way to go, Tech

I have to say I enjoy seeing Texas' rivals losing much more than I enjoy watching Texas play. watching Texas play is too tense because I want them to win. unfortunately, vaguely hoping someone will lose is not very tense, but just pure fun. and, while my late Grandfather and second cousin are A&M alums, A&M is simply a huge rival of Texas, and I am a 3x tea sipper. additionally, we do have several Tech alums. Tech was awesome against A&M. Robert Johnson scored 3 TD's. whooo knew. I read on wikipedia all about football and various positions while watching the game. this, after 25 years or so of trying to enjoy and watch football. picking the dolphins as my team because I like dolphins, and I have always disliked the cowboys for some reason. all the men in my life, God bless them, have failed to give me adequate information regarding the rules, the positions played, and body types and sizes best-suited for each position. the Tech players also happen to have awesome arms. similar to the awesomeness of David Robinson's arms. however, *David Robinson, the admiral, does have the best arms of all time (including deltoids)*.
the Texas game is not on tv. boo. maybe I can watch OU or Arkansas lose this evening.... watching OU lose to Oregon was totally awesome, as I think I mentioned.
so there are offensive linemen, defensive linemen, defensive linebackers. running backs line up behind the quarterback or next to him, and they get the ball handed to them and they run. I got the running part, but I never got the difference between them and the wide receiver. he is often called a FL which I forget what that stands for, but there can be mulitple wide receivers. they usually line up to the right of the quarterback. this makes so much sense. the rest of the offensive line cannot catch or take the ball. they are just supposed to protect the QB and make room for the running backs to run through. very interesting!!!
I urge you men, who know the rules of football, to take a woman, eager to learn, under your wing and explain these eccentricities to her. don't let her waste years puzzling over your excitement about incorrect calls, offsides, penalty flaga, etc.
geez, I wish I had gotten an LASP this semester.

happy bday, bh!

swam this morning at lost creek for the first time probably in a month. between marie being sick, my getting sick, my being sleepy, and my being afraid of cold water, I don't think we have gone since August. #1 my flip turns gets messed up when I go from 25 yd to 25 m and back, again. #2 there is no way I ever swim as fast by myself as I do when steve tells us what to do.
WU 400 swim, 300 kick, 300 pull
6x50 1-3 EZ/build, 4-6 EZ fast on 1:10
8x200 1-4 100 FR fast, 100 BK/Fly x 25's. OUCH. 5-8 100 FR fast, 100 IM. OUCH. I did them all on 4:30.
3x(2x100 kick on 1:40, 2x100 FR on 2:00) all with fins. yeah, except marie kills me because she can kick faster than I can.
CD 200 EZ
=4300 m. arms = tired.

sinuses felt better after swimming, but I have been poking my face for the rest of the day. ouch. they are stuffy and achey. dr. eskew told me to use afrin for 3 days. it feels so good to use it. you are not supposed to use it for more than 3 days in a row. it is addictive. and lord knows, I can get addicted to anything.

boo reaucracy

don't worry about your tax dollars being wasted on academic research. I imagine there will be no competition for this dissertation research grant because it is such a complicated process to submit the grant. you need a Ph.D in bureaucratic run-around to know how to submit the thing. I am really frustrated and needed to take a venting break, but I didn't want to actually call anyone and talk on the phone or email because I realize this is a luxury problem. I would really like to cry, however.
I visited my mentee yesterday. she is 7. I was impressed with the school. it is clean, small classes, students' art on the walls. I am hoping this endeavor will help keep me in today and in gratitude. I realize it is supposed to be helping her by my imparting some wisdom or guidance or something. I imagine it is just my undivided attention that will be the most useful to her. even if I answered in chinese.
in other complaints, my sinuses still hurt. it's sad. I did sterilize some water to resume my neti pot. I put a 1/4 teaspoon of salt for 2 cups water. this didn't burn or anything so I am guessing is dilute enough.

crazy

think I might possibly go crazy. made my 5 copies of my grant and 5 colated sets of appendices to take over to the office where they sign and send them. I have been in communication with them for several months. turns out in May, probably seconds after I downloaded the ms word docs, they posted new forms. the forms are identical to the old ones except that in the footer they have an unpdated date. therefore, I may have to make 5 more sets of colated copies and appendices and take them over on Thursday. it's due Oct. 1, so it's not down to the wire. good.
in other bad news, I think I have a sinus infection. I have been irrigating with sterile saline, but now I am out. I was keeping ahead of the ragweed, etc, but I guess I am now behind. fortunately, I had a full stash of antibiotics from last spring, so I started those this afternoon.
I can't find any medical professional who will confirm or deny that the saline needs to be sterile. several docs over the years have told me to snort water in the shower up my nose. it seems this would be extremely unsterile. I called the UT nurse helpline and she had never heard of any type of sinus lavage. what the who.
I was using this wound wash stuff that was sterile saline in a can, but it is kind of expensive. I thought about using contact saline because it is sterile, but I read on the internets that it may contain preservatives that irritate the sinuses.
I welcome your medical advice.

L'Shanah Tovah!

I am looking forward to the High Holy Days this year because they fall over a Saturday/Sunday coincidentally. I def need a break from the spinning classes after last week. I think I did make progress last week, because I only obsessed about the other instructor and one annoying participant for less than 24 hours. oy vey, progress, not perfection.
I was just looking up the spelling for happy new year in Hebrew, and I found a site that has expressions for Jewish holidays. "have an easy fast" is the appropriate greeting to someone on Yom Kippur. it said, "don't wish someone happy Yom Kippur. it's not a happy holiday." I thought that was kind of funny. instructions for gentiles. don't wish someone happy day of atonement.

allergies = extreme boo. don't feel like working on my proposal. ears stuffy. head stuffy. rag weed = boo!
5 minute rule. Brad is out riding, of course. I have no idea where my discipline went that used to get me out EVERY Saturday morning to ride for 4-6 hours. I wouldn't schedule anything on Saturday mornings because I wanted to ride. today, and most of the Saturdays this month I have slept until 7-10! am. today, I got up at 7:30, reluctantly, but Rockit was too loud.
I guess it's just OK.

Hair here.


Hair gone.

silly

proposal went fine. I was clearly nervous when I started, but once we started discussing it, I felt very comfortable, and it was fun to talk about it with them. I guess I was traumatized by the ex phys peeps more than I realized because the HED peeps really are sweet. I guess that is how they gained the FFF nickname - fifth floor feel-gooders. I have to change a few things really to make it simpler. not a big deal. and I think it will be very elegant. I am still glad I learned how to do SEM, but I am not going to use latent variables, I will use path analysis. I can still use SEM software though which is so EASY to do the calculations and effect sizes and all that stuff. neat.
I was going to go swim, but I DON'T feel like it. I guess that is OK. Although, I have only swum once this week, and I haven't been to Steve's in a couple of weeks! he is going to think Marie and I are cheating on him with another coach.
she has been sickie and I have been afraid of potentially and actually cold water. next week we head back.
I have a sinus headache, but other than that, am happy!
I feel so much more confident about the next step which will be the defense in the spring. doesn't seem like it will be too bad. if they all agreed on the study to begin with.

definitely freaked

I am officially completely nervous about my prop pres. officially. it will be great to be completely sleep deprived and nervous by the time Friday gets here. I just remembered to reserve a computer and projector for the room. DUHHHHHHH. I know that room doesn't have a projector or a computer. thank you, Lord. and, yes, I know that God sent me a telepathic message to get that done because I didn't remember.
I think if I had received ANY feedback on it up until this point, I might be a little less nervous.
I keep going over the worst case scenario: they all say it is the worst proposal they have ever read and the worst presentation they have ever seen. I have to rewrite it. that wouldn't be so bad. if they really thought it was terrible, they would probably give me some really specific instructions on what to change.
I also have my grant proposal all printed out with a letter for them all to sign so that I can schlep it over to OSP via Kinko's to make 5 copies and send off to Maryland.
wow. these are luxury worries.
come down off the ledge.
pretty day today.
I wish they would quit saying it's going to be cool, however.
it's cooler.
not cool.
back off to the J. DO not want to go. oh, well.

awesome

OU loss to Oregon = awesome. the dorky northwestern Oregon students were AWESOME. they were so excited. we watched the last quarter during dinner last night.

if you wanted to carry on a conversation with someone, would you go to a group exercise class? no, you could go ANYWHERE else in the gym. anywhere else in the world. when you go to a group exercise class, you go to exercise and follow the instructions of the instructor. is that crazy?

no, it is crazy to become mentally obsessed with 1 in 14 people. THAT is crazy.

brad and I did some heavy lifting to move the drawers out of the truck into the new shed addition. seems to be what weight lifting is really for. to be able to functionally lift weights. I think I am going to be sore. I hope brad will opt to sometimes drive the lexus. I feel bad driving his dad's car. he should get to drive it. and, now I can see out the back of the truck so I can drive it in the parking garage.

watching joseph campbell. apparently, it's our culture's judeo-christian framework upon which we build our values and daily rituals that separate us from our true consciousness which was more eloquently and adaptively articulated by the hindus and later buddhists. that the earth is our mother, and each night we die with the moon and each morning are reborn with the sun. and nature is something to be embraced not viewed as a knowledge of evil. makes sense.

stinking it up

I guess now that we are #8, we don't get to be on network tv. stink a link. guess we will be kveting it. or waiting until tomorrow. major applewhite is an offensive coach for rice. I always thought he was in the military. no, his name is major.
not so SMRT.
brad said the biggest travesty about those crockett HS defensive football coaches being put on leave was that a HS has FOUR defensive coaches. I concur.

we're just dumb

yes, it must be that powell, mccain, and the rest of us just don't understand common article 3 from the geneva convention of 1949. we just don't understand that what the president is proposing are simply necessary clarifications of the law. yeah, who was it, probably churchill, eisenhower, I am guessing, that came up with those laws. they just weren't thinking ahead.

fyi

when a person has REALLY bad cramps and doesn't feel good, his/her face hurts from allergies, and he/she is moody, this person does not want to decide what to eat for dinner. especially when the aforementioned person decides on dinner 364 days/year.
just wanted to let you know. in case you were wondering.

tmi

in case anyone was wondering, I am having really bad PMS, or PMDD, although it is not pre, it's during.
it stinks. I feel like wrapping myself in fleece and curling up in a ball. eventhough, it's hot outside. I shouldn't have watched the weather, because they set my expectations for this cool front unrealistically high. if I had been surprised by it, I think I might have perceived it as cool. I know, who cares! I just don't feel like doing ANY of the things I have to do.
I went to deliver consents this morning to HS #2. it was a pretty rough place. I have been really grateful lately that one only has to attend high school once.

I found what David Letterman said about Sept.11 very poignant and true. I am paraphrasing. Something like "we are told this act was performed by some religious zealots. They did it in the name of religion. How will that ever make any goddamned sense?"
I have seen many of the online movies regarding other motives and scenarios regarding the World Trade Centers' collapse. Some seem to have compelling evidence. However, it is unfathomable that they are true. It is easier to believe, although unbelievably absurd, that the attacks were in the name of religion.

In my insignificant life...
Hand delivered my proposal mail this morning. I feel relieved and excited. I also feel afraid as I have received very little feedback on it other than Lana proofreading a draft or so ago for grammar. I think it is interesting and well-done. However, I am afraid I have missed something huge, or something along the lines of 'they are going to find out' I am not smart.
Taught 2 swimmings this morning. Have 2 this afternoon. I have 8 hours of clients tomorrow. Got done with my proposal just in time. It is challenging for me to be positive, authoritative, watchful, and relaxed simultaneously. Especially while trying to learn 120 names. It all comes together after a couple of weeks, but the first few are intense.
I am REALLY trying to maintain an attitude of service and gratitude. I remember each morning, then I realize mid-way through the day that I have forgotten. I can't believe I am still human. It seems after practicing this for 10 years or so I would be sweeter, calmer, and more perfect. If I were perfect, I wouldn't need God's help. I think that perfectionism has been the most plaguing character defect ever. It permeates every aspect of my life. The BB says the worst culprit is fear. I suppose perfectionism is rooted in fear. OK, I'm done.

printed!

printing my proposal to deliver to my committee tomorrow! it is freaking me out because I am afraid once I have them all done I will find a grammatical error or something else dumb. however, I am also really sick of reading it over and over. it's too bad so many trees have to die to be in academia. but, I am so glad that the typewriter is obsolete. and there is this thing called ENDNOTE.

one of my spin participants said you can pay to ride in a fighter jet. now, you know what to get me for christmas....

planted my fall "garden" yesterday in a bunch of pots. we have a small section of sun on the south-facing side of the house, so I planted vegetables in half and flowers in the other half. I also planted some herbs in tiny pots. if anything, it is cute. especially once the pots of dirt have some green stuff in them.

marie and I cancelled our sunday afternoon swim date for about the 1000th time. we often plan to swim on sunday afternoons and 99.9% of the time one of us is too tired. NW closes at the end of the day today. now, we will have to brave steve's or the J's cold waters. if they J would quit aerating, that would help. it has been getting in the low 70's at night. no need to aerate!

watching B on IMlive. she is out of the water, but that's all I can see. it's always a good thing to make it thru the swim, though.

fighter pilots

well, I think I have a new career aspiration. 4 F/A-18 Hornets have been flying around the stadium to practice their flying around the stadium tonight. they flew right over our house this afternoon and at the start of the game, we are guessing from kileen to san antonio and back. too bad you have to be in the marines to fly these things. they were really cool. maybe someday our military will be purely for humanitarian aid and I can travel in a fighter jet helping people adhere to physical activity and not smoke.
brad told me smoking kills 500,000 people a year. I didn't know that. I thought the no.1 killer was CVD. it is, but almost all smokers develop CVD and those who don't, get cancer. smoking is the leading cause of preventable death in the US. about 40,000 of those deaths are of non-smokers who die from second hand smoke-related CVD, cancers, and respiratory diseases. as a smoker of 10 years and non smoker of 9 years, I can't believe anyone would ever smoke. the only people dumb enough to start smoking are teenagers, case in point. seems like if we could prevent teenagers from ever starting, we might have something. meanwhile tobacco companies have been increasing nicotine in cigarettes over the past 6 years. good job. how could you ever sleep at night?
should be printing out my proposal. efc: emotion focused coping = update blog, watch football, drink hot tea.
bm is doing IMWI tomorrow. go, b-dog!!!

the usual

we started our usual texas football weekend with tailgating at 8 am (game at 11). brad painted his face just like he always does for home games, but this time, to look like vince young. I think some people mistook this minstrel idea and were offended. you know how much brad loves vince young, and he misses him terribly. consequently, brad had a little too much md 20/20, and we had to walk him and his bike home at halftime. when we got home, we was passed out in the backyard clutching his vince young and bevo stuffed dolls with the radio blasting the post-game show.

we actually had our usual brad rides, mh does whatever. I slept until nearly 10 am yesterday! that is probably the first time in over 10 years. we got new glasses and picked them up today. brad's are really cool. mine, of course, make me look smrt.
looking forward to doing a lot of nothing tomorrow. it's not 1000 degrees outside, a pleasant reprieve.
getting things done for my proposal presentation in 3 weeks!!!