Saturday, April 18, 2009
went to my On2 class at noon. wasn't feeling too into it, but reasonably content. while dancing I had a sudden onset of sadness. I thought I was going to cry in class. no reason, other than hormones. I do view female sex hormones as a Gift and evolutionarily adaptive (except the cramps. Jesus!) However, I don't know why the sudden extreme sadness. I would have thought I could dance my way out of it, but it wouldn't go away. I left before the partner work part. I also really didn't want to dance with the guy with extremely sweaty hands. I almost snuck out undetected, but DID asked me where and why I was going. I stage whispered "woman things." there were 5 people standing there all staring at me once he asked. I assume he will assume I meant cramps. I am not having any cramps. Just this weird brick of sad. Brad picked me up and took me to Whole Foods. very sweet. HH is at nana & poppa's for the first time in a couple of weeks. Brad is going to take a nap. I would like to, too. I'm not sleepy, now, though.
this month I haven't taken any pregnancy tests, yet. last month I probably took about 8. the problem was, there were at least 3 that didn't work. they would neither confirm nor deny if I was pregnant. we only put 1 bullet in the chamber this time, so I am sure I am not. last time we worked diligently for several days, so I was sure I was.
last night went to salsa and merengue. merengue was fun. not so many hard and fast rules, it doesn't seem. and I kind of snuck in to merengue 2 because I didn't go to any merengue 1. I know, it's scandalous. but I did fine.
I don't feel like dancing at ALL right now, and I wondered if I could get my money back for showcase. I know this too shall pass, but I think it will never pass. even after many many many times of feeling ____ and it always feels like it will last forever, and it never does.