thinking

Seriously thinking about withdrawing from IMCDA. #1 I don't feel like doing a 4-6 hour ride every Saturday. #2 if I take summer school, it will be hard to get to Idaho and back in a short amount of time, plus the fatigue, etc. #3 I can't start running for another week and need to work up to a long run of 20 miles in less than 4 months. #4 it feels like a have to and not a get to. #5 I can spend my lump however I want to, and if it means in another couple of years I want to do another one, I could. This is not the last possible IM I can ever do, and even if it is, I have completed 2 and 3/4, and it is not related to my value as a person to do a sub 12 hour IM. I have several PR's with which I am happy. Those can be enough. I am seriously an addict. One is too many and 1000 are never enough. I think that is true with everything in my life.

Pros are: #1 Marie is doing it, and it would be fun to train with her. #2 if I end up training with her, I know myself, and I will want to do the race. #3 I will lose some money from the entry and possibly the hotel. That is not really a pro, but a reason not to withdraw. #4 I will feel like a little bit of a loser that I said I was going to do it, and now I don't want to. That is a silly reason to do it.

I have actually been unimpulsive in considering this. I was going to wait until I saw the doc in a week, but now I want to resolve it, and move forward. I have slept on it many nights. Last night I dreamed I had an affair with Slade Cleaves. Why? In the dream, I thought, oh no, I really don't want to do that. That was good. I am go glad my subconscious has a conscience. At least it feels guilt, even if it doesn't prevent behavior. In the dream I was telling him how I got to play with Ron Wood from the Rolling Stones when I was 18. Wow. That part would have been cool.

I killed 2 giant sequoias for no reason by turning in 4 copies of my proposal to the HED secretary. You are not supposed to give her your actual proposal; you are supposed to give her your IRB proposal. Duh. This is a much shorter document. I feel like an idiot. Oh, well. Lesson learned. Maybe this experience will benefit others - I think she has told several people that is what I did. Yes, I see that it is funny. It is a virtue to laugh at oneself. OK, I am laughing!