gay terrorists

read about the national gay marriage ban/flag burning amendment - in the interest of securing our nation's values. SO many problems with this. if you want to secure the sanctity of marriage, execution for people who get divorced. number 2) all those boy scouts who burn old flags as a service to us will go to prison, now. why are we moving backwards on civil rights, freedom of speech, not to mention world peace? is it not 2006?

had a good long weekend. lots of house projects progress. leisurely ride with bh, yesterday. awesome. running easy with marie this morning as she DOMINATED her age group and the masters' age group at cap tex yesterday. we got to sleep a little late, today.

have my regular work day of clients today. 8 hours. it's not too bad broken into 2 halves.

voters

the same cuckoos who elected GWB must have called in and voted on American Idol this year.
I reiterate that Elliot Yamin is awesome and by FAR the best vocalist on all 5 seasons of the show. I have watched at least 20 minutes of each season. this season I saw quite a few. Elliot was awesome on the Burt Bacharach medley of the finale.
at least the girl was hot. the guy that won, can't sing, is a goob, and is nc (not cute).
possibly one of the darker moments in American history.

good news is I got subjects for my diss study!!!
it's a secret, I guess. now, all I need is IRB approval, do the pilot, and present to my committee. that's it.

crack

happy bday, TH!!!

last week coach steve kept asking me if we were staying on the intervals he gave us. I kept saying yes. then I said I always stay on them unless you go crazy. there was a crazy kick set shortly after that.
today, more craziness. I said we needed to get the crack out of steve's coffee. I am not sure he knew what I meant.

WU 300 fr/dr/fr/kk on 6:30 no fins. yeah, came in at 6:45 on the first one and 6:5x on the second. drilling & kicking with no fins during warm up = extremely slow.

12x50 kk (on :60 desc 1-3, 4=3 pace, 5 ez, 6 all out. x 2)
200 ez swim

3x(3x50 on :50, 1x100 on 1:50, 4x50 on 1:30 coming in at :45). first 50 was :47 - as fast as I have ever gone. slowest was :52 which would be WAY over the interval. most were :50 which is NO rest. I think he forgot the pool was 25m or possibly forgot who marie and I were.
250 ez swim

2x(3x100 on 1:45, 2x100 on 1:50, 1x100 on 1:45 pull). totally doable. he said that was not the right answer. ?

12x50 kk (1-3 on :70 at :45, 4 ez, 5-6 on :50 at :40 x 2)
CD 150 ez
=5000 m. tired.

I lifted weights yesterday, too, so I can't lift my arms very well right now.
there was a cuckoo at the j yesterday. I figured he must have ptsd from wwII pacific front. doesn't really give him an excuse to be a total asshole, though.
got lots done on monday. hoping to repeat.
thinking about how to seriously relax this weekend. I think we should start by sleeping in on monday. whoa.

bummer

spurs lost. duncan had career high 41 points. what else can you do?
dreamed I was going to be working at cvs a few shifts a week. the only good thing was Neil Walker was also going to be working there, and also right outside was the ocean, so you could swim on your 2-5 minute breaks - in a 5 hour shift.
yeah, weird. he hadn't told everyone about his gold medals, yet. he just told them he had been a mahogany salesman for the past 4 years and was really advancing in the company.
getting ready to run at the track with marie. trying to get some coffee working.

resting

ONLY swam 3000 this morning. Felt like going home and taking a nap after my clients this morning, but instead went to Steve's. He took pity on me and didn't kill me. Dr. B asked me if I was training for 2008. That was a good one. I guess not, now.
Tried to do my own thing and relax this weekend with minimal success. Did make it to a meeting in the other room. Finally, a good meeting!!! The topic was detaching. Wow. I shared. Now, how to apply it really life.
Speaking of application. At my office today. Blindly stumbling through SPSS. It is funny how all those stats classes really don't help at all with actual data. Maybe funny is the wrong word. This SEM class is supposed to be applied, so I hope I can learn how to do it. If only I had some subjects from which to collect data and apply it.

GO, SPURS!!!

#2 Elliot Yamin is the best singer American Idol has ever had. Versatile, doesn't over sing, beautiful timbre. As if Debbie Gibson having the number 1 album in the US wasn't proof enough that we, as Americans, have TERRIBLE taste.
Just discovered Michael Bublé. Whoa. Hot and a gorgeous voice. Better than Harry Connick because he puts modern intonations on those standards. He is already super popular in Canada, Europe, and Australia. Well, at least the Beatles caught on here. OK, off to swim at Barton. Trying to get some coffee in me because last week I had to take a mid-swim bathroom break. It is really hard to get a wet wetsuit back on, FYI.

immigration

I guess W got out of taking American history at Yale. Has he completely forgotten that every person who came to this country for all intents and purposes immigrated? We stole this land from the Indians by brute force. Brought other immigrants over by brute force, and now we are talking about building a fence, wasting more money on national guard troops. Although the rest of the world prohibits us from emigrating away, we, of all countries, should let anyone who wants to, come here. Did you see the SNL skit with Al Gore? He bugged me, but the skit is funny. I heard Ira Glass ragging on Kerry. Kerry was not wishy washy. Intelligent humans who form an opinion based on information often change their their minds based on new information. Ga.

in your face

I don't know to whom I would say in your face, exactly, but I got the evaluations from my aerobics classes, and I just want to say, "in your face."
3. The instructor provides modifications/options for exercise
• she is very very good and precise in her instruction
• she also asks who has what type of injury, then streamlines exercises for those people.

4. Adequate safety and alignment cues are given throughout the class?
• Meredith is one of the few instructors that does this.
• very strong at this.

7. The class is well organized and flows smoothly
• very streamlined and focused

12. Overall instruction provided by this instructor
• Meredith is awesome as well!

Although I think I do a good job, it never gets old being told you are "awesome."
Just wanted to toot the horn a little bit.
Toot!

sleepy

slept until 6:45 today! yes, it was similar to a teenager. I was supposed to swim, but I think I am going to ride inside easy and watch some er. did you know er is on at 3 pm weekdays? I have been taping it this week.
found an AWESOME website the college of engineering puts up that designs web surveys for you. it was like discovering the wheel yesterday. I think I will do another exercise dependence survey online. surely I can get all those tri geeks to fill it out for me. I thought about an incentive drawing. any ideas? maybe a jack and adam's gift certificate.
saw my pt yesterday. she wants me to try to quit sticking my butt out. it's funny. I did leg press on tuesday, 3x12@ 300 lbs. but, I can't sit down and stand up without over-arching my back. well, I can, but I was sweating doing it. I do keep my belly button pulled in when I do leg press, but I guess it is different. so one of my new exercises is body weight squats keeping my spine in neutral. I always thought I just had a little sista in me. I can't dance, but I can feel the 2 and the 4.
feeling better about the rec sports thing. it is always better to sleep on things. ALWAYS. 24 hour rule. yesterday I was angry and hurt. today, I just feel a little bummed.
brad and I did our really fun thing. it was fun for me. got some insight. oddly, it was a big epiphany about why I am the way I am. I think this is a good jumping off place, but not the end. yes, it is very helpful to know WHY I am the way I am, but the main thing is to heal, and to learn HOW TO DO IT DIFFERENTLY. I feel hopeful I can and we can.
off to enjoy a little george clooney.

reframing

supposed to meet with a professor today. I guess he forgot. went up to his office, not there. emailed, no response.
the upside is that it got me up to school. here I am in my office working hard on my blog, organizing my desk, and checking email. (I did get some real work done, too.)
irritated with rec sports. I religiously attended the required cont ed meetings for 3 years. I didn't go this spring because I finally decided to break away in the fall. now, the requirement is supposedly semester by semester, not year by year. so, I will not be subbing there this summer. mother had a spiritual spin to view it as a gift. it's just one of those "I'm not fired, I quit" kind of things. I guess that's the root. e g o. and feeling a little underappreciated. I did an awesome job for them for 3 years, and to say goodbye, they sent me an email saying I would not be back in the fall. anyway, it's dumb. I just thought writing it down might remove it from my head. out out darn spot.

think I should do another exercise dependence study with a couple of different scales. could have run this by the professor who wasn't there. definitely going to use scantron this time!

swam 5000m again this morning. now, I don't want to do anything other than 5000m
the main set was pretty good.
WU 300 fr/dr/fr
400 frkk/bkkk x 50's fins
6x100 pull last 25 build on 2:00

I. 5x(2x100 on 2:10. 200 fast on 4:00). I was happy my 200's were around 3:20. that is fast for me.
II. 3x(3x50 kk desc 1-3 on :60, 2x25 ez kk on :40, 3x50 all out on 1:30)

CD 400 IM dr/sw by 25's
250 pull (the extra 50 was my idea. who could swim 4950? not mr. monk!)

headed to pt this afternoon. fib feels good today. point 4 on a 1 to 10 scale of pain. I just BARELY notice it's there. brad and I are doing something fun, too. sore from lifting weights yesterday. I was happy I could do dips. that was neat.
this morning I was thinking about the movie the life of brian - the song at the end. if jesus can sing "always look on the bright side of life" while being crucified, surely I can get my attitude together. my default prompts are "what about me?" and "this sucks." reprogramming is ongoing.

meant to put this one up last week. I liked it and not too tough. gre outdoors chlorine is screwy. felt itchy and burning on skin when I got out. boo.

WU 400 Fr
300 K
500 Pu
200 Dr

I.200 Fr
4x100 IM
300 Fr
6x75 fly/bk/br
400 Fr
9x50 IMR
500 Fr

II. 3x150 Pu desc 1-3

CD 300 EZK
200 EZ Fr
=5000 yds

got to 22000 m last week. awesome. running SOME. it is hard to not do what I CAN do versus what I SHOULD do. ran some with marie this morning on the track. it was no problem to run pretty fast, but now my fib is a little achy, and a new little irritation emerged in the front of my hip. lateral hip feels fine, though, so maybe that's progress. still loving swimming a lot. I feel like a swimmer. funny.
trying to get things done around the house and RELAX. this is challenging. my brain. not motiviated to do some things that have been waiting for me to do around the house all semester, yet I have a hard time sitting still and/or just being. this morning I tried to think of things i LIKE to do. I like to have a really clean house, and I like to be organized. no, those are not things I like to do, but I am willing to use a means to get to an ends. therefore, the workout post, and cleaning off my home desk.
going to the other room some. I know how to detach in anger and frustration. I have no idea how to detach with love. except maybe from my grandmother, or someone I love who doesn't have a strong emotional attachment.
one of my clients helped me realize all my women friends are very self-sufficient. very interesting. I want the fruits of those relationships, so I know I need to cultivate them. those are places of safety and comfort. where to get my needs met. I have a hard time discerning what is a reasonable expectation and what is crazy. then, the next step is to know that just because it is reasonable doesn't mean that it will be met by one person, or one person in particular.
it is funny how when I dodge growth opportunities they do go away for a while, then they come back. I thought I had already figured out what Meredith likes and what her core values are, what she is willing to live with and what she isn't. this one I didn't dodge, but ironically has reemerged on a new level. things to seek God about.
if life were eating cake all day, I wouldn't need God's help. easy to remember sitting at the computer.
lots of clients today. tomorrow back to school.

on my way to 21000m

took justin to swimming and cdl for his burfday. didn't know you could eat vegetables for breakfast. they were good. we couldn't figure out exactly what kind of "milk" was with the oatmeal. they definitely don't drink real milk.
WU 300 fr, 300 kk

2x(3x25 catch up regular, 3x25 catch up from shoulder, 1x75 catch up from elbow - most like swimming)

I. 3x300 dec 1-3 on 6:30 - this was over a minute rest even on the 1
2x50 ez on 1:15
3x200 all out on 6:00 - this was also tons of rest. steve said go fast
2x50 ez on 1:15
3x300 desc 1-3 same

2x(3x100 kk desc 1-3 :10R, 50 ez, 3x50 desc 1-3)

CD 300 pu, 100 IM

if I swim 3500 yds tomorrow, 5m on friday, and at barton sat I will be at all time high.

walked/ran yesterday. seriously got my speed walk on. ant tibs are SORE. no leg pain by fibula, though.
going to shoot for tomorrow, but not if I can't dorsiflex my feet.

turn down the heater

did I sleep through spring? it is seriously hot outside. I taught coached swim at noon. I was the only one trying to get away from the sun. it's funny how after it's too late people try to protect their skin from the sun. my oldest triathlete was wearing sunscreen at our 6:30 am workout the other morning. it was cute. her skin looks great, though.
definitely going to have to do some reforestation. gave my 20 copies of my revisions to irb. I told the person I gave it to my proposal was about the destruction of the giant sequoia. he didn't think it was funny. the box was kind of sweaty, so maybe that's why he wasn't smiling.
thanks to help from dr miller made some serious progress in spss. now I just need to figure out exactly what procedure I want to use. it's interesting how easily that proposal got by irb when I had NO IDEA what I was doing. now that I do, they are micromanaging me. boo.
ran this morning at the same time marie ran. 5 min on/10 min off. I got some serious power walking in. leg and everything felt great during. I notice it, now, but on a 1-10 pain scale it's barely a 1. I just notice it. of course, the injury recovery schedule I found said do (10 walk/5 run)x2 and I did x4. I know, but I had already run some, so I wasn't really starting from scratch. going to swim at coach steve's in the morning. swimming outside at gre on thursday. then back at coach steve's on friday. if barton is open, supposed to go early on saturday. I am getting my IM on, again. finally I have a granny fly, again. I had lost it briefly.
well, I am going to head home and change out of this sweaty outfit into a different one.

quiet

it is great on campus today. quiet, cool outside, peaceful.
swam at gre outdoors with john.

WU 300 fr/300 kk/300 pu
4x75 fr/dr/fr
4x50 dr/fr
4x25 fr

I. 3x200 IM
300 pu
3x50 kk

2x200 IM
200 pu
2x50 kk

200 IM
100 pu
1x50 kk

CD 200 kk
200 IM ez

=4000 yds
the water was hot!!!
messing around with spss today. going to pt later. brad and I walked at the lake yesterday. I watched the second half of the spurs game and fell asleep. last night brad said he didn't realize he was married to a man. haha. a gay man trapped in a woman's body.

ups and downs

better today. played with spss a little this afternoon. entered grades. swam at the tsc this evening due to storm this morning. got up at 4:30. checked the radar. another one coming. back to bed.
lana left this afternoon. it's funny the way we both have separation anxiety. got to see my bf neil walker at the tsc. I gave him another b&m wedding water bottle to give to his wife. funny. I should give him some to give to his other Olympic gold medalist friends.
it was nice swimming for about an hour, then the governor (splashy mcsplasherstiff) got in next to me, and other people split with me. I am normally fine with splitting, but I was in the middle of a challenging set with a lot of fly. I tried to be nice eventhough I didn't feel nice. I wish I could tell the governor I have democrat tatooed on my left ventricle.
going to swim at barton in the morning with marie and justin. it was open today, so if it's not stormy in the morning we should be good to go. definitely going to a meeting in the other room tomorrow. the other thing I need to work on is on page 69 of my book (the 3rd edition).

WU 300 fr
300 k with fins fr/fly/bk
300 pu
8x75 fr/dr/fr

main set I got off mvm.org
building a 200 IM:
25 fly
50 fly
50 fly/25 bk
50 fly/50 back
50 fly/50 bk/25 br
etc up to 200 IM. it said :15R between each, but I took closer to :20 on most of those long ones.
:60R

then back down but thank God not all those 50 flys, again
200 IM
25 fly/50 bk/50 br/50 fr
50 bk/50 br/50 fr
25 bk/50 br/50
all the way down to 25 fr

there was another main set, but I was pooped.
cd was 300 k, 100 IM ez, 100 fr ez
=3700

ugh. sad

I am sad today. don't know why. maybe combo of mother leaving, classes over, brad is 100 million miles away. I liked these classes ok, but I think if I want to keep in touch with anyone, I will. there are a couple or three people. I feel like I was a spaz with my classes this semester. I guess I freak about all change. yet, I also get bored. trying to get in a place of graitude. there have been a lot of deaths around here lately. not people I knew, but once or twice removed. thank God we all have our health and some of us have our sanity. I guess most of the time I am fairly sane. I played water polo with my 2nd triathlon class. it was challenging and fun. it was funny though, because I didn't call turnover on touching the ball with two hands. the woman who was reffing while I was playing called it on everyone including me. it is hard not to do. I cannot do that egg beater kick, either. guess I need to practice. that is the first time I have ever played after teaching swimming for 4 years. I have really made a lot of progress in my swimming and teaching skills over the years. that is good.
get to go swimming in the morning if a tornado doesn't hit us tonight.

ga

I was feeling sorry for myself yesterday! Feeling more hopeful today. NPR is the great grateful maker.
Have you heard Steven Colberts' speech to WH press dinner? It was pretty awesome. Had a great and challenging swim this morning. 5200m!

WU 300 fr/kk by 50's with fins
300 pu
3x100 fr desc 1-3

4x[4x100 fast :20R, 2x50 ez :10R]
(All were around 1:38-9. That was good for me. We circled.)

100 IM
2x50 fly/fr
200 IM
4x50 bk/fr
400 IM
6x50 br/fr
(400 IM was slow, but not the slowest of all time. Not telling the time!!!)

400 pu ez

8x50 odds ez/build, evens ez/fast
200 ez

balance

I can see, now that I am coming out of the fog of the semester, once again, that I keep myself busy so that I don't feel my feelings. I think that I used to drink over being lonesome. I know I did. I see that I teach aerobics, have clients, teach swimming, teach triathlon class, work on my dissertation, exercise, there certainly must be more, to avoid sitting still.
I think I will try to see how I have made progress in this area rather than beat myself up about there I go again. Step 1 is quitting rec sports. Step 2 is saying no to a volunteer thing. Step 1 is teaching for Don Crowley. OK, fine, but it's only 2 mornings a week for 6 weeks. I do feel less lonesome than in the past end semesters. I think that other people struggle with this phenomenon. Maybe not in the academic year kind of way, but I hear that others work on balance. So, maybe it is one of those things like someone to pray for - something that I need God for. And probably some outside help, which I am getting. Haven't gotten to the other room, yet.