Tuesday, June 02, 2009

achilles heel

feeling so excited before my 2 hour dance lesson, then had a sad attack when DID was critical.  that is an issue I have had lots of therapy over, a dad button that dad did not intentionally or maliciously create, but nonetheless, a button - very excited in a child-like way, someone shuts it down, can't keep from crying.  I even said to myself or sort of out loud, "I'm fine; I'm a grown woman."  That voice, whosever it is, is not helpful to stop me from crying.  anyway, I am ready to quit dancing because I don't want to go to that place of vulnerability except in the privacy of my own home.  I am sure this too shall pass, but at the moment, I am very done.  it's more vulnerable than singing, definitely than songwriting, even though I am very frank in most songs, way more vulnerable than visual art.  I guess it's about equal to romance, which may be why it's so tenuous for me.  with BH, connecting was easy and without pain.  dancing is not easy, and there are lots of achilles heels vulnerable to being wounded.  anyway.  I'm being dramatic, but ugh, sad!

I am also very excited Bodie is coming over 3 afternoons this week 12-5.  we'll all get to see what it's like with 2 babies.  I don't think I am PG, though.  I wouldn't be so weepy if I were.

we are very happy for Tio Tim, getting married in September.  we had planned to go to MI this summer, but now we will go in the fall.  

lastly, I am very VERY excited BH is getting his foot in the door for nursing school.  Tio T said he "loved his job."  BH was incredulous that anyone could even not dislike his job.  I think he would love being a surgical nurse like Tio T.  

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