Saturday, April 18, 2009

sad attack

went to my On2 class at noon.  wasn't feeling too into it, but reasonably content.  while dancing I had a sudden onset of sadness.  I thought I was going to cry in class.  no reason, other than hormones.  I do view female sex hormones as a Gift and evolutionarily adaptive (except the cramps.  Jesus!)  However, I don't know why the sudden extreme sadness.  I would have thought I could dance my way out of it, but it wouldn't go away.  I left before the partner work part.  I also really didn't want to dance with the guy with extremely sweaty hands.  I almost snuck out undetected, but DID asked me where and why I was going.  I stage whispered "woman things."  there were 5 people standing there all staring at me once he asked.  I assume he will assume I meant cramps.  I am not having any cramps.  Just this weird brick of sad.  Brad picked me up and took me to Whole Foods.  very sweet.  HH is at nana & poppa's for the first time in a couple of weeks.  Brad is going to take a nap.  I would like to, too.  I'm not sleepy, now, though.
this month I haven't taken any pregnancy tests, yet.  last month I probably took about 8.  the problem was, there were at least 3 that didn't work.  they would neither confirm nor deny if I was pregnant.  we only put 1 bullet in the chamber this time, so I am sure I am not.  last time we worked diligently for several days, so I was sure I was.
last night went to salsa and merengue.  merengue was fun.  not so many hard and fast rules, it doesn't seem.  and I kind of snuck in to merengue 2 because I didn't go to any merengue 1.  I know, it's scandalous.  but I did fine.
I don't feel like dancing at ALL right now, and I wondered if I could get my money back for showcase.  I know this too shall pass, but I think it will never pass.  even after many many many times of feeling ____ and it always feels like it will last forever, and it never does.

1 comment:

Justin said...

Did the pregnancy tests that would "neither confirm nor deny" that you were/weren't pregnant happen to be manufactured by a therapist with the initials PA?