State of the Union Highlight

"Madame Speaker,"

sunny!

interesting weekend. begun Friday night with a power outage on our block that started at 7pm and ended sometime in the middle of the night. (we are guessing around 11). yesterday, I had a big day running with Marie, getting my allergy shot, and spending 8 hours in a room with my graduate student cohort taking a qualitative software training. it was actually very good. the software is expensive, though. and, I don't have any qualitative data right now. today, the sun is up, and the sky is clear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think BH was having MI flashbacks. hopefully, he will be able to get out and enjoy riding outside. I am off to teach spinning at the J. haven't been up there since last Sunday because it was closed M, Tu, W last week.

Adult onset, then teenagers, then kids, and now cats. At least, being a health educator, I can help the cats with type II diabetes. Apparently, getting more physical activity and decreasing serving sizes aren't enough.

UT, AISD, JCAA closed

Tuesday, January 16, 2007 - UT, JCAA, AISD closed all day.
It's not supposed to clear off until Thursday late morning....

ice ice, baby

oh, you knew it was coming. supposed to be iced in until Thursday morning. J was closed today. haven't heard about UT or J tomorrow, but I can't imagine they will open. if there is water coming out of the sky and below 32, I will not be leaving the house. however, bummer is I was trying to work on my diss, and this software I need to use on the UT server is not working. booooooooo.
we rented 3 movies on Sunday and haven't watched one. covered the tropicals in the backyard. just walked to 7-eleven so BH could get a money order for an eBay purchase. it was freezing, but not too icy. BH and I are enjoying being snowed in.

well

I did remember another non-guitar player bf. SL from DC, a musician nontheless. extremely charismatic and won't add me as his myspace friend. bugs me. also a drummer, well, 3. wow. ok. memory lane is a long walk.
I guess my new year's resolution should be to practice taking no for an answer. afterall, it is a pet peeve of mine when people don't take no for an answer from me. what's good for the gander is good for the goose. I think I am the goose, right? my other resolution was to practice not being perfect and to let other people also not be perfect. because, of course, no one is, and my imperfect definition of what perfect is is wrong for me and is indubitably wrong for everyone else.
I can't remember if it was last year or the year before, but one good resolution was "you can't take it with you." consequently, I have made progress in getting rid of things I don't use. and even made some progress in not buying things I don't need. maybe before I hit 40 I will get it down. oops, trying to be perfect. it's going to be a long year, I guess.
the other resolution I think about a lot is to be present and enjoy the moment. I find myself sitting in the anxiety of tomorrow a lot. and waking up wanting to get today over with. ironically, I have created a life I like. yet, I often realize I am trying to get things I want to do over with. how silly. the progress is I don't often sit in the regret of the past. I see how my experience can benefit others. I suppose I do regret what happened with SL which is a reason the situation is hard to mentally let go of. the other progress is that, at 11 years without a drink, I only bother cyberspace with my mental obsessions. oooo, the Chelsea Hotel, Ezra Brooks, and a calling card - a painful combination.

I stand corrected. SL does play guitar, and we are now myspace friends. I am happy about this in a strange and anti-climactic sort of way. I would also like to play with fire, but I know this means heartache for all.

every girl likes a guitar player

of course I love BH for many reasons, but one is that I am glad he is not a guitar player. they are intoxicating and mercurial. and the reason a guitar player is awesome is because he practices a lot, plays out a lot. additionally, all the girls throw themselves at him. although guitar players seem like they would be great to be friends with, you are second fiddle to the body of solid wood. I know this because with the exception of BH and 1 other, every boyfriend I have ever had was a guitar player. at any rate, I just saw the raconteurs on austin city limits. am now obsessed with jack white. I hadn't heard or seen him play before last night. he is very charismatic. I now want to own every album he has ever played on. did you know he produced loretta lynn's last album? and, he is from MICHIGAN! the other side, however, Detroit.

played, myself at the allgood café last night. was disappointed I didn't have much of a turn out. this summer I would say I had a good-sized crowd. I entertained myself by playing covers I like including a new one - you're a big girl, now.

starting to freak-out about the semester starting. it always works out, and there is absolutely no reason to freak-out. I think my anxiety is sustained by the fact that I hope this is my last semester and can I really get it done?????????????

tried to swim this morning at the Landry center. didn't feel like doing ANYTHING, but I stayed in for 2400m. don't know what my deal is. headed back to Austin tomorrow afternoon.

amateur night

Be careful if you go anywhere on the road between today and tomorrow morning - the amateurs will be out.
I have done quite a bit of emotion-focused coping this week regarding school. I am going to be the PhD with the most organized bathroom, closets, and possibly the cleanest house. I am in a cleaning out mood. I threw away a bunch of expired tylenol, etc from the bathroom cabinet yesterday. fascinating.
I am going exercising with Marie this morning, then I plan to spend the next 2 days finishing my stats. I was telling Brad - I have taken several stats classes, but only in the last one did we use the computer to do the calculations. I did value learning the concepts and why and when to use what. However, now that it is crunch time, I only want to know how to get the computer to do what I want. Terminology differs, etc.
Aunt Barbara sent us a Christmas cactus. It's going nuts.

feisty exchange?

AP headline says Saddam had "feisty exchange" at gallows. Don't you think we all would be "feisty" before being hanged? What did they expect him to do? He is likely insane. He was likely a terrible person who tortured and murdered 100's of people. I have so many problems with the outcome of his trial, however. And I still do not think we, as civilized people, should a)kill him b)hang him or c)put the damned execution on tv. I saw a little of 20/20 last night, and they had already named the event, "death of a dictator." That really makes me want to puke. But, I cannot believe that we in the United States of America have the death penalty. We are no better than Medieval Europe. Or than some other countries in the world we would label "backwards."

Been working on my data. Good and bad news. A little confused as to what to do. Applied for a job at DSHS. Pretty pessimistic, but also just going to put one foot in front of the other.

Enjoyed TH's visit. As BH and I walked home from dinner, I said TH brings a different energy to our house - in a good way. BH and I are both quiet, and TH is quiet, too, but still another person to interact with is pleasant. And TH makes the place better than when he arrived, an extra. Who wouldn't love that? Another pro for kids. I could not stop myself from trying to persuade him to move here when he is done with school.

Going to try to continue to put my nose to the grindstone for the next week.

back in black

going tomorrow to pick up my 11 year chip. this is a good time for me to go to a meeting because the twins are driving me up the wall with I don't knows and I don't cares. I know it is my problem and not theirs. my part is going to the hardware store for bread for the 10000th time. progress, not perfection.
having a nice time for the most part. got some work done on my diss. unfortunately for me, the sample is very low on ATOD use. good for the school district. although, I suspect there was some underreporting. boo.
this time 11 years ago I was on my way to a meeting. made a bad pit stop and ended up having a terrible night. so terrible that I had a moment of clarity. it always pleases me to hear that amazing things happen from terrible things.
I don't believe God micromanages every aspect of everyone's life 100% of the time, but I believe God was micromanaging my life that night. and I don't know why I received the Gift, but I am grateful I did.

in the sangre de christos (cristos)

excited because I swam my fastest 100 m free time yesterday in Santa Fe - 1:26 during a set of many, and I did it a couple of times. this is almost exactly the same as my freaky fastest 100 yd free time of 1:17 I did during the summer of love with JH and MD.
having a good time enjoying snow, getting up early, eating awesome food, and exercising. tomorrow morning I am going to get up a 4 am so I can go to the gym I like where the people are the ultimate hippies. last year I overheard a conversation in which the gym regulars were lamenting about using energy to "heat their wooden boxes", i.e. use gas to heat their houses. Brad and these folks are definite earth ship inhabitants. tomorrow we are off to Red River. no internets, but I am hoping to get some skiing in. I used to LOVE to ski. I went 2-3 times a year every winter. maybe now that I am not giving my money to IMNA, we can go again, sometime. there are few physical feelings sweeter than carving a beautiful S curve or hopping down moguls without falling down. sex, swimming fast for me, ok cuddling, soft blanket naps in the winter. those are about equal in pleasure. some high sensation seeking, some extremely low.

long time no write

1. Opposition to Walmart building at Northcross Mall.
Brad and I attended a meeting with 400 of our neighbors last night who concur.
Here is a letter you can send to Austin City Council authored by Brad. Impressive.

I am writing to voice my opposition to the proposed urban Walmart on the site of the current Northcross mall. As a ten-year resident of Austin, I support responsible, neighborhood-friendly growth at Northcross and throughout Austin. I appreciate all the work the mayor and the city council has done in recent years to foster quality development. The revitalization of downtown, the Mueller redevelopment, the Huntsman site, the Triangle development, and planned high density, transit-oriented sites are just a few examples of recent high-quality development that have enhanced the quality of life in Austin. The proposed 220,000 square foot urban Walmart, however, is incompatible with the shared vision Austinites have for their city

The proposed Northcross Walmart Supercenter would be the second largest development in central Texas. Only Ikea is larger. Ikea is located on I-35 on the outskirts of a suburban community. The proposed Northcross Walmart would be located in a semi-dense urban neighborhood unsuited for retail development of this scale. I understand Lincoln Properties’ site plan predicts no increase in local traffic while an independent analysis predicts a tripling of local traffic. This is absurd. On this basis alone, the development should be halted.

Austinties oppose Walmart because Walmart is bad for our neighborhood and bad for our world. Walmart has a long, documented history of:
- increasing local crime
- harming local businesses
- decreasing surround property values
- increasing traffic congestion
- reducing local employment
- suppressing local wages
- increasing dependence on city and state government services
- polluting
- illegally employing children
- destroying the middle class
- enabling the exploitation of the poor around the world

Please confirm that you will direct the city manager to suspend approval of the Northcross mall site plan.

More info at http://www.responsiblegrowthfornorthcross.org/blog/

2. Intramural meet was a success. Swim meet participants = high sensation seekers! The whole thing was very exciting. You wait for your event. You watch the other events. Your event = extremely exciting. It was a psychological victory, if nothing else. I did go 39 high for 50 breast which got me 5th place out of 10-11 20 year olds!

3. Stacy and Steve's wedding this weekend. It is going to be a romantic weekend getaway for us. I am looking forward to it. Our Thanksgiving 5 day vacation was also extremely pleasant and relaxing.
I am sure it is I who is less anxious or something, but as a couple, we are doing very well. It seems to me we are both trying hard.

4. Texas Invitational Swim meet continues this evening. If I am not too tired, I am going to go.

5. Coach Steve cancelled this morning's practice. I am going to ride my bike inside.

because 6. it's cold outside!!!

intra mural

don't call it intermural, please.
I am headed to the J, then am MAKING myself attend and participate in the intramural swim meet. 50 breast. this is the only event I speculate I will not lose by a lot.
my goal is not to come in last. I went off a starting block 3x yesterday for the first time in my life. all were successes. self-efficacy for going off starting block is high. I hope this will be a healing psychological experience as my first and only other swim meet experience was around age 9 or 10 and was unsuccessful. it was at SMU in the indoor pool. 3 things clenched my non-participation: starting gun, deep water, and starting block.
finished revising my proposal today. that was an early Christmas miracle. I had been making remarkably little progress really ever since the grant debacle.
now, on to the data!!!

flu=boo

I have diagnosed Brad with the flu. He had sudden onset of achy-ness and fever. He has been at home in bed all day. He won't take any vitamin C or fever reducer. I suppose fever is adaptive if one can stand the discomfort, but he is clearly in much discomfort. It is sad. I, selfishly, hope he has the flu for which I have been inoculated. I have had a flu shot for the past at least 10 years, so surely he has one of those. He clearly has the superior immune system, however, because he hardly ever gets sick. Apparently, this is one of the reasons I was initially attracted to him, and he to me, that we have very different immune systems, making for our super-Aryan babies. FREAKY. I read that in Getting the Love you Want by Harville Hendricks. That is an awesome book BTW. That being the part about the immune systems, not about the blonde-haired, blue-eyed breeding. Or possibly it was in How to be an Adult in Relationships or The Truth about Love. I am the only one of us who reads these books, however, I will take more than half the responsibility for our lack of communication skills. Well, sometimes. I have had lots of group therapy and regular therapy to learn the "language of feelings." But, the problem when one of you speaks French and the other speaks Japanese is obvious. Anyway, whoa, extreme tangent. But, I suppose I generally go from one non-sequitur to the next, don't I? ADD.
I have decided to sleep on the sofa. I wonder how it will go.
I had thought about, entertained the idea of, swimming 50 breast in the intramural meet. The best time I can remember off the wall in the short-course meter pool is 51. That is one of many, and not rested or anything. 2 week taper, right? haha This seems relatively fast to me. However, in converting to short-course yards, that would put me at around 45, which would put me in 15th place in 2004 (out of 15!) That seems extremely slow to me. I don't think I want to lose by that much. Additionally, I have never done a start off a starting block. I should take some courage from my former student who entered himself in 3 events, never having done a start, period, off the block or otherwise, including the 200 free. He thought he had come in 3rd or so, but instead, had lost count and had only swum 150 yards. After a lengthy conversation with the lane judge, he finished the last 50 at least a minute behind the last finisher. That was very brave. It is my last year of eligibility...

black celebration

bh and I received our first used, retro cd purchase. I have already imported it to his itunes and put it back for sale on amazon. it was one I wanted - depeche mode - black celebration. I was listening to this album over 20 years ago. that is freaky. I suppose it gets freakier the longer one hangs around. I listened to the tape on my sony walkman about 100 times while riding with gary, judy, and cynthia coffman all over Germany. depeche mode are, of course, english. so, when I started singing, coupled with the fact that rhett miller sang with an english accent, I assumed one was supposed to sing using an english accent. in particular, when I sang depeche mode 'somebody' at the talent show in 9th grade, wearing a homemade tie-dyed tee shirt, my blue ten-hole doctor martens, a jean mini-skirt, and my egalitarian skinhead haircut, I sang it with an English accent. and one more thing, I played my classical guitar and finger-picked it using the Travis pattern.
I ran this morning long by myself for the first time in a long time. I listened to the end of morning edition and car talk. that was amusing.
I swam a lot yesterday. 6000 meters. I am an addict. more more more.
happy to see the signs for ba ba ba barbara ann radnofski and ted ankrum all through Brikerwoods, Tarrytown, and Pemberton Heights. the rich folks in Austin are Democrats.
someone needs to let barbara ann know, however, that the beach boys song the announcer refers to in her commercial is not BAR BAR BAR BAR BARBARA ann. it's ba. ba ba ba ba barbr ann. fyi.

force of good

bh and I had a very interesting discussion last night about the state of the world. interesting that my dad recently tried to convince me of the same thing. we decided that essentially good does triumph over evil, and that the world is progressing to a more and more enlightened and peaceful state. there are however, regressions towards evil such as the dark ages, the crusades, Hitler, Islamists, many more, I am sure. we agreed that women's rights took approximately 1000 years, black rights took 100-300 years, give or take your region, so certainly gay rights will not take even that long. the stonewall riots were in the late 1960's. it is no longer a social taboo to be gay. there are certainly hate crimes based on sexual orientation, but these have fortunately become fewer and farther between, and there is federal and state level legislation set up to prosecute those crimes.
I posited that all change is catapulted by crisis, much as internal, individual change is. bh said maybe gay rights won't even take a crisis. most young people favor gay marriage and think it is really stupid to legislate oppression.
I think that I do become sad and angry about things that happen in the world. recently, some mf arsonist started that fire in CA. firefighters dead. incredibly sad. many sad events.
however, I think I am so self-centered that any unhappiness or depression I feel is merely from self-absorption, and not from feeling sad about the state of the world. I think feelings about the state of the world are a necessary burden that engage people to take action to change things. I can see that change is a very constructive use of anger and disgust. I think the only reason I have ever changed anything was due to a crisis on some level.
meanwhile, I am trying to walk in the correct direction and do the next right thing.
I waited in line to check out at HEB for a good 15 minutes. I had great victory over impatience and read People. I didn't know Jen and Vince were on the outs.

bonding

bh and I are bonding over the music of our youth. he downloaded a smiths album we have been listening to over and over. if we keep it up, however, we might reach clinical depression. ...let me let me get what I want, lord knows it would be the first time...
I also got out my records. it was cool to see them. we bought a little turntable to make mp3's from. very cool. sex pistols, depeche mode, violent femmes, the clash here we come.
I heard a musician interviewed the other day who mentioned that as music listeners we no longer have the visual stimuli records provided. she put pictures of herself dressed up in sexy outfits from the 1950's to address that void. still, cd pics are not nearly as cool as a big, fold-out record with all the liner notes, etc.
when cds came along, I never thought records would leave.
I was trying to remember college without a computer.
how did anyone ever write a dissertation??? they must have had 10-20 references instead of 100.
I am waitng on data from one more school. cannot make myself revise my actual proposal to reflect the changes. it's painful. I know I need to, I want to, I sit down, open it up, look at it, think about it, can't do it. tomorrow....
clients this afternoon 4-7, so I am going home for lunch, etc. yes, it's 1:20.

Chris Bell for Texas Governnor!

I am early voting for Chris Bell ASAP. He is eloquent, intelligent, and knows about state governmental processes. He is also pro-choice, anti-school voucher, pro-alternative energy. He is against gay marriage. Boo.
All the candidates are, however. I voted for him anyway and will bombard him with correspondence when he is elected.
#2 Civil rights and desegregation were once thought of as liberal ideas. I am now calling myself a moderate because the first step in making justice restorative, education effective, using stem cell research, gay marriage, alternative energy, women's rights, etc, etc, etc normative is viewing them as such.
This week, however, at the suggestion of dad, I am not listening to NPR.

don't feel like it

I don't feel like doing ANYTHING which is good because Marie called at 6:15 to tell me she was too tired to run. I was 10% bummed/90% relieved. I don't have clients until 12:30 due to Sukkot. therefore I went back to sleep until 8:30 am! I know, I have really turned back into a teenager. swam at gre yesterday morning with some friends who are former swim students. then, we ate bagels. it was fun. girl time. I walked/ran at Town Lake on Thursday with another new gf. I never want to go before I go, but I am always glad during and after that I went. my mom and I talked about this the other day. I almost never want to begin an activity, particularly social ones, but once I get there, I am glad I did. very weird that experience cannot change that thinking.
BH and I went on a fun top-secret mission yesterday. not yet accomplished, but making headway. we also went by to pick up his refurbished bike he built that he needed some help putting the chain on. it's neat. he spent a lot of time sanding it and putting it together. it had been sitting outside up against the fence for over a year. it was inspiring.
this week will be pretty short because I am headed to big D to visit the family and go to the fair on Thursday. it is my one fried food/year. corny dog! I don't think I am going for a caramel apple this year. I like them, but the last one I got was not very good. the ones at senor murpy's in sante fe are the best caramel apples of all time.
I didn't enjoy watching most of the game yesterday. as I mentioned watching the tech/a&m game, it is easier to want texas' rivals to lose than it is to watch texas try to win. the second half was more pleasurable. ga. that was a lot of interceptions. brad came up with the hypothesis that the reason why people immediately focus on the next game or championship, instead of resting on the laurels of today's accomplishments, is that they, too feel anxious during the game, that there may not be victory. that is my #2 pet peeve about sports commentators. my #1 is that football coaches, players, and commentators rarely use the word, "ball;" they almost always say, "football." no shit it's a football; we are watching a football game. just call it a ball. we know what kind of ball it is. ga.
we also went to HEB during the first part of the game. it was interesting to see who was there - the punk rock kids, women, and many more black people than one normally sees at that HEB. that HEB is dominated by students of all colors, Latino families, and very few black people. we overheard a conversation that reminded me of a story Steve told me when he worked at a Pawn shop.
A young woman came in to the Pawn shop and was looking at rings. she looked for a long time and said, incredulously, "ain't you got no rings without no diamonds?" Steve thought about it for a minute, and then said, "yes ma'am, that is correct."

avoidance

sick of tweaking my proposal.
went to steve's this morning. I kind of like not being chaffeur because I can stay as long as I want. water temp was PERFECT.
WU 200 Fr, 200 K, 400 Pu
6x50 Dr/Sw (Fly, Bk, Br) 2x on 1:10
6x50 EZ/fast Fr on 1:10

3x(3x50 desc 1-3 Fly, Bk, Br. 3 is all out and time it.) all on :15R
my Br was the fastest. FREAKY. I think I was about to cardiac arrest after 50 all-out fly at the end of 3 with :15R
each 3x50 followed by 300 EZ Fr. the slowest 300's of all time.

40x50 K
1-16=every 4th fast on :60
1-12=every 3rd fast on 1:05 on Bk
1-8=every other fast on 1:05
1-4=all fast on 1:05

CD 250 mix
back up to 5000 m. neat.

got a flu shot yesterday. not sore, really. was SUPER sleepy yesterday afternoon. could be unrelated. my eye is twitching indicating I am tired. I am going to veg tomorrow while I thoroughly enjoy watching the TXOU game.
going to seminar this afternoon. REALLY don't want to.
Brad REALLY didn't want to go to work today because everyone was complaining. I can relate. met with my 7 year old on Wednesday. it is cool. it is also cool not to have one with me all the time.