1992

Just got home from the Hole in the Wall hearing some old friends play.  The last time I was in there was 2000, playing my final SXSW.  The first time I went there was 1987 when I was 15 with my dad.  This time it was so surreal.  The bar seemed bigger, but it smelled the same - still like cigarettes & beer, although I don't know how many years it's been non-smoking.  It was such a relief to be there as 43 year-old me.  Not wondering with whom or how I would get home.  I don't miss that life in any way.  So lonesome and so desperate.  Ugh.  Psychiatric medication helps, but I think 20+ years of living on earth and of being sober have made me so much calmer.  I didn't realize how much peace I walk around in now until going there tonight.  What a miracle.  Even as dorky and neurotic as I am today, compared to 20 year-old me I'm close to Nirvana, now.  I'm so grateful many of my 20 year-old wishes for myself didn't come true.
Did you know there's tons of frat people out all over Guadalupe at midnight?  I don't remember that, but I don't remember that much, so maybe it was always that way.  Before I left everyone asleep and snoring, I told Brad I was afraid of finding a place to park and of getting mugged.  Haha.  I paid $7 to park, and I did not come close to getting mugged.  I got a free diet coke, and got home well before closing time.   Not a bad night for staying up past bedtime.