Tuesday, April 24, 2012

I don't believe in Beatles

Firstly, I just got it, the other day, what John Lennon meant when he said, "Imagine there's no heaven."  You likely got this in high school or middle school when you first heard the song.  I'm slower than that.  Heaven is what we make here on earth by trying to be the best Humans we can be, and by just being kind to each other.  I heard the Rodney King "speech" yesterday, when he said, "Can't we all just get along?"  Can we?  Yes, we can!

Secondly, I don't believe in magic Jesus or God pulling me out of the way of on on coming train or even sending the helicopter in a flood.  I do think God takes care of me (and you), and can help if I want it.  I just told Brad I don't know why I sign up to answer the after hours AA phone.  I do it once a month or so.  Usually, it's lazy people calling who don't want to look online for a meeting.  haha.  Not really lazy.  Some don't have internets.  They're not lazy.  Tonight, I got to tell my story twice.  At least part of it, that is.  And, I don't ever consider drinking or taking drugs as something I would do, again.  But, lately, I have been feeling overwhelmed.  Tonight, I couldn't get to sleep, and I thought, one beer would make me sleepy.  I didn't think it was a good idea, nor did I entertain the idea, but I had the thought, which I hadn't had in 16 plus years.  (Maybe once after my first anatomy exam, I thought, this stress is something I would have drunk over.  But, again, did not think it was a good idea.  I did yoga in the airport, instead).  But, I don't think it was an accident that I answered the AA phone tonight.  One lady hung up on me after I said all meetings are not the same.  And, I said, if you don't work the steps out of the book with a sponsor, that is not "doing AA."  This guy just called, and I could tell he actually wanted to talk about something sexual, and I redirected, but I got to tell him enough of my story to remember how much it used to suck, it being life.  My life.  What I used to be like, sucky, what happened, I worked the steps (several times through, now) with a sponsor.  What I am like now, not sucky and usually way freaking happy and grateful!!!  I think God intervened, but I am not sure how or why or where.  But, I believe, the Human Spirit God gave us all is what mobilized me enough to get to AA.

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