Friday, January 05, 2007


I did remember another non-guitar player bf. SL from DC, a musician nontheless. extremely charismatic and won't add me as his myspace friend. bugs me. also a drummer, well, 3. wow. ok. memory lane is a long walk.
I guess my new year's resolution should be to practice taking no for an answer. afterall, it is a pet peeve of mine when people don't take no for an answer from me. what's good for the gander is good for the goose. I think I am the goose, right? my other resolution was to practice not being perfect and to let other people also not be perfect. because, of course, no one is, and my imperfect definition of what perfect is is wrong for me and is indubitably wrong for everyone else.
I can't remember if it was last year or the year before, but one good resolution was "you can't take it with you." consequently, I have made progress in getting rid of things I don't use. and even made some progress in not buying things I don't need. maybe before I hit 40 I will get it down. oops, trying to be perfect. it's going to be a long year, I guess.
the other resolution I think about a lot is to be present and enjoy the moment. I find myself sitting in the anxiety of tomorrow a lot. and waking up wanting to get today over with. ironically, I have created a life I like. yet, I often realize I am trying to get things I want to do over with. how silly. the progress is I don't often sit in the regret of the past. I see how my experience can benefit others. I suppose I do regret what happened with SL which is a reason the situation is hard to mentally let go of. the other progress is that, at 11 years without a drink, I only bother cyberspace with my mental obsessions. oooo, the Chelsea Hotel, Ezra Brooks, and a calling card - a painful combination.

I stand corrected. SL does play guitar, and we are now myspace friends. I am happy about this in a strange and anti-climactic sort of way. I would also like to play with fire, but I know this means heartache for all.

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