Just need to let you know

I just watched the movie The Anonymous People movie on instant Netflix. So I need to tell you I'm a person in long-term recovery. I've been sober since December 23, 1995. It's the best thing that has ever happened to me. Even above my family because I know I would never have my family without sobriety and recovery.   There are over 23 million people in the US in long-term recovery. 1/3 adolescents need drug and alcohol treatment and only 1/7 will receive it. Austin is opening it's first recovery high school in August. Uhighschool.com. Check it out. 

Staring at the sun

I've been trying more lately to LOOK like  I'm having fun dancing and looking into the other person's eyes while dancing. I am always actually having fun, but I guess I don't naturally look like it. Hey, I'm concentrating. This is my game face. But I guess people expect that If you're enjoying yourself you'll be smiling. Fair enough. I've been trying to look into DIDs eyes while we're dancing. Seems like a safe place to try it on for size. But that is like staring at the sun. Seems like it might be a good idea, but way too intense. The other day a guy looked right into my eyes and smiled a fairly creepy smile at me the entire dance. I really tried to reciprocate, but something about me was a tell that I was not into it. I remember the first showcase with DID I did, he said look like you're having the time of your life. I was barely able to grin at that point. I don't have to think about smiling when I'm doing lindy. Just comes naturally. Like I said, it's not like I'm not always having at least 75% fun with every dance step. But smiling while looking into the other person's eyes still eludes me. I don't understand how people do it. I can do it while talking. While listening. But not yet while dancing. I don't even want to think about doing some styling while smiling WHILE looking into the other persons eyes. Whoa, that's a mind-blower. 

Dancing: I figured it out

Thanks to my mother's generosity buying me dancing lessons for my bday, I've been dancing, again.  It is such pure joy, and I love it second most in my life.  Second only to my family.  I'm not very good at it, and it doesn't come naturally, but when I can follow a move or move my body in a certain way, it is so blissful.  I think part of it is a spiritual experience.  I'm not thinking about myself.  At least not about any thoughts about myself.  It's partly primal.  My body wants to move to music.  It's partly neurotransmitters.  Dopamine is through the roof, and norepinepherine and epinepherine (so-called "stress" hormones) are also high - the excitement/anxiety coin.  Dancing with DID is particularly enjoyable, which I think is a little bit astrological and some pheromones.  I really wish Brad would try it.  I think it's the only thing I don't like about him.  I think he would really like Lindy Hop.  It's athletic and so much fun!  But, at least I'm glad he doesn't mind if I do it.  And at Go Dance, it's so platonic and not creepy he has nothing to worry about.  I've been to one class this time around and am going to go to the social dance on Sunday at 6:30 pm.  Even if I have a broken leg.  I'm going.  I psych myself out of doing it because I'm afraid everyone will know I have no idea what I'm doing.  Isn't that the dumbest thing?  Something I love but let my brain tell me what to do.  No way!  The feet are doing the talking, now!

No kids

After going to all these bouncy places I have to admit I don't really like kids.  I mean I don't like other people's kids. I like other people's babies. I became a baby person the second HH was born. Before that I didn't dislike babies, I just never noticed them. Some women coo when they see a baby, and I could've cared less. I guess what I really don't like is other parents. Park kids and parents are better than bouncy place kids and parents. But I've had plenty of annoyances with park kids, too. Still, I want another baby. I do really like a few moms, and I know they are my lifeline, but still it seems all we really talk about is our kids. Which is ok. I love my kids so much, I like talking about them. Still it would be nice to talk about anything else, too. Some moms, like our kids will hit it off, then we never see them again. That's sad. But I feel weird asking every mom for her phone number. Like a lurker in a bar. All that really matters is the kids are having fun. And if they're happy I'm happy too.  And if it's ok with them to say farewell to a 2-hour-long friend, it's ok with me.

Nic Sheff

I've come out of retirement to write about my new favorite author, Nic Sheff.  I'm totally in love, though we've never met, of course.  And he is married to a BEAUTIFUL woman.  And, well, I'm married, too.  His books Tweak and We All Fall Down are captivating, and kind of erotic.  (I must be a little sick, still).  I read his dad's book Beautiful Boy, and appreciated it.  It was heart-wrenching though.  I can't imagine how hard it would be to practice al anon principles on your own kid.  I was making notes about what to do and what not to do to get your kid not to become alcoholic.  Of course, there's the gene piece.  Me, and a few of my relatives, and a few of Brad's relatives have it.  But, this new sober high school  is supposed to address these problems before they become fatal.  Nic's story makes mine look like girl scout trips.  But, of course, it only matters to me how hopeless I think I was, so it was enough.  I was trying to get his address so I could send him some been-bags, but he hasn't responded.  Anyhoo, that's what I've been thinking about.  BTW these are the first books I have read since Ch was born!

Hello from long ago

Haven't written in quite a while. I'm doing well. Still looking for more work. Still in love with my kids. Obsessed with John Legend. And Ian Somerhalder. Hope you are well.