2 Cubed = 8

There's a thing he does with his bottom lip that could get him the car for the weekend whenever he wants.
The whole thing is unbelievably incredible, just like everyone says.
FYI "let down" in breast feeding is not bad; it's good. It takes several days to make milk after you give birth.

This Saturday - Feb 2!

Having a person

I rode my bike inside this morning and read about half of the Supernanny's book. While I was reading, it occurred to me that we are not having a baby, we are having a person. We made a person who is going to be living with us for at least the next 18 years. And I had thought that we should quickly try to make another one to give him a friend, but at this point, I think he's just going to be lonesome. Not really, but geez, I am starting to freak out, again.

The main thing Supernanny stresses is stay calm during your consistent presentation of the world and its limits. I think this will be very challenging. It is hard to remember, even with adults, that they are not doing it to me, they are just doing it. I also think my new year's resolution of staying in the present is not going to be challenging, because babies need your immediate and present attention. There is no ADD jumping from task to task as usual.

I put together the swing and playpen/bassinet. I had to call the swing tech support 2x. Both women I got on the phone acted like I was really stupid. While I felt stupid, the instruction manual was not very instructional, so I had to call for help. The playpen thing was much easier.
The last thing to install is the car seat. I am glad it looks assembled, though I know putting in the car will be much harder than one would think.

I am really looking forward to this being my last week of swimteam for a while. I hope I become delighted, again, after my hormones calm down. I haven't been delighted by them in a LONG time. I do remember being delighted quite a bit by my Canyon Creek kids. In fact, it was there I entertained the idea of having one of our own. I assume the genetic thing will make it easy to be delighted by Hank. It has always seemed very narcissistic to me to breed. But, the physiological and physical similarities between you and your mate neccessarily and adaptively make it easy to love the kid. If the kid looked nothing like either of you, it would take a lot of magnanimous generosity to be as delighted by him as you would be someone who looks like you. TZ could do it.

I filled out a lot of Hank's baby book. I am sure he will not be interested in it at any point, but I will be, and his wife (or husband) might be.

Headed to pajamas and David Sedaris.

Detach with love

BH came home for lunch yesterday because I was having a hormonal meltdown. It was very sweet.
He can detach with love or possibly indifference from his work. I know the swim team is an opportunity for me to practice for the ultimate challenge. I realized yesterday I do want my child to answer or pay some sort of attention after his name is called once. I do not think I will drop him off at swim team until he is at least in middle school, and even then, I don't think I will routinely drop him off. I also don't think I will take my 6 year old to swim practice outdoors when the outdoor temperature is below 70 or the water is below 79. The little kids actually didn't drive me as buggy as the big kids did, yesterday. BH told me when they were given a track workout of 6x400, they would want to do 10x400 because they thought that would make them faster. Isn't that the goal??? Most of the big kids try to talk me down like it's an auction. I made the mistake of doing it once, so part of that is my fault. Meanwhile, Steve and I have both given several inspirational talks. It's actually not the whole team. It's the boys that whine like little girls. The middle school kids asks if what is next is going home. I say, "Yes, you can always go home. I don't have a gun." I also have been ignoring the questions: Is this set hard? Is this the last thing? What time is it? What time do we get out?
There may be others. It would never occur to me at any age to question my coach in activity I wanted to do. I remember telling the gymnastics coach I was afraid, but I let him talk me into trying. I don't know. I do know the problem is me, and I need to let it go. Do what I can, and let it go.
I have many thank you notes to write on Hank's behalf. I am very grateful his room is setup enough so that he has a place to sleep, eat, and get cleaned up.

I am extremely hormonal.
I read a lot more of the Bradley book this morning.
I am ready to get the show on the road.

More naked peeps

I like this lady except for her possible resemblance to me at age 50.












Skeleton Lady













The infamous Spencer. Everyone's drawings of him looked pretty much the same - a rock with arms and legs.













I forget what the orange oil-crayons are called, but this one turned out kind of neat.










Collage

Name the speaker

"I am the decider. I decide."

Here's a pic around 30-31 weeks.
I am now 34 weeks. WHOA.

indigent dogs

Small dogs + poodles are the best. Poodles are ugly and snooty, but add them to a cute, small dog and they are awesome. They hardly shed, and they are smart. If you know about an indigent dog, let me know because I don't think Brad would let a dog die in the cold, harsh winter of Austin, TX.

Pomeranian + Poodle = Pomapoo
Papillon + Poodle = Papapoo
Shiz Tsu + Poodle = Shipoo
Yorkie + Poodle = Yorkiepoo
Bichon Frisé +Poodle = Poochon.
Chihuahua + Poodle = Chipoo.
These combos are all 4-8 lb dogs. How much mess could an 8 lb dog possibly make? The cat weighs 14. Brad weighs 150. I think I am currently holding at 159.

Bichon Frisés + tiny dogs are also good because they also hardly shed.
Same for Miniature Schnauzers, but I haven't seen a cute combo with a schnauzer, yet.
Cocker Spaniels are the final low-shed breed, but they are too big for me.

Helen's dog is a paperanian. I didn't notice any stray hairs anywhere in the house, but I think both poms and paps do shed some. But, again, she weighed 5-6 lbs. Her poop was the size of a tootsie roll.

I am extremely hormonal. And, consequently, am still very upset that I only have a 49% vote on the dog. C'est la vie, je suppose. Si triste.

I wanna dog

There was a "song" in Sid and Nancy sung by this yahoo who was trying to pitch a song to Johnny Rotten. The lyrics were, "I wanna job. I wanna job. I wanna good job. I wanna job. I wanna job. I wanna job that pays. I wanna job. I wanna real job - one that satisfies my artistic needs."
Totally random, but that song keeps popping up when I think about a DOG.

Got a lot done yesterday. Took pics of old artwork. When you spend 8 hours+/week drawing naked people, you end up with a lot of drawings of naked people. I like these 2.

I STILL WANT A DOG

Ready

to be able to lie on my back.
for Steve to be back. I was kind of enjoying coaching the whole team, but today I felt pretty exasperated at 2:30 pm after being at the pool since 5:15 am.
to not have a baby poking me in the ribs.
to be over my stuffy nose and sleep in the same room as Brad, again. Poor Brad, sleeping with Archie Bunker must be unpleasant.

This morning it was in the low 20's. I actually have been a LOT colder at the pool before. Today there was no wind, and the water was 81-2˙, which was AWESOME. I am loving swimming, which is good because it's the only PA I am doing.

Resolve to be present, not rush through one task to get to the next.
Carry over resolutions: you can't take it with you, and love and tolerance is our code.

Selling off a lot of my record collection. Surprisingly, many LPs go for $10-200 on Amazon. I was fairly shocked by the variety of punk rock and new wave records listed for sale and the prices they are going for. I listed them all yesterday, and have already sold 4 at a little over $12 a piece. I had to buy $50 worth of shipping supplies, but after these records go, I'll be in the black. I haven't begun to list my rare Sex Pistols collection or some picture disks that did not show up in Amazon's listing.

2 more days without Coach Steve. I think I can handle it, but I also think I am going to bed about 7.

- 4˙ F

I was going to walk over to the gym this morning to see my favorite hippie Taoseños, (I guess that is redundant) but it's -4˙F, and I don't feel like it.

I have swum everyday since Monday. That is good enough for a pregnant lady. I imagine we will stop around Amarillo today, and our favorite motel in Amarillo has a workout room.
On Tuesday at the Genoveva Chavez Community Center pool, it was set up as long course - 50 m. I was reminiscing about one of the first times, if not the first, that I swam over 3000 m in the UT pool when it was set up long course. It was with BM. The thing I remember was we did a set of descending 300's, which I thought sounded impossible and too hard. But, we did it. That was neat.

Yesterday, I didn't feel as perky in the pool, but I had swum 4000 yds the day before, etc, and it was the middle of the day. I do so much better when I exercise first thing in the morning. I hope Hank lets me do that.

He moves around a lot especially when I am still - sitting for a while or lying down to sleep! I asked Brad and my mom if that meant he was going to move around all the time when he moves out. They didn't know.

I have had such a relaxing time this week. I think my mom has, too. The only time I really can relax is in a motel. There is nothing to clean; I am not reminded of my to do list (even though I did get a few things on it done, here). I didn't send out Christmas cards. Merry Christmas, everyone! I LOVE being in a motel, watching their cable, exercising, rambling on the internets, eating every once in a while, getting out only to do something fun. I cannot ever reach this level of relaxation at home. Yes, I take naps, yes, I fart around, but I have a lingering guilt that spoils it. I guess I really need to work on that for 2008. Being present and just enjoying the moment. That is what I am able to do on vacation.

I was worried about missing Brad too much because it seems like the oxytocin is going nuts making me want to be with him every second of the day, but I didn't. Just kidding. It was like ripping off a bandaid - a big bandaid over a hairy arm or something. It was painful to separate, but I haven't been crying over missing him the whole time we've been gone. I am enjoying Lana's company. It also helped we had a gorgeous view of Wheeler Peak outside our window - we didn't always have to get out in the -4˙ to enjoy the mountains.

It looks like the ice on the roads will melt today, and we will have fairly smooth sailing. Last year a lot of folks got stuck in the panhandle - in their cars or in a motel in Lubbock. Now, I don't know if I could relax quite as much in a flea bag motel in Lubbock. There is a nice Comfort Inn Heather and James and I stayed in once, however.

My mom keeps talking about bringing 10 month old Hank here next year. I am not so sure about that one.
I wonder if Brad and I can take Hank on our 14ers quest over the next few years. Weighing Brad down with 30-50 pounds of Baby Bjorn would certainly make it easier to keep up with him. Maybe not, though, he adapts quickly to training stimuli.

I hope you all have relaxing holidays. I am going to enjoy the spirit of my family members and try to bring joy while not trying to control the outcome.
Those are good resolutions - be present, bring joy, and let go of the outcome. What an order!

Hey, today I am 12! DUHHHH!!!!!! December 23, 1995. Hello! Thank God and the Universe for my sanity and continuous sobriety. Life certainly is so much better and so much different than I ever could have dreamed. I never thought I would go to graduate school (much less graduate), be a recreational athlete, marry the best husband in the world, and have a son. I couldn't imagine life without alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, and debauchery. I was always seeking an always elusive fun. I can honestly say it was so rarely fun, even though I told myself I was out to have fun. Yes, I may have laughed with friends, but it was with a panic of never being present. Wow. I couldn't have planned this. I was headed for an early sex, drugs, and rock n roll end. I can't even articulate how grateful I am. Someday, I will revisit rock n roll for good and not to an end. I hope Hank doesn't say "aw, Mom" until he's at least 12 or so when I break out the Bob Dylan and Replacements covers.

snow delay

Staying one more night in Taos due to the snow we got yesterday. About 6". It's pretty spectacular. We are having a very relaxing time. I have swum everyday, and I finally don't feel like a slug in the water. Even at 8000 feet.
I have made friends at the pool, too: A urologist who works at the hospital whose best marathon time was Boston in 2:32. And a mom who swam all the way through her pregnancy.

Last night we had an AWESOME dinner at Lambert's. We split a salad and an entreé. It was unbelievably awesome.

I wish I could ski today because it would be awesome up there, but probably not a good idea. Plus, Taos just caved and after years of fighting and finally allowed snow-boarders. Boo! Taos is not good for snow-boarders. If they are going to allow them, they need to make them a special area to keep them away from the skiers.

Feeling a lot better, physically. I have only taken 2 naps the whole time we've been here. Just still eating tums like candy and my fiber pills.

a couple pics

nothing new

As requested, I will try to get a pic of BH at 31 weeks. I will get him to take one of me, too. It's hard to put on shoes, now. It just feels like you can't breath very well. And, I get to enjoy food I ate hours ago again and again.

We went to Coach Steve's last night to watch the Patriots with the Natl team. We had a nice time. I ate a concoction of Steve's that was very good, and I can no longer chastise him for killing the bird of peace - a chunk of dove meat, a slice of jalapeño, a dab of cream cheese, all wrapped in a small piece of bacon. He made them and grilled them outside. It was pretty awesome. However, I did experience the retasting phenomenon for several hours later. It was worth it.
We didn't watch the game - partly because the TV area was full of swimmers and partly because we were talking with Steve and his wife about the Bradley childbirth method. I did not know that only 1% of mothers today opt for natural childbirth. Well, I guess more opt for it, but opt out once it starts happening. Coleen said she has a high pain threshold, and she said it was worth it - FOUR times. I have a very low pain threshold. She did tempt me more, however, with what follows birth - the baby and you are totally alert, and you feel awesome. I imagine it's even better than a successful marathon high. Those are better than any drug you can buy, so maybe that's why they decided on 3 more kids. I need to stop harassing Brad about reading the book. Yes, it's called husband-coached childbirth, but I think he feels overwhelmed by other things.

BH redid the windows in Hank's room with new trim and touched up all the paint on the walls. It looks very good. I am ready to put everything back in its place now, however. He told me to close the door and pretend it was. I didn't tell him that that was an unhelpful "male" response. I didn't want an alternate solution, I just wanted to be heard - a "female" desire. (I had volunteered to put everything back, myself, I just needed to know the one area he still wanted to paint because I didn't see it.)
I ramble.

This week I plan to get at least some of the things on my Getting Things Done list done. Last week was not very productive, but it was also not dark at all. I started letting Rockit sleep with us after Brad vetoed the dog. He has been a tempting nap companion. Good thing he sleeps over 18 hours a day. Just like me. Not quite.

Sunday LM and I leave for NM for a week. I bought support hose for the car ride. Geez, those things are hard to put on especially when you can't bend at the waist. However, they are VERY sexy.

what's not to love

She weighs 6 pounds.
I got vetoed on getting one, however. Very sad.

have to go home

Our stay at Chateau Vue Incroyable/Chienne Mignone ends today. I love staying in hotels and in other people's houses. It is the only time I ever feel completely relaxed. I spent way too long searching for Paperanians to adopt yesterday. As much as I believe in adoption, (of dogs and kids. Hey, we'll get there) Chewy is so close to the perfect dog, I would consider a puppy from a breeder. Now, you know what to get me for Christmas!!!
I did get some work done on my paper this week. (I am supposed to be done by last Friday, but classes don't end until next Friday, so that will be OK.) The Best Times Meet went well. Some best times and great swimming. And, it was over EARLY. Awesome.
I am really glad we only have one more week of school. This semester was harder than when I was taking classes. I had good batches of kids for the most part, I just had a really hard time showing up. Not normal for me. This too shall pass.
Bummed OK beat MO. Now, I don't care about any of the teams in the running for big bowls.

note to self

If you wake a paperanian (pomeranian/papillon) up at 5 am for 4 days in a row, she will want to get up at 5 am on the 5th day, also. She is unbelievably cute. And, Brad loves her, so I think the probability of Hodgkinson dog is now 1%.

Still good = very cool

I like Robert Earl Keen, but I don't like the song that goes "feels so good feeling good, again." BUT, it does! I have felt like myself + nap times since TG. I also feel pleased and satisfied with the current organization of the house. We moved my desk out of Hank's room, Brad painted the china cabinet, Lana made really cute curtains, and except for the mattress, the room is ready for a baby!!!
I think I can go to work - all the jobs - everyday this week. I will start with today, but I am optimistic.
I even made progress on my part of the manuscript I am working on. Whoa.
I get to dog sit for a REALLY cute dog this week. I will try to take a pic.
Bad bowl news for TX, but the women's soccer won their national championships, and volleyball is seeded #1 in their NCAA championship games.