It has been cool hearing back from everyone I emailed regarding the future Mr. Hodgkinson. The first person to respond was a guy I lived at Pearl Street Coop with in 1990. We found each other on myspace a few months ago. I think that finding old friends is absolutely the only constructive use of facebook, myspace, etc. I can say I am no longer addicted to either and that is probably the only thing I have ever quit and been able to use in moderation.
Speaking of, I think I have now finally crossed over into looking pregnant and not full of beer. However, even when I was full of beer, I did not have a beer belly. I just had slightly bigger everything. Until a few weeks ago, my maximum weight had been while I was drinking. Now, I am at my lifetime maximum weight. I am totally OK with it. I still feel like my athletic self and am now even more feel connected to the bambino inside. Now, that I know he is a boy, I can even more easily picture getting to know him.
I think it is ideal we are starting with a boy. I know I am going to have a hard time detaching with love and letting the child be himself. I think I will be less likely to project my stuff onto a boy or try to control things I can't control. I think I will be able to guide without suffocating. Of course, we shall see. I think it will also be really cool for Brad. I hope that he can heal a piece of the loss of his dad by being a dad. He is going to be such an awesome dad. I also think I will be able to be totally adult about his attention to a boy. I know no mother intends to be jealous of her daughter and wants the dad to love the daughter, of course. But at least unconsciously, the mom must have a little jealousy toward daddy's little girl.
I guess I will have to let Brad know he is still my favorite guy. Although Brad is the opposite of jealous. I think he would rather not have the attention at all.
Swim team has gone well this week. I have been more calm. The assistant has been gone. He is great and is very helpful. But, I think I have had a better attitude with the kids when I am by myself. As I told Coach Steve, I know it is I who needs to change my perception, not the kids who need to change, per se.
Speaking of, I get to swim at Coach Steve's this morning, then coach the masters. I am giggling about asking Steve if I can go to the bathroom in the middle of practice. Maybe in the middle of a 100 in the middle of the main set. Hilarious. This is, of course, what the kids do. I cannot tell if they are wanting a break, or really have to go. I don't want to risk their peeing in the pool, so I always say yes. I would rather they just tell me, "I have to go to the bathroom." I will tell them that. That way, I know they are ok, not sick, but will be back. If you have to go or even if you have to sneak a break in, I am ok with it.
I am definitely working on my abstract this afternoon!!! I pledge to finish a great draft. Signed, MLMH
PS, Yes, I have awakened every day this week before my alarm and have been hungry!!!