wore his official TG onesie along with some brown pants to make the outfit a little more formal.

I am trying slideflickr, again.




Sunday, November 23, 2008

for the agnostics

Obama is our President-elect.
OU beat Texas Tech.
Do you still doubt God is taking care of the Universe?

Would I ever think I would be rooting for Oklahoma?  Is that how to spell rooting as in cheering for?

No, I don't think God watches NCAA football.  If God did watch NCAA football, we would have a National Championship game, and Texas would win every year.  That would get boring.

Some large bundle of joy wanted to practice crawling at about 2:30 am.  I watched the end of Legally Blond because I couldn't get back to sleep.  I had never seen it.  The last 30 minutes were plenty.  Brad and I also decided we definitely need another baby for winter because it's not fair for the other person whoever gets the mini-furnace.

Still working on Huck Finn.  Sum times I rully hev to thank bout wut ol' Jim is sayun.

Group Salsa class #2 this afternoon.  I have my final private lesson with DID on Wednesday.  He did try to sell me more lessons which kind of irritated me.  I know he has to, but still, he should be a little more intuitive about to whom he does the pitching.  I think I am going to take some more in short sucession, then stick with 1 group class a week.  Last week we did Cha Cha and Rumba.  Rumba is ok, except it's "sensual" and "showcases the woman."  I am not very interested in either one of those things.  I like the mental challenge of the new steps, however.
He demonstrated that many dances can be danced to non-Latin music by playing some Al Green.  "Have you heard this song before?"  Please, DID.  I was dancing to Al Green before you were born.

I am selling some junk on eBay to pay for my lessons.  It would probably be more time-efficient to give the stuff to Goodwill and try to get some more clients.  But, for some reason, it is very satisfying to me to sell the stuff - it gets rid of it, and I have some cold, hard Paypal cash out of the deal.

Lastly, I went to PT Tim at Dr. Spears'.  I had another cortisone shot.  Did I mention that?  My deQuervain's came back with avengeance after I didn't do what he said.  Anyway, PTT was awesome.  Said it probably had a C6 component - radial nerve.  He was very correct.  I already feel LOTS better.  And, he concurred re: hormonal component.  Still nursing my bundle.  Who would have thought that, either?  It's going great, and it's good for him, and I am home to do it, so why not?

We got our digital TV converter box.  Only $5 with our government coupon.  Thanks, government for keeping our TV on!




Sunday, November 16, 2008

123 567

Went to my first group salsa class at Go Dance.  It was fun.  Brad does not have to worry that I will run off to Mexico with any of my dance partners, but it was fun.  I have my 3rd private lesson with Dance Instructor David on Wednesday. 

Re: DWTS: DID said Cody Linley did better than Maurice Greene.  Some people think Warren Sapp will win.  While I enjoy his performances, I think Brooke Burke will win, and I shall vote for her this week and next.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Should have been Cody Linley!

but instead, it was Maurice Greene.  Mostly, I will miss seeing Cheryl Burke, but I grew to like Maurice Greene.  I used to think of him as a self-important sprinter.  Not that that opinion was founded in reality.
Did I mention I took my first salsa and cha cha lesson with dance instructor David at GoDance? Yes. I think I did.  I have my second lesson today!

Sunday, November 09, 2008

now, awake

I was sleepy from about 2 pm until 7 pm.  Now, I am wide awake.  Knowing I need to get up at 4:30 to leave for the J at 5:15.  Fortunately, I can probably take a nap tomorrow.
I joined a site BH turned me onto.  RememberTheMilk.  You can make lists of projects and things you need to do.  We were using OmniOutliner, but this is web-based, so you can access it at all times!
I am liking web-based storage like Flickr and YahooMail, too.  Let them store it, and let me access it from wherever.
I am going to start Johnny Tremain and hope it makes me sleepy!
BH and TH started working on our silver picture frame project.  I need to find pictures to fill them, now.
OK, get sleepy!!!

Inspiring Book

I just finished reading The Braindead Megaphone: Essays by George Saunders.  It inspired me to get started writing the book I have been thinking about for several years, now.  I opened a new Word document today, but was distracted by the software update, then by my darling Hank, who only took 1 nap today!!!
Didn't go to my group dancing classes today.  Partly because I was feeding and consoling a teething Hank, and partly because I was afraid.  I am going to see if I can take my unlimited month of group classes in January.
BH and TH have worked tirelessly in the yard since TH arrived.  It looks awesome.  They figured out how to inexpensively and effectively screen in our new porch.  They just left for Target to buy baby proofing.  I don't care what everyone says about BH; he's good people.  Just kidding.  Everyone, including me, knows he is wonderful.
I loved the Saunders book.  I actually took the recommendation of Amazon after buying a book of Raymond Carver short stories.  The Saunders book is one of the best books I have ever read.
It was insightful, funny, and overwhelmingly honestly introspective.  It reminded me of Anne Lamont, but he covers many more topics and is hilarious in many different ways.
I now want to read Johnny Tremain and Huck Finn.  I was supposed to have read Huck Finn in high school, but I don't think I read much of it.
I wish TH would move here.  It's so great to see BH giddy and enjoying doing things with TH.
They are both such loners.  I should know because I am, too.  Although pregnancy and postpregnancy hormones have brought out my attaching side.
I have another private dance lesson on Wednesday.  It's fun.  I have been tapping more.  I am getting better.  I think it's just like triathlon training.  Yes, there is some cross-over with coordination, but the specificity principle still applies.  If you want to get better at distance running, you need to distance run.  If you want to get better at tapping, you have to tap.
Unfortunately, it's kind of LOUD.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Happy Days Are Here, Again!

1. Thank you, USA!!!

2. My new obsession is ballroom dancing.  Of course, Dancing with the Stars.  I am now MySpace friends with a few of the pros on the show.  Awesome.  I took my first lesson at Go Dance on Wednesday.  It was so fun.  We did salsa and cha cha.  I have also been doing the DWTS Cardio Dance video.  It's a lot of fun.  And, I've been doing my Louis McKay Tap Notes video.  Also very fun!  It's kind of loud, though.  

Monday, October 27, 2008

baby songs

Baby, It's You
Baby, Come Back
Baby, Let Me Follow You Down
Here Comes My Baby
Baby, We're Really in Love
Baby's in Black
Baby, Now that I've Found You
Everybody's Trying to Be My Baby
Baby Love
I Can't Quit You Baby
Please Call Me, Baby
Baby, Let's Play House
Baby Boy

More?

Sunday, October 26, 2008

To Palin

\'pal-in\  verb
To speak using folksy colloquialisms and vague, political talking points to avoid answering a question

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

kettle bell train

BH has gotten me on the kettle bell train.  He bought 3 that are almost too heavy for me to lift once, but I bought one that is 5 lbs.  Yes, that is very light, but it's good for me to learn how to do the exercises with a light one.  I think my clients will enjoy the variety.  I also rented a great kick-boxing video - Kimberly Spreen - from Netflix.  She has a segment in which she uses a body bar kind of like a light saber/some kind of martial art blocking/attack stick.  I don't know how to describe it except that it's fun and similar in principle to the kettle bell.  You move the weight and allow momentum to be part of the movement, but also keep it in control.

A few of my boot campers told me the last couple of boot camps have been too easy.  I always feel very defensive when I hear that.  As my defense, I think it all of the sudden got cooler, and what had us dying in 80˙ heat with 80% humidity is not very challenging when it's dry and cool.  But I am definitely going to "bring it," as the kids say, to the next class.
LM and I have walked several mornings in a row.  I was just walking with Hank in the baby bjorn, but now I have added 2x2lb ankle weights and 2x1lb hand weights.  Oh, yeah.  26 extra pounds.  

I have a hypothesis regarding 3 groups of postpartum mothers: group A - no exercise, group B - exercises alone, group C exercises with the baby out among people.  I think there would be statistically significant differences in ppd, and I would even say happiness, between the 3 groups.  When we walk with Hank, especially when he has his sunglasses on, we have about 99% smile/greeting rate.  When I walk alone, I have about a 50%  smile/greeting rate.  And, of course, if you are home alone, no one is smiling at you, except the baby after about 3 months.  It seems to me that we already know exercise attenuates or effectively treats depression, but I think the added social, positive reinforcement would add another level away from depression/towards happiness.  Probably not too controversial, but would be interesting to quantify. 

the good ol' days

when you suggest to someone from the previous generation that some child care practices have changed in the past 20-60 years, you are often met with defensiveness.  E.g.  you might hear something like, "well, when you were a baby we fed you asbestos right out of the can, and look, you're fine, now."

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

WAY less zeal

I have to listen to the advice I often give, that is, if an obsessive thought enters one's mind, one gently remind oneself to let it go. I also know about myself, when someone tells me something they think I am doing wrong, especially when it seems completely out of the blue to me, I am extra sensitive. Also, when I think I am doing something well, and then someone tells me I am doing it wrong, I am extra sensitive. People are doing the best they can at the moment, including me and including the person doing the telling. The key to the reminding to let it go is the gently part. When I talk to myself in a voice that says, "you idiot," it's not very helpful.
Going to do a 4:30 run with Marie this morning before bootcamp. Our first since we were about 3 months prego.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

not as much zeal

We did leave the house today, first for a walk during which Hank was not too happy, then fell asleep about 15 minutes before we got home. He woke up at 5:40 this morning. Early, for him.
Then we picked up my fixed computer. A new, big HD and more RAM. A LOT less expensive than getting a new computer.
BH thinks an iPhone is too expensive. I hope I can take the gift certificate back.
Tomorrow, we are going to visit DJ and back to L&E's to use my Dad's 10.5 CD and scan some things. I have a scanner, too, but I might as well do it over there.
Hank stood up today several times by sitting behind his plastic Einstein thing. It was for the sole purpose of eating the top of the Einstein. I went into to the kitchen from the den, which is essentially the same room, and when I came back, he was standing there with his lips sticking out, standing, slightly bent over going for the green thing on top. There is not anything he doesn't want to eat these days. The other day he wanted to eat the window, so I let him. It was a little dusty, but not anymore.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Happy Bday, BH; Happy New Year, J friends!

9/29 BH is 37. LM and EBM and I got him an iPhone. He would not tell me anything he wanted, but that gift occurred to me, and he seemed like he liked it. I made salmon and brussel sprouts and brownies for dinner and a whole bunch of scrambled eggs and quinoa, separately for his lunches.
It is funny how one marries one's mother or father. I am awake, now because he woke me up with his snoring. (I think they would all be surprised to hear I see many similarities between the three of them - my parents and BH). I beat him to sleep, which my mom also says helps her, but I couldn't get back to sleep. BH and my dad are quick to remind my mom and me that we snore. We don't deny we do, and I will gladly change positions to stop. When I was pregnant, there was no position in which I didn't snore. That snoring was due to fluid retention. Usually, my snoring is due to sinus congestion. I know this is so mundane. I just ramble to entertain myself until I get sleepy enough again that I can sleep through snoring..

I enjoyed the process today with Hank. We left the house THREE times. I didn't fall asleep when he napped, but once I cuddled with him and the other time just sat in the room with him doing other things. I read most of the Attachment Parenting book. It made me wish I had worn him more as an infant. I also wish I had embraced the cosleeping thing earlier. I didn't want to sleep touching him when he was an infant because I thought it would be bad if he got used to sleeping while cuddled (beware baby trainers). It makes sense to cuddle a baby while he sleeps ESPECIALLY when he is tiny. Progress not Perfection. The other suggestion in the book that resonated with me was, "don't think about all the things you should be doing while you are nursing your baby (or doing whatever with baby)." Illegal! He said it's fine to make a list, but you are not allowed to worry about finishing it, and you should just enjoy the sweet time with baby. The dishes will get done later.

I saw a segment of an extremely heartbreaking story on Oprah, a family addicted to heroin - the parents and 2 teenaged sons. They also had a 13 month old baby. That story is one of the most tragic I have heard. I speculate Oprah will receive many requests to adopt that baby. She offered each of them treatment in a separate facility, including travel and the cost of treatment, if they would each call to express their desire to go within 24 hours.

I get my computer back tomorrow. We are also stopping by the condo to get the mail and check in. Wednesday we are going to visit DJ in the hospital. She is getting a bionic knee. I am proud of myself for going to the hospital to see Courtney. I used to do lots of things like that, without fanfare, but I have mentioned that I have felt like doing NOTHING or going ANYWHERE for more than a year. I hope this turn for the better (normal) is an upward spiral I can keep riding. I like the gets out and does nice things for people Meredith. I guess my next goal should be makes social engagements and keeps them. The integrity Meredith.

OK, I am going to shoot for sleep, again.

Shana Tovah!

Sunday, September 28, 2008

itchy skin disease

On my right, proximal, posterior forearm, I occasionally get what I call itchy skin disease. I went to the dermatologist thinking it was something on my skin, but she said it's just an upstream sensory nerve needlessly firing, and that area is the area it innervates. She said it only happens in people with muscular arms. Guilty as charged.
It woke me up this morning. The hydrocortisone cream she gave me did nothing to keep it from itching. I am now doing some cryo-therapy on it. When I had that stress fracture in my fibula, before I knew it was a stress fracture, I accidentally gave myself frostbite on my shin by leaving this ice pack on it too long. It made that skin numb, though, and I am thinking it would be awesome if my forearm skin went numb right about now.

My computer has been dead for a while. I finally took it in to get a new hard drive because being computerless was making me anxious. Being cut off from the world via technology is something some people have a hard time with. Apparently, I am one of those people. Isn't that interesting. I am trying to quit shoulding all over myself.
I have been feeling, off and on since I got pregnant with Hank, like not doing ANYTHING. It is getting better lately, but while I was sitting in the anxiety of being computerless, I couldn't make myself take the initiative to go get it fixed. I was so proud of myself on Friday for getting out with Hank and running a few errands. Seems like a given, and I never knew I had that kind of agoraphobia, but apparently it's a tendency of mine. When I talk to myself about it, it usually starts like, "geez, you really need to go do___. Just go do it. I don't feel like it. Well, you are lazy, then. I am tired. Other people have babies and aren't tired. Other people leave the house. Self, stop shoulding all over me. It's ok. Just do the next 5 minutes. You're right, I'm sorry. I am always right. Hello."

Had a bad sinus infection last week. It was the first time I have been sick since I was pregnant. It must have been at least a year ago. That's pretty good. Went to the doctor a little late in the illness, and she gave me augmentin, an antibiotic. I usually have an iron stomach when it comes to medicine, but it made me very sick. I couldn't sleep and was very nauseated. I thought I was back to normal the next day, so I went to Central Market. While I was in line being talked to by this hippie who was admiring Hank, I got vasovagal and had to get out of line and go sit down. A Central Market employee was extremely nice and gave me a bag of ice and a free, giant bottled water (score!) and loaded my groceries. He even offered to drive me home. The ice and the car a/c made me feel much better, and I was able to drive home fine. These two little old ladies came up and were trying to entertain Hank while he was still sitting in his floppy in the cart, but he is just starting to get stranger anxiety, and when they tried to pick him up out of the cart, he started crying. It was funny how I snapped out of feeling nauseated to soothe him. Not like lifting a car off your kid or anything, but the same principle, I think.

LM and EB are in Red River. Be jealous!

Two new babies recently - William (Will). I think his middle name is Thomas.
And John Hudson (Hudson). Both very cute. Both born by c-section, and both moms are recovering well. C-section babies do come out already looking cute because they aren't squished at all. Of course, Hank was cute even squished, but some babies it takes a couple of days to get cute. These guys were cuties from the first minute!
One more baby coming in November in my circle. And hopefully a Hazel or Hannah or Hayle or Hughes sometime in the works within the year.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

cool morning in Dallas

It was in the upper 60's this morning before I woke up.
I think Hank woke up before I did because I woke up to his pulling my hair, and I think he had been talking to me before that. It was 8 am!!! Extremely late for me.

I think warrantless wiretapping should be called unwarranted wiretapping.
Thank God I fell asleep before Palin talked last night. I would have had to clean up WAY too much puke.

Today Lana and Ernie have been married 43 years. Congratulations! i hope Brad and I make it that long. Just kidding. I know we will. He is an awesome husband and an awesome dad. We just had our 6 year anniversary in August. We didn't do anything to celebrate it, really. Well, we bought a giant, comfortable mattress. That was a celebration in itself. It is the most awesome mattress of all time. The other person can be doing kickboxing on his side of the bed, and you can't feel it on your side.
The other day, however, my wonderful husband had his feet where my head goes. That is a totally Monk no no of mine that I have had as long as I can remember. No feet in the vicinity of where any other body part goes, particularly not the head. But, I averted the crisis by just changing my pillow cases. Whew. I know we are going to make it.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

who are these nutcases?

Watched the Democratic convention coverage on PBS. Jim Lehrer led the commentary, which I thought was pretty benign. Making myself watch the Republican convention to check up on the biases of PBS. The governor of Maryland spoke in support of McCain. I can't believe a black man would be a Republican. I really can't believe anyone would be a Republican, but especially people who are disenfrachised by Republicans. Who are these poor, deluded people chanting "drill baby, drill"? (Off-shore drilling would make 0 difference in gas prices until McCain was finished with his term, and even then, it would be an irrelevant, regressive drop in the bucket). Huckabee? Romney? Reallly? No, we can't! No, we can't!
Romney talked about family values, sex, drugs... Palin's daughter is "choosing" to keep her baby. She gets to choose because we still have a right to choose.
Lastly, it is SO bizarre Fred Thompson postured that McCain is anti-government establishment. The Republican party is the establishment reasonable people are trying to undo, not vice versa. Fred Thompson also used the phrase "angry left." I didn't feel angry until he used that phrase, then I felt disgusted.
It was only 78 when we got to Dallas today. We waited 2 hours in Jarrell to have a flat tire changed. Fortunately it was only about 80, there. Going to clean out more of Lana and Ernie's house.
I wish people would say, "God bless humans" instead of "God bless America." Or, "God bless the earth." Why just bless us? We need God to bless everyone so we can all get along. Do they think God is listening, was thinking about blessing everything and everyone, but instead decides then only to bless the US? Plus, are they asking God to bless North and South America, or do they just mean the US. Does that include Canada? What about Puerto RIco and Guam? God bless the Universe.

Monday, September 01, 2008

misc

Some Focus on the Family freaks prayed for rain to rain out the last night of the Democratic convention (in the outdoor stadium). When you ask God to do something mean to other people, God does something mean to you. Or actually, to the disenfranchsed people you exploit or use at your convenience (e.g. Katrina/Gustav victims). Consequently, no one spoke at the Republican convention today. The moral is, "focus on your own damn family."

Speaking of the exploited, Brad and I watched Fast Food Nation, the fictional narrative based on the non-fiction book about the fast food industry, illegal immigrant workers, poor kids from small towns, and the reason you will never want to eat another fast food hamburger, again. The movie was VERY depressing. I think it might have been more depressing than say, Schindler's List. While SL was extremely depressing and sad, at least there was a small glimmer of hope (Schindler and the list). The plight of these folks is endless and hopeless and cycles for generations. Very very dark.

Enjoyed seeing Brad for an extra day this weekend. Wednesday, the kid and my parents and I are going to Dallas to do another round of clean up and clean out in their house.

Lastly, I got the oil changed on Brad's truck this morning at the Jiffy Lube where we always go - Lamar at around 34th. As I was leaving, the young, attractive, African-American chap that performed the oil change for "my husband's truck," said, "you got some guns, too." I can only speculate that what he meant by "too" was that in addition to having my oil changed, I also have large biceps muscles. I am not sure, however.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

names for the record

Just want to put these out as possible future Hodgy's
Bradley Hughes
Laure -it's not an H, but I just saw a French woman swimmer with the name.  Pretty.
Hannah Louise
Hazel June

Loving watching the American swimmers "kick bottom" as Mr. Monk would say.  Loved seeing Phelps win that 400 IM gold.  WOW.  Interesting how he and other freestylers "lope."  Glad to see Katie Hoff medal in 400 IM, but hope she gets gold in the 400 free.  She may already have, and I am watching on delay, but I just saw her kick bottom in her prelim heat.  Now, she goes straight to that final, no semis for 400 free.

Hank is screeching at the top of his lungs for his own enjoyment.  The first 1000 times he did it, it was cute, but now Mommy is getting a headache.  He's asleep at the moment.  I slept with him for a while.  I REALLY want a king size mattress so we can all sleep together for a while.  I don't know how we'll ever get him out of the bed, but he sleeps through the night when he sleeps in the bed with me.  Only wakes up once, maybe twice.  in the bassinet he wakes up 3-5 times.  Boo.




Thursday, July 31, 2008

up LATE

BH told me the picture voting thing was lame. Just trying to get the baby new shoes. Sorry.

I got a cortisone shot in my wrist today. I do have de Quervain's tenosynovitis (also called washerwoman's syndrome; also called macho personal trainer syndrome). BH asked if Dr Spears was going to consult me next time he needed a doctor. Of course. Going to pump and dump for 4 days so Hank doesn't grow chest hair, already. I am guessing the shot is why I am WIDE awake at 11:41 pm. The shot HURT, but my wrist already feels better.

I am completely addicted to MONK. I can relate to many of his quirks. The germs thing, no changing thing, having things a certain way for no good reason, but being completely aversive to changing thing, wearing the same clothes every day thing (I have 2 nursing tops I switch back and forth). I have been renting them on Netflix and watching them while doing things around the house, etc.
Going to try to go to sleep. I am tired, but not sleepy. When I have taken oral corticosteroids for sinus infections, I felt like a million bucks: cleaned the house, organized closets, and ran hard enough to get a stress fracture on a bone that only bears 1/6 of one's body weight (also combined with antibiotics which I also implicate in the cause of the stress fracture). [I also think my fibulas in particular must bear more weight due to my high, extremely rigid arches].
I am reading some Raymond Carver short stories. They are easy, quick reads, but apparently some part of his genius is going WAY over my head, because the back cover reviews go nuts over him, and I am just mildly entertained.

Friday, July 04, 2008


baby in a sleepsack I know, I know it's serious


baby in a sleepsack I know, I know it's really serious


and, baby's first beer mug

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Happy 5 months!

Today Hank is 5 months old. Wow. He is so awesome. Unfortunately for him, he is teething. It feels like he is getting his fangs first. Did I already tell you that? Most babies get the bottom front teeth first. He slept 6 hours straight last night, then 2 hours. But the 6 were great.

Total non sequitur, I googled thumb extensor pain and after performing the Finkelstein test diagnosed myself with de Quervain's tenosinovitis. I just did some more googling on treatments, and apparently this is common in new moms. I first irritated it at least 9 months ago while carrying 2 x 15 pound dumbbells in each hand. My right hand could handle it, but my left hand could not. But if I was carrying around 4 x 15 pound dumbbells I had to be pretty early in pregnancy. Apparently hormones released during or surrounding breastfeeding tend to prevent it from healing. Along with picking up an ever heavier baby, it stays irritated. That is my experience. Couldn't find a consensus on whether you can have a cortisone shot while breastfeeding. It looks like no, but I also found many women who had had one. I tried ice and that made it feel worse. Weird because it's inflamed and ice reduces inflammation. Heat feels good except that it's hot outside and wearing a heat pack on your arm makes you HOT. Although, the past 2 days have been unbelievably not unbelievably hot. Amazing.

Happy declaration of independence day! Brad is glad we don't have to bow to the House of Lords. I wouldn't mind afternoon tea, myself. But, I am glad we have fluoridated water. No, I think Britain does also, now. But we (Michigan, actually) were WAY ahead on that one. E.g.
Shane McGowan

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Old Stuff

Update on sweet 7 year old: Thursday he said swim practice must be getting a lot easier, or he's getting better. He's getting better. It's very cool.
Little dude is asleep in the swing. I couldn't stand to get rid of a few things without making a record of them, so I scanned them. My friend Amy Dixon and her sister Deborah and I used to use those stencil-type letters that you had to rub on individually to make stationery prototypes that would potentially, some day get made into real stationery. Amy and I were about 10. I had to show you this one.


I also found (had delivered by my parents) a semi-Hello Kitty plastic thing for note paper. I had hardly used any of the paper because I wanted to save it because I thought it was so neat. 1976 San Rio.

Lastly, the little dude is doing very cute things such as laughing and putting his entire fist in his mouth. I think he will be standing on his own (holding on to something) soon. His reflux is better, but now he is teething. Brad thinks he is getting fangs, first. Those are the only ones he can feel. Although we know it's usually the bottom front teeth.
The first CCC swim meet is this weekend. I hope the parents can keep their Mr Hyde's at bay.
In house news, we are almost almost done. The cement floor was cleaned and sealed. The drawer pulls and towel rods got put up today. We have been enjoying our tree house bedroom for over a month. It is so awesome. Quiet. Relaxing. I have watched extremely little tv since we moved. The living room tv got moved to the exercise room, so the only time I watch taped Ellen is when I ride the spin bike. The bedroom tv is 1)too far away for me to see a)because it's small and b)because the bedroom is big! and 2) I used to watch tv before bed, and now we listen to Hank's relaxation CD. I made him 2 new ones last night. I took out the organ music. 1)because Brad didn't care for it and 2)because it had too big of crescendos I couldn't equalize with iTunes.
3)Would you like another numbered list?
4)Little dude is waking!


Thursday, June 12, 2008

sweet

I have a sweet little 7 year-old boy on the swim team. I am such a sucker for sensitive little boys. I am not very tolerant of the ones that say silly answers to every question after being asked not to. Unfortunately, the sweet little 7 year-old swims like he is riding a bike. His head is up, his legs are very bent, and he doesn't really go anywhere. He improved today. I tried the seesaw analogy. While he had never been on a seesaw! he was able to understand what I mean by head goes down, feet come up.
Dude is asleep and as soon as I get done pontificating, I am going to do something intellectual!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Diagnosis spider

BH was bitten by a brown recluse and he won't go to the doctor.

I had baby duty for 24 hours because we initially thought he had the flu. For the first 2 months, I did not ever want to be away from the baby. Now, I need breaks. Especially due to his acid reflux. Poor guy. It's hard to be around him with no break when he is upset. MA and I talked about feeling guilty when we left our husbands alone with the kid. Or feeling like the husband was baby sitting the kid. In fact, the responsibility is half his, and he is not baby sitting. Our husbands never act like it is more our job or act like we should feel guilty when we leave, this is just our thought process. I even sometimes feel guilty when I go to work, particularly when BH is usually at work and is staying home to work. He can work from home any time he feels like if he doesn't have meetings. I guess this is one of those things I have to say, isn't that interesting, Mary. It's not bad or wrong, just interesting. The reality is, I love the baby, and I want to be around him 99.9% of the time. Normal people have to have moments of silence to themselves. I am a normal person. I suppose that is up for debate.

Determined to write up my dissertation as a manuscript to submit to a journal. Feel like if I had a block of 2 hours every now and then I could get it done. I cannot think long enough to write complete paragraphs when I only have 20 minutes here or 20 minutes there. I am hoping the dude will eventually get on enough of a schedule I can predict when I might have 2 hours.
I can clean the house in the short breaks, answer email, become self-absorbed on my blog. But, I can't use very much of my brain unless I have a block of time. That was true even before baby.
It's funny how almost everyone I know from age 30+ complains that their brain does not work as well as it used to, and they think they are abnormal. Maybe this is another one of those things. I am going to stop telling myself my brain isn't working even when it isn't. The other day I couldn't think of the word highchair. Isn't that interesting.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

miscellaneous, but what isn't

fun/funny website

Feeling good about democratic party. Not crazy about Hillary, but appreciative of her magnanimity. Didn't like Bill while he was prez, but post-prez was doing great until he tried to get his wife elected. I figure he is still trying to make amends to her. Too bad he screwed it up! I really really really really hope Barack Obama becomes our president for the next 8 years. It will be the only way the US can continue to show its face in the world. John McCain seems like a nice person, and what a life he has had, but I don't want him to continue the beehive poking in the Middle East, and he seems determined to do so.
HH is feeling better, but is not cured from his acid reflux. It is extremely sad to see him upset.
We started a bedtime routine last Saturday night. 1. Get naked 2. Bath with lavendar Aveeno baby body wash 3. Sleep sack 4. Relaxing music - I made a CD 5. Ad lib food. Tonight he has gone to sleep 3x, but this last time has stayed asleep for an hour. His max sleep time was 7 hours, but that was a TOTAL fluke. His normal max is 4 hours. I am trying to stretch him to 5. I think once he can eat better during the day, he will be able to go longer at night.
Tomorrow starts some new classes at the J. We are changing the early spinning class to a "cardio" class. I am thinking there will be some rebellion. I thought we would do some kick-boxing. Everyone gets into punching in the mirror.
Selling some old board games on eBay. Found one similar to one I have buy it now for $54. Wouldn't that be nice. They must have been put somewhere I couldn't reach, or I couldn't get anyone to play with me. Brad said having siblings did not facilitate playing board games, either. Well, I hope Hank does get a board game partner, but I guess it's not a done deal that they will play together.
Coaching at Canyon Creek for 6 weeks. The sweet kids. I love working with/for Don. I also liked working for Steve, but this team is an entirely different animal - only a 6 week season, 2 intramural meets that only last 3 hours, and the kids are less skilled, but very very sweet.
Someday maybe I can swim at Lost Creek, again. I miss wanting to swim 5000 m. I have been lucky to swim 2x/week, and if I can make myself stay in 2000 yards, it's a success.
Even before the kid, my motivation to exercise changed. When I was doing triathlons, I think I was highly motivated by anxiety. Once I stopped being plagued by anxiety, I stopped going on 5 hour bike rides. I was still swimming a lot, but it was purely for the joy of 400 IM. I think if I could swim in the morning, I could get back into 5000 m, but if I swim in the afternoon, I have a really hard time being energetic, and for some reason my brain will not stay in the water.
It's inconvenient that Brad and I are both morning exercisers. I think we are both doing fine, though. Neither one of us has become obese or developed type II diabetes or heart disease. Well, I take that back, I could be overweight. I probably am. I don't feel huge, but I am still 15 pounds heavier than my normal. I'm fairly cool with that.
Hank is training to be a security guard. He likes to hold keys, stand around, and check all the doors.

Friday, April 11, 2008

hardly a disaster

I just want to say, for the record, that the grounding of 500 or however many American Airlines flights is hardly a "disaster." I just saw the news with interviews of "stranded" travelers. Yes, it sucks, it's annoying, it's an inconvenience, but it's not a disaster. Noone even has a hangnail over not being able to fly on an American Airlines plane exactly when they want to. And, I would really rather they go ahead with the safety inspections than fly. Duh.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

my hip hop band

if the bluegrass meredith miller family band doesn't take off, I am going to have a hip hop duo, dj lightshow and hot chocolate. I'm dj lightshow. And, yes, I will have to find someone who is black to fill the role of hot chocolate. we'll use correct grammar and irony.

here's some pics of the kid.



Friday, March 28, 2008

Lost tense

"Don't you wish your girlfriend were hot like I [am]."
No, it doesn't have quite the same ring, but I think we should use the subjunctive tense.
I am trying out for The Search for the next Pussycat Doll and trying the new version out.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Variation on another acronym

WUWF - woke up while farting. I hate it when that happens.

Awesome. Someone googled TXTing acronyms, and the first page was my first batch. OK, OUR first batch. These are really going to catch on!!!

Normally, I'm a nice person,

but I hope the 22 year old singer/songwriter who got the first impression rose on the runway model-date gets booted next show. A) She is giving singer/songwriters a bad rap, and B) She is WAY too young-acting for him. He needs a sophisticated woman who knows about bowing to antiquity. I am currently betting on the woman he gave the very first first impression rose to - the one who gets hiccups. That's sweet.

Before & After

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Listen to the songs


Looking for an indoor pool in Austin, TX

I went to the J to swim today. I swam Thursday (82˙) and Friday (80˙), and today the water was 78˙ = a big boo. To some (especially non-swimmers) this difference may sound negligible, but trust me, it is very noticeable. Especially being out of swimming shape, I get way too cold in 78˙ water. I tried 24 hour fitness this afternoon, which I thought would be perfect - it's got great hours, there was no one else swimming, and the water temperature was perfect. However, while I was swimming, 1 guy got in the water 2x after emerging, covered in sweat, from the sauna. EXTREMELY gross. Another guy did the same thing, but did stand under a water shower for about 10 seconds before getting in. It was especially gross because the pool is 3 lanes (small), and the water was salty. I couldn't tell if they didn't use chlorine, or if the saltiness was a result of these chaps' periodic dunking. Either way, I am not going back.
I don't want to get all the UV radiation swimming outside at the J, and I can't seem to get out of bed at 4:30 am to make it there when it opens so I can get back so Brad can go exercise, too. When he gets home, I am too tired and don't feel like swimming. I hate swimming in cold water, and at UT there is no where to park. Isn't this such a sad, luxury problem? Can anyone think of a good indoor pool somewhere near Lamar and 53rd St?
Lifetime fitness at 620 x Parmer has an indoor pool, but that is pretty damn far. Town Lake YMCA has one, but not very easy to get to. Brad and I talked about building a 25m lane in our driveway. Wouldn't that be awesome? We would also have to have a fence surrounding it to make it 4 feet by 26 yards. I also imagine a pool can't butt up to the road, so we might not make 25 meters.

For my homies etc



Thursday, March 20, 2008

Recent News

China is stupid.
I think we should boycott the Olympics. (And the IOC should never have agreed to have them in CHINA.)
Dick Cheney doesn't care what we think. (OK, that's not news, but it happened, again.)
It's flooding in Texas, but not in Austin. TURN AROUND. Don't drown.
The kid is awesome.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

The Year of the Rat

The kid and I share the same Chinese new year zodiac symbol - the rat. 1972 and 2008.

A New Earth

I have never read an Oprah book club book that I know of, but I started reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle so I could do her interactive class. It's pretty cool.

A new kind of coach

I am interested in becoming a wellness coach. I think my clients would benefit from this type of consultation. Thoughts?

Best way to change behavior

If you want to lose weight, stop smoking, etc., bet someone you will. The threat of losing money is a great motivator.

Olympic Swimmers at Texas Swim Center

Phelps, Crocker, Hansen, et al. were among swimmers at the TSC this weekend.
Pool records were broken. More world records have been broken at the Lee and Joe Jamail Texas Swim Center than at any other pool in the world.

5 weeks of cuteness



Leading Cause of Mortality in US

The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) has continued to identify the leading cause of mortality in the US as cardiovascular disease.
Smoking causes over 400,000 deaths per year in the US. Smoking is the leading preventable cause of death in the US.

Daily PA

The American College of Sports Medicine (ACSM) has recommendations for physical activity for healthy adults under age 65:
Do moderately intense cardio 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week
Or
Do vigorously intense cardio 20 minutes a day, 3 days a week
And
Do 8-10 strength-training exercises, 8-12 repetitions of each exercise 2x a week.

Moderate-intensity physical activity means working hard enough to raise your heart rate and break a sweat, yet still being able to carry on a conversation. It should be noted that to lose weight or maintain weight loss, 60 to 90 minutes of physical activity may be necessary. The 30-minute recommendation is for the average healthy adult to maintain health and reduce the risk for chronic disease.

Danskin Triathlon Austin

The Jewish Community Association of Austin is offering the 4th annual training class for the Austin Danskin Triathlon. Here is the weekly training schedule. You do not have to be a member of the JCAA, and it's not too late to sign up for the class.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

TBBOAT 1 week+

The best baby of all time.
He just ate for about 1.5 hours, so, now I am awake and also hungry.
I think I have post partum elation. I think it's well deserved because I had prego depression. That was super stink a link. I feel better physically and mentally than I have in months. Wow.
Also, for the first and only time in my life I finally have the playboy bunny body I have always wanted. Not really that I have always wanted it, but my boobs are huge and I have a little pooch on my belly. It's funny.