- 4˙ F

I was going to walk over to the gym this morning to see my favorite hippie Taoseños, (I guess that is redundant) but it's -4˙F, and I don't feel like it.

I have swum everyday since Monday. That is good enough for a pregnant lady. I imagine we will stop around Amarillo today, and our favorite motel in Amarillo has a workout room.
On Tuesday at the Genoveva Chavez Community Center pool, it was set up as long course - 50 m. I was reminiscing about one of the first times, if not the first, that I swam over 3000 m in the UT pool when it was set up long course. It was with BM. The thing I remember was we did a set of descending 300's, which I thought sounded impossible and too hard. But, we did it. That was neat.

Yesterday, I didn't feel as perky in the pool, but I had swum 4000 yds the day before, etc, and it was the middle of the day. I do so much better when I exercise first thing in the morning. I hope Hank lets me do that.

He moves around a lot especially when I am still - sitting for a while or lying down to sleep! I asked Brad and my mom if that meant he was going to move around all the time when he moves out. They didn't know.

I have had such a relaxing time this week. I think my mom has, too. The only time I really can relax is in a motel. There is nothing to clean; I am not reminded of my to do list (even though I did get a few things on it done, here). I didn't send out Christmas cards. Merry Christmas, everyone! I LOVE being in a motel, watching their cable, exercising, rambling on the internets, eating every once in a while, getting out only to do something fun. I cannot ever reach this level of relaxation at home. Yes, I take naps, yes, I fart around, but I have a lingering guilt that spoils it. I guess I really need to work on that for 2008. Being present and just enjoying the moment. That is what I am able to do on vacation.

I was worried about missing Brad too much because it seems like the oxytocin is going nuts making me want to be with him every second of the day, but I didn't. Just kidding. It was like ripping off a bandaid - a big bandaid over a hairy arm or something. It was painful to separate, but I haven't been crying over missing him the whole time we've been gone. I am enjoying Lana's company. It also helped we had a gorgeous view of Wheeler Peak outside our window - we didn't always have to get out in the -4˙ to enjoy the mountains.

It looks like the ice on the roads will melt today, and we will have fairly smooth sailing. Last year a lot of folks got stuck in the panhandle - in their cars or in a motel in Lubbock. Now, I don't know if I could relax quite as much in a flea bag motel in Lubbock. There is a nice Comfort Inn Heather and James and I stayed in once, however.

My mom keeps talking about bringing 10 month old Hank here next year. I am not so sure about that one.
I wonder if Brad and I can take Hank on our 14ers quest over the next few years. Weighing Brad down with 30-50 pounds of Baby Bjorn would certainly make it easier to keep up with him. Maybe not, though, he adapts quickly to training stimuli.

I hope you all have relaxing holidays. I am going to enjoy the spirit of my family members and try to bring joy while not trying to control the outcome.
Those are good resolutions - be present, bring joy, and let go of the outcome. What an order!

Hey, today I am 12! DUHHHH!!!!!! December 23, 1995. Hello! Thank God and the Universe for my sanity and continuous sobriety. Life certainly is so much better and so much different than I ever could have dreamed. I never thought I would go to graduate school (much less graduate), be a recreational athlete, marry the best husband in the world, and have a son. I couldn't imagine life without alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, and debauchery. I was always seeking an always elusive fun. I can honestly say it was so rarely fun, even though I told myself I was out to have fun. Yes, I may have laughed with friends, but it was with a panic of never being present. Wow. I couldn't have planned this. I was headed for an early sex, drugs, and rock n roll end. I can't even articulate how grateful I am. Someday, I will revisit rock n roll for good and not to an end. I hope Hank doesn't say "aw, Mom" until he's at least 12 or so when I break out the Bob Dylan and Replacements covers.